spearntime Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 I just had sex with my husband. Not satisfied. He apologized and I (thinking of his feelings)...said "It's okay." It's not okay. If he finishes too early and is REALLY sorry, shouldn't he try again in a little while? Yes, I would like to give it another go. Yes I would like to be pleased. I also was talking to him last night after this all happened. I told him I feel like my body is messed up (surgery, baby). He just says, "No,it's not". So I asked, "What is it then?" (Fishing for a compliment since I never get any about my body...have been working hard every day to get into shape and have already lost 15 lbs) His reply, " RECOVERING FROM PREGNANCY AND SURGERY" Am I out of line to feel really put off and hurt? This morning I try to hold his hand to initiate sex so BOTH of us can feel satisfied. SNORE.... This is typical. How do I get through to him? How do I get him to be more romantic, involved with my needs....etc? I feel like I'm not compatible with this man sexually at all. Advice? Link to comment
NowandZen Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Not knowing any more than I do, direct approach is usually best with men. Link to comment
Nidania Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 I've always been a big supporter of "the open discussion" method. Baby, here's what gets me off. I would love it if you could do X, Y, Z with me. What gets you off? Hinting in the bedroom rarely works with men, as far as my own experience goes. Saying exactly what you want and need is much more likely to get you what you want and need, and may actually be a turn on for him too Link to comment
spearntime Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 I feel like i've "open discussion/ direct approached" this thing to death (as well as other topics). I get nothing. Or I get more put downs and defensiveness. I don't think that works with him I think he can be really sensitive and has a lack of problem solving skills sigh... Link to comment
spearntime Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 link removed Wow. This is exactly what I need...but there are some weird cheesy parts to the article. I would be WAY too embarrassed to have him read that. I am so frustrated! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Talking after is not a good idea. He gets defensive because he knows he isn't pleasing you and bringing up makes his ego go into over drive. When you both are making love what is your main agenda? Is it your satisfaction or his? What is his? When I am with someone my main concern is her pleasure. My pleasure comes last always. If I didn't orgasm at all it wouldn't kill me. Giving pleasure is the best part I think. Learning and understanding your partners needs and what make them go crazy is what it is all about in my opinion. Try and talk when you both have clothes on. Men need to be clobbered on the head pratically sometimes to get it! Tell him this is very serious and will not just go away unless you both work together to make things better. As far as being embarrased about showing him something, what is worse? a little emabarrasment or the possible end of your marriage? Lost Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Not that I'm necessarily disagreeing with you, but is the goal of sex for you to bond and share intimacy with your husband, or a race to orgasm? If he finishes too early, then maybe you all should focus less on intercourse and more on foreplay, roleplay, massage, cuddling, etc. Unless all you want is an orgasm, in which case, get a vibrator. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.