Where do I go from here????

[Hair_Metal_4_Life]

I hope someone can help me because I am a bit unsure as to what my next step should be.

 

I have been dating this bright intelligent girl for 3 month and I have really enjoyed it. But there is a BUT as always, if there wasnt I suppose nobody would ever post a topic in here. Her behavior is a little confusing to me.

 

The thing is I gotta initiate everything. I am the one always inviting her to do stuff with me, I am the one who always calls her etc. When I do invite her to a date she generally says yes and is never in a rush to end the date, in fact it is always me that ends up saying that perhaps we should call it a night or end the phone conversation etc. But if I didnt look her up once in awhile, she may not ever seek me out.

 

I like to compliment her because I think she is a great person and say how I like her but she never compliments me ever for anything. It would be cool to get some reassurance or appriciation now and then just so I can get a feedback about how she feels about me and this relationship.

 

She hasnt told her parents about me. She says it would just complicate things. She does say she is kind of shy although when she is with me she seems secure and never nervous.

 

This is her first real relationship and she is only 18 while I am 24.

 

She was living at the dorm and we go to the same school. We took a two week break because we were both studying for the finals (her idea but I went along with it and understood it). The day she was done her finals she had to move back home for the summer. I wanted to see her that day but she was like she is busy with moving. She lives now two and a half hours away from me.

 

I phoned her wanting to see her next weekend but she is like she is going skiing with her family (she does like skiing). I asked her if she would come down here the following weekend but she says it may be hard because they only have one car and the highway is kind of dangerous for her. I guess that leaves me to come there which I could at any time but she never once said she wants me to come there so I would feel a bit weird just showing up without an invitation. I havent seen her for like 15 days now so that is not good.

 

Anyways I have no idea how to proceed or even if I should. My parents are like you are the guy so you should do the chasing. But I dont know if a relationship should be this one way with me having all the say. And what if she does not even like me but she is too shy to hurt my feelings. Although she never said she does not like me.

 

Anyways excuse my rant, any honest input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[lisaria]

Hey Hair,

Women can be so confusing, can't we?

Ok, here's what I think: Why don't you try leaving her alone until she calls you? You are doing all the chasing from what you've said in your post and it seems to me that after three months it's time for her to put a little effort into the relationship. She is younger than you, so maybe she's not as "experienced" in how these things go. Have you told her how you feel? Maybe you should tell her and then step back. Give her a chance to come to you...to be the aggressor. If you are always there, it doesn't give her much of an opportunity to miss you or to take the initiative. If she doesn't call you then you would know that it's just not meant and if she does contact you? Then let her take the lead. I know how hard that can be for some guys, but it can turn a girl on to be in charge sometimes.

Lisa

[xtra]

yea if she really wants to be with u then eventually she'll come after u

[AnonymousUser]

I agree with lisaria....Call her and let her know how you feel...ask her to not react...to just listen....and tell her....give her some time to think it over....to digest the info, so to speak....if she feels the same, I would imagine she will call or contact you in some way within about 2 weeks or so........I wish you all the luck....Love is something that needs to be worked at...it doesn't just happen...Keep that in mind

[StarBrite]

...buy "the proper care and feeding of husbands" by laura schlessinger and ask her to read it. The book tells how you're supposed to treat your husband and that the woman's actions towards her man influence how happy the household will be. Granted you're not married, but it's never too early to get her started on the right track to being a good wife or girlfriend for her man.