well...

[nitsrek]

I dont even have a clue to go about this... like other people on here I have some issues that i dont know how to stop... realized how bad it was when uncontrolibly i just snaped in the car in the drive through at DQ..... Oh gosh so glad no one was behind or infrount of us... I was not smart to lose controll like that. my sister already has enought on her dish to have to deal with my freak out! ... We had gotten into some convertions about me, having to ..u...um ... prove my point... which I already knew...They call me KIA, Know it all, cuz I guess I u..um.. feel... I have some need to prvoe my point This whole moring I have been fighting depression nothing uncommon to me... but then This fit I blew I just started hitting myself in the head ....not meaning to i just did and started swaring somthing ... ( if you know me Iam usally an normal person... and I dont sware!)... But Its not the first time, Ive hit myself in the head before and never thought anything of it but the more I see it happening, the harder it is to try to controll it like today, i felt like i had no control... u..um... I feel like on idoit [ no clue why I am saying this all , guess I am just sick of it]... I dont have an E.D, but like everyonce and awhile I will force my self to puke like today... but not for skinny reason, it's u...um...like some kind of reales like cutting...

 

I have been reading about this SI thing and ya sounds like me pretty scary, but u.uum .... It says that

 

"The immense internal psychic pressure felt from overwhelming emotions can seem uncontrollable, frightening, and dangerous. People who self-injure have often not learned to identify, express, or release their emotions. Most have never developed the ability to feel and express emotions as others do. They may not have been allowed to show or release their true emotions. Yet their feelings still exist, whether they show them or not."

 

So heres my question how do we identify the feeling? and then how are we to express or r..re.lease them?

 

 

Ya sorry if I am coming off as some rude snot! I just dont really know how to talk and or saythis stuff, with out sounding crazy....

 

Thank for reading.

[trezz]

dont sound crazy to me.

sound like a person with feelings.

driving the car may not be a good idea.

everyone ok after that?

[SapphireNoir10]

Have you spoken to a doctor or a counsellor about this? A professional will be able to teach you ways to work through these emotions and feelings.

[trezz]

thats ok.

are you at school.

counsellors are a good idea or you could check out some self help books.

[nitsrek]

Oh sorry, sister was driving the car not me, so ya we are all ok.

 

Have you spoken to a doctor or a counsellor about this? A professional will be able to teach you ways to work through these emotions and feelings.

 

I have had gone to a counsellor in past, but she told me if something was happing she would put me on depressantes,.... So being as stupid as I can be , I started to lie to her, I dont want drugs...sorry medication...

Latly I have been thinking maybe to go back but apart of me doesnt want to go [posibly fear] and the other just wants this to be dealt with...

 

When I was with her she told me to write songs....Didnt work , I am u...um... kinda not the best for spelling and gramar.... and hard to write a song with drums [i know me lying to her did not help it hurts me more... but I dont like when people look at you as just another person who messed and wont be able to live without there meds..] errg i sound like a snot...

 

I hope that makes sense... and then the other thing is I live in this tiny town so to go see one is like big deal , I wasnt lving here when I went... And I kinda have a fear of docotors, I have no clue why... [ I know I am making up excuses.. I just dont want to seem crazy...]

 

 

No not at school.... srry

[nitsrek]

There are a few, but when depression comes in you have no motive to do anything. I only went out today because my sister had to go see doctor... I love to drum, draw, last few days i have been reading to forget but that doesnt really help... When I am in this sate of mind it is really hard to drum draw, do things I like I have tryed that I just get more frustrated cuz I cant do it well when in that sate... Dont know if that makes sense... So I guess the best thing is go get help... u...um...awkward... the only person in town is like a dad to my parents and our family, for help here in town... it's so werid it would like going up to my parents... u...um...well... guess thats step ONE. taking the first step is the hardest after that just take the next 99... u...um... ok Well thanx for all your help it did help! and I will be on a hunt for thing I can do to realise it with out getting more frustrated...:S...

[trezz]

you come accross as a sensible person.

remember to forgive your self for your outbursts while looking for alternative healthy releases.

[nitsrek]

Ok , I will do.. I wont say try, cuz "try" is setting your eslf up for failure.. and thank you. For everthing,

 

I guess so cuz I know what its like to have people tell you everything about there life and then seeing them...

 

so it is both ways werid...

 

Again Thank you every much for taking your time to help out.

[trezz]

your very welcome.

its 11pm at night here in ireland so i'm going to say goodnight.

forgiving ourselves is an important part of life.

