Need desperate advice with GF of 6 years. Met another girl!

[xfrancox]

I need advise badly. I have been dating my girlfriend of almost 6 years since i was 19...she was 17 at the time..now i'm 24 and she's 23. when i first met her i was so in love with her and we both felt the same for each other...she ended up graduating from high school and moved up to college with me and we got a place together. we have lived with each other for 3 years now and she has helped me thru everything...good times and bad and always was there for me...and i was the same way to her....but after a couple years I've been so busy with school and work and my hobbies that i started to stray from her...i think mostly because we spent all this time together...so recently i met another girl 6 months ago and just started talking...and i told this other girl i had a gf but i wasn't happy with my gf anymore....and i was going to move out of my apartment once my lease was up...me and this girl ended up sleeping together and started spending time together almost like if we had a relationship...so obviously i got myself into a real bad situation now...we spent about 6 months together behind my gf back . but at the same time i don't know why i'm doing this...it's not like my GF is bad to me or anything..shes's a real good gf and i'm not sure if i'm having this affair becasue i want something "new" or am i just bored with the 6 yr relathionship i had....i've been thinking a lot lately and i don't know if i want to jeopardize the 6 yr relationship that i have had...i think about all the things we've done in the last 6 yrs and it's gonna hurt losing all of that. but at the same time i get along great with this new girl and she told me she loved me.....should i just end this affair and work on the current relationship i have and start fresh. i know this is a horrible situation and i'm wrong for doing what i did...but that's why i turned here to seek help and advice..so please tell me what i should do.

[SwingFox]

Hi Franco,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your questions. I think that you will find members on here that do not agree or understand you, nor do they support your situation. My personal feelings towards your situation is not really important. I hope my advice to you will be helpful.

 

I would like to explain to you that love is a very dynamic thing. I can understand that you find yourself bored in loving your current girlfriend after six years. Love is something you have to keep working on. You say that you current girlfriend is a very good one. You seem to love her and like her. It does look like that you are falling out of love with her, though.

 

Knowing this, I would consider trying to get back in place again. The idea behind this is: "Never change a winning team". It looks like that after six years you have formed a great team with your g/f. I am sure that you know each other inside and out. You have doubts throwing away what you have and those doubts are correct. You share a lot with your current g/f and obviously she has been good to you and she still is.

 

My suggestion is that you start to talk to your g/f immediately. Tell her how you feel about your current situation and all the things that is happening in your life. Ask her how she feels over you and the situation you both are in. That might shed some light on things. If you still have deep feelings for each other, I would consider to spice up your relationship again. Look at her as if you meet her first time or play a game like that. Talk to her about your first time together and feel how it turns you and her on again. Send her love letters and flowers. Those things do help.

 

Bottom line is that you have to invest time in your relationship. If I'd be in your shoes, I would do it! For more tips and tricks, I would like to invite you to read articles in our "Sex & Romance" section.

[TearsofaDragon20]

it seems you need to sit down and look at what you have done here. swingfox is right i dont agree with what you did. if you two have 6 years of memories together then you need to seek that you keep it with her. 6 years is a long time and then to do somethng like that would really devistate her completely. anyone can say "i love you" to you some people dont use it the right way and can hurt and could do worse. you and your girlfriend have been together for 6 years. thats quite a long time franco. if you tell her what is missing from this relationship, you could work things out. but what you did was your decison. you should work things out and hope for the best and she can forgive you. theres alot of work to do and it wont be easy. best luck to you franco.

[xfrancox]

thanks for the suggestions....well last nite i told her that i'm so busy with work and my hobbies that i tend to neglect her and not want to put so much time into our relationship anymore..of course she was upset about this...and this morning we basically ignored each other all day. we are both moving out of our apartment in may ...i told her i thought moving in with each other was a bad idea and if we had to do it all over again maybe we should've waited longer b4 moving in...so i'm not sure how life is going to be after we live seperatley...will our relationship get better since we are farther away from each other...(she either will move in the same town with me..or end up moving near her parents which is 300 miles from me) ...or will it just make breaking up a whole lot easier since it's unavoidable...it's a tough situation. i think i really need some space from her for a while just to see what it is like no being around her..and see if that helps ..or maybe it'll make it worse..

[jujigatame]

It's not just a trend that people hear about, but a _fact_ that passion does indeed die down. That's straight out of my psych text, chapter 13 on emotions. People wonder what's wrong with their relationship when the fires die down to a slow burn, but there's nothing wrong at all. It just matures. It's natural to get bored, even frustrated with this, but you need to step back and look: Do you really want to sacrifice a wonderful, long-term relationship just to scratch an itch?

 

A lot of hurt would be avoided if people would just see the changes as an inevitable fact. TV romances do not exist. Period, end of sentence.

[xfrancox]

Do you really want to sacrifice a wonderful, long-term relationship just to scratch an itch?

 

now what happens if the "itch" turns out or looks promising for a new long term relationship.

[osewa77]

I agree with the person who said "don't change a winning team". Besides, one you get into the habit of "changing your qwwinning team" then who says you won't keep doing it to ever new person. he new girl and you will get bored with each other even sooner. Please try your best to recreate the passion in your old relationship; there are ways to do it. Besides, why are you not thinking of marriage at all? Which kind of girl decided to 'love' a guy that's already in a loving, stable relationship? If there are areas where you don't feel satisfied with your real g/f you can discuss them with her after obtaining her forgiveness for your affair. Please take the fair route, you'll find all the excitement you need if you seek advice concerning how to do that. Please!

[xfrancox]

well me and my girlfriend of 6 years broke up 2 weeks ago. i was away on vacation and we broke up over the telephone. we both live together so when i got back it was bit awkward since we live in the same apartment together...i wil lbe moving out of this apartment at the end of this month. but we have been nice to each other and it hurts a lot and she cries once a in while about it in front of me. and she told me she didn't want to see any one else for the time being until we settle our differences and she is scared if she went to find someone else she may end up falling for someone else. and she doesn't want me to go look for anyone else either for the same reason. i still have been seeing the "other" girl almost everyday...but at the same time...i think about all the good times i've had with my ex and how she was so great to me...and how at one time i was very loyal and caring to her...and i wonder if i'm making a mistake by not getting back with her again. i'm feeling so confused....should i just move on with this "other" girl or try and work it out with the ex.??

do you think moving out of the apartment and living on my own for a while will help heal the relationship?

 

HELP!