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My boyfriend had a nightmare about me cheating on him??? What do I do?

starcrossed

By starcrossed
in Relationship Advice

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starcrossed Apprentice

starcrossed

Posted
Posted

My boyfriend of one year woke up today and immediately jumped out of bed in a rage, swinging the door wide open and sending it into the wall... storming into the bathroom before he emerged a few minutes later unwilling to talk and in tears = FURIOUS! He said that he had a nightmare about me sleeping with someone else, and that he had been unable to wake up from it... and it deeply bothered him.

 

I first reacted in a anger from being woken up in such a way and hearing the doors slam and the stomps without any explanation from him for at least a few minutes. When I did say something, being fully awake, he loudly said that he was going outside until he calmed down.

 

I am not sure how to react to this. He has been in more relationships than I have and had to deal with a lot of bull * * * * in the past... but honestly I am not like that, nor have I ever been anything like that. It was a terribly nightmare, I agree... He is a recovering alcoholic of a couple years now and said that he drank afterwards in the dream. He said he could even taste the liquor in his mouth when he woke up.

 

I am not sure what to do about this... I don't want the little insecurities he has about our relationship (mostly past baggage) to escalate over a nightmare. And I do not want to see him have to go through this.

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hers Experienced

hers

Posted
Posted

There's nothing you can do. You weren't causing his dream. You can't control his dreams, just like he can't.

 

I'd say nothing. Don't bring it up at all. It's not your problem. If he has insecurities about your relationship, the only thing you can do is reassure him when they come up but don't take responsibility for them and don't keep bringing them up.

 

If he acts on his insecurities, then I'd suggest reexamining the relationship so that you're not always walking on eggshells around him.

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Brittney2008 Rookie

Brittney2008

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Had something really similar happen to me.

 

My boyfriend and I were sleeping and then suddenly I wake up to being hit really really hard. Apparently he had a dream where I cheated and when he woke up his first reaction was to hit me..

 

But yeah its just a dream and I think that he is really taking it too far. I wouldn't bring it up or try to start a conversation about it, just let it go.

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konstantine Contributor

konstantine

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Tell him to get over it. I understand being a little freaked out when you wake up, as it has happened to me. I woke up after dreaming that my boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend and I felt like crap when I woke up. But it only lasted a couple minutes. He is overreacting big time. It's a damn dream. You don't have to do anything but remind him that you wouldn't really do that.

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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How is he acting toward you now that he has had a chance to calm down and fully realize it was only a dream? Is he back to acting normal? I would suggest tonight when you two go to bed, give him a kiss and tell him, "No more silly, meaningless nightmares, ok?" Other than that, I wouldn't bring it up unless he want to talk about it and brings it up first. That's what I would do anyway.

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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Posted
Had something really similar happen to me.

 

My boyfriend and I were sleeping and then suddenly I wake up to being hit really really hard. Apparently he had a dream where I cheated and when he woke up his first reaction was to hit me..

 

But yeah its just a dream and I think that he is really taking it too far. I wouldn't bring it up or try to start a conversation about it, just let it go.

 

This bothers me. Don't EVER live with abuse. Hitting is abuse, whether it was during a dream or not. No excuses. Hope you weren't hurt.

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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No I wasn't hurt, just woken up. I would no way ever live or be in a relationship with any abuse, physical or emotional. Thank you for your concern TechResQ

 

You are welcome. Wasn't trying to sound bossy or anything. I was in a very abusive marriage and it was hell on earth. I just get concerned because I hate the thought of anyone going through that crap.

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Firiel Community Regular

Firiel

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I feel like it's normal to be upset about a dream like this upon first waking up. Dreams can seem exceedingly real, and that feeling doesn't fade right when you wake up from dreams. I've had dreams where I've woken up downright *angry* at people and I have to force myself to be kind to them before, as I put it, the dream "wears off." If he didn't get over it emotionally within the first few hours of waking up, that would be worrisome.

 

My boyfriend has had dreams of me cheating on him before. I always just tell him that I'm sorry he had the dream and that I love him. He knows I would never cheat on him, but dreams like that can be very upsetting anyway. The fact that he drank in his dream is also probably a huge part of the reason he is upset about it.

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