[nitsrek]

wow Ireland.... I awlays wanted to go to scotland for some reason, ... well have Great night!

[No One]

Crazy? Not at all!

 

Overwhelmed? Yes (hello, to the club).

 

You know and can say that there are problems both with the SI and with what is causing it. You are on the road to both overcoming these pains and terrors, and towards becoming more in touch, honest, in control, and, wiser with your own self. Please, please don't stop this journey!

[nitsrek]

thanx cuz I tend to start things ... but..u..um .... whats does it mean to finish.. do we really ever finish things they are always on going....

 

I did do some rearch on how to inditify emotions... kinda confussing... got me ... u...um ... frustrated.. I believe.....

 

And also How to start a jorunal to help better indentify, and I am still confussed on alot of it... I guess as I through out the process things will begin to roll out and make sense...

 

I will say one thing I sat down with my sister who was in the car with me, and we talked thourgh what happened, and all came out good.... So that was a learning thing because i would uselly keep it inside and beat myself up over it for being so unsmart, but truned it around and slove a whole lot of stress.... I think might be the word...

 

But yes again thanx all..

[No One]

We may prepare for the worst, but, sometimes, get to enjoy something pretty good!

[nitsrek]

I dont know what to say what to feel right know i blew up last night and about to again ....

 

this guy is like in my face cuz he has all this crap happening and then he says all this stuff to me which is rude then he expects me to have all the anwser,.... and then he .... just eeerrrgggg,, shot me please ......uuu....uumm.... I told him i dont want to talk to him for a while so he plays the have a gulit trip crap...u...uumm...

 

was i in the right cuz i cant handle him right know he is one cause right know to panick attacks i cant think right know i dont know if i should scream smash something or cry ... or .... freak out!!! this is so retared!!!!

 

Why do people do this is it like they just want you to feel like crap like they do... so here in your face...

 

sometimes i really wish i didnt live at all i dislike feeling like this so much i cant even begin to explane it ...

 

I so much need sleep right know i have to nanny in the morning and i work nights tomorrow and i cant even sleep!!!

 

I just dont know what to do every time i try to i dont know get my life you gether it slips through my fingers and smashes more....

 

oh goodness..... SO sorry for being retarted and compeleting vennting like a puking drunk.....

I just think I need to write this down maybe people can help me figure out what just happen up top of this message cuz I couldnt even tell you what i just typed i have no clue ... thats so sad i have like no merrory... wow...

 

Sorry again ....

 

I have one question does life ever u....um... go up.... for longer then.....like .....19hrs of a day....

[nitsrek]

Feel like such a dork... like ... really rude this poor guys is very where i make him look bad its not him oone bit... he lost a few friends... and i guess its normal emotions for a mourning person... so please dont think hes a jerk not him one bit..

 

I just go over board... errgg ... u... mmm.... so ya dont get mad at him its not his fault.

[trezz]

hello again.

 

wow you sat down and talked things over with your sister!

 

family can be the hardest to face and be honest with- because they are always there, and because the worlds a funny place full of confusion, if they are willing to help and getting it wrong at times thats an even better reason to talk.

 

is your sister a good thing in your life, now if you say yes 100% of the time then she's more angel then mortal.

if you say yes but sometimes she gets cross.....welcome to the mortal world.

 

how did it feel to talk to your sister.

 

you got books and read them......i get books and forget them...

[nitsrek]

I most cerntainly did... and It doesnt seem like rambling on to me...

 

As for me and my sister, Of chourse we have our ups and downs; downs uasually are near that time of the month... we live together, as kids all three of us had eacother...

.... Like we kinda have no friends in our town its just our family is our friends... i have a few but barly ever do we do anything...

 

...I love to read... i actully use to hate it lol.. and i forget them too, i just go back and re-read the ones i really liked...

 

And nope reading books hated it... I couldnt read them well at all till i think grade 9 when i read the hobit frist book i read.. cover to cover.... i kinda was a learning asitance student, always in speacal classes and testing... mainly because the docotor said it was best i was born early they said because of that i may learn later... and i was...

 

As for my friend its a long process...

When mouring they go throught all this stuff, i know cuz i lost three friends in one year one after the other, and somedays it is like you forgot what the alphabet was, and know your doing this you cant explanie, emotions everywhere, and you dont know what your saying... till you look back to re learn the alphabet and learn to speak again..

your pretty dead to the world when in mourning and lost... Dont know if that makes sense..

 

Thank you for everything! It all made sense and i did get something out of it!

[trezz]

the first book i ever read cover to cover was the hobbit?

 

i flicked through that one and put it down.

i'm seriously impressed.

[nitsrek]

Thank you and i always thought I sucked Socialy.... Cuz I never talk to people , like bairly ever..

 

And ya the Hobbit... I knew it looked funny...

 

dyslexia.... Ya I got asked by my art teacher if dyslexia effected my english mark.... mywriting was way worse and everywhere, I once heard though that if you read it helps that so I started reading stroies. And reading them It was hard at first I couldnt find things I liked to read, But soon I found out what I liked, and honestly it has help my gramar and spelling and mixed up every where secetance...

 

What are the seven types of intelligence that you heard of... (funny thing is I do like to learn my auntie thought I was werid because I'd sit down and read dictionary. And look up things and learn them for the heck of it... )

 

Again thanx...

[No One]

Dyslexia may affect how you read, but it shouldn't have anything to say on your intelligence or abilities!

[trezz]

i know people who read the dictionary.

i used to when i was younger but got laughed out of it.

i regret not being more stubborn at that time.

 

i typed '7 different types of intelligence' into goggle....the response was too much to repeat. one of the responses was-there are 9 types of intelligence'

havent had time to read through the results but i defintly will be back there.

[trezz]

i read some of the stuff.

i wish i had of thought of looking it up earlier.

i'm really enjoying it hope you do to.

 

says i have logical intelligence.

i usually explain things simply so that i can understand what i'm on about.

referring to quizz 2nd post.

wiki explains well

[nitsrek]

Ya, I read books my area didnt really know when i was yonger and the new school had just found out they put me through lost and lost of test and the only thing they told me was My stongest point was the thing i disliked the most, .... Problem sloving....

 

I am trying to write a story and for once in my life its not all over the place it has more regular gramar mistakes...

 

"Dyslexia may affect how you read, but it shouldn't have anything to say on your intelligence or abilities.." - NoOne

 

As for the reading thing I am ok for reading in my head but out loud is not so good, i mix all the words out and cant say what i read lol... but I am working on that like today I read out loud my sister her reading for school, so that it could go by quicker for her she just had to take the notes, and i read out loud story time for her kids.... And I am doing better then before... just step by steps....

 

"you get help to handle the emotioal turmoil of so many losses" -Trezz

 

No not till the thrid he was like a big brother to me, the first one was my firends girlfriend didnt really know her, but it hurt me to see one of the only nice people to me get hurt so bad.. the secound was the same guy but his brother's best friend whom I have known since I was little but didnt really know him he lived in town... died... Then my firend Adam, his death hit me so hard when i found out i didnt even know what to say cuz that summer I was suppose to join his band... and ya! but as for mourning I didn't.... really seek help i just went and told my teacher i cant think told her what happened shes the school concelor and my psycolgy teacher.... I medicated wrong at first kinda got back an eating D, and was cutting again, kinda all random stage coming together at once... and then later on when done with the ED and cutting started doing drugs, became very sick and Just sat down and got real with God, again... lol ... and through Gods word i started to learn how we are to mourn and started to begin a healingg process... of chourse some days you have memories of it. not like its all going to be there...

 

but ya sorry for the long splur! lol

 

And ya sure I'll start looking up the 7...9 ... types of intelligence' ... I am now really curious.

[trezz]

there seems to be a huge difference in the testing.

[nitsrek]

Thanx! Ya i tryed useing the spell check thing they help abit but somtimes ya weird words come up with it lol.. so then i go to link removed or google the word...

 

Ya I have learnt to let go of the death the best way to get over death it to talk about how it happened i found once i was albe to tell a few different people i was albe to have more closure, they wherent the first I had lost another friend in grade 8 got my lip peirced for him [it was something inbetween us], and they in grade 10 my other friends father died, and a few other family members grate grandma and great uncle..

Dont worry you dont need to say anything!

 

It has come and it has pass and made me a stronger person, and know if i have firends going through this same I will know why they may be actting the way they are, and not take offence to it! thats where you start to cage your self in... not good.. lol

 

as for the testing thing, ya they wherent really sure what to do i was kinda the ginnepig ... till high school when they actully did more test which seem more perfesnal...

Its great that your kids have a libary to go too. we dont have a town libary just the elementry school.... dont think we town's people are aloud in there...

 

But ya I am going to go work on my story! have your self a great day and thanx!