Trust, a five letter word but....

[ebm2483]

So i guess let me try to explain my situation the best i know how and maybe someone might have some good adivce for me. Im crossing my fingers. Well of course i have the girl, things are going great right. It seems that everything is absolutly perfect, we go out together to bars and never leave eachother alone, cant stop looking at one another or stop dancing. We both are alot alike and to my knowledge have the same feelings for one another right... Well this is my issue, i acutally have a problem with my self confidence. Dont take me for the guy at the party being really shy or even the guy that doesnt make it to the party, but more so the life of the party with a secret. I have more friends than i know what to do with and seem to appear to have everything in order, knowing inside i am truly missing something. This could be my entire problem, and if so how do i fix it. i know i make good money, i know i treat her better than anyone has ever treated her before, i know im pretty good looking, im athletic as all can be plus some, hard worker, i mean when it comes down to it im a people person that has branched out really well.

 

Let me get back to my story. This girl and i get along perfect, its what love is suppose to be, at least the closest thing to it that i've ever experienced. Since we started our relationship i told her that im not going to ask for much, just for her to be very straight forward with me. well i dont think she has. It seems that when she talks to me over the phone someone always distract her and that she's hiding something. When we talk its almost as though if i have a request or anything remotely close she tells me exactly what i want to hear, only she makes things almost to simple. I know life isnt simple and i know that relationships are probably the hardest things to keep going. But its as though things are going so simple that its not right. I asked her to please finish a conversation with me before she does something else, she's always distracted or she'll talk to me and all the sudden not be there. I bend over backwards for her. Anything she ever asks gets done it seems, at least to what i can afford and realistically do for her. She's kicked around the idea of moving in together and im hesitant to do that, things are already going a little fast, and i dont think she would really want to commit to that.

 

Also on occasion if i've tried to see what she's doing or going to do she'll tell me she's going out with the girls of course and she usually invites me. (I didnt mention this but i just recently moved into a town about 40 minutes away.)Well as soon as i tell her i can go she usually backs out of going out or is just like it wont be that great or something that makes me feel as though she doesnt really want me to go out with her or somethin. I have gone out without her knowing it and shown up where she's been and i havent really seen much, i did get into a fight because of her a few weeks ago. went to a bar and some guy was being really sarcastic to her about her having a boyfriend and when i showed up he got smart with me and took it outside. I feel as though she's making me into this person that tries to make everything work but dont feel as though she tries hard. almost that she's working against me in some degree. I honestly believe i have found love with this girl, but here lately i've just been noticing alot of awkward things with this and it makes me concerned more than anything. I want her to feel the same way i do, but i dont want to pressure her or get anyones emotions hurt. Say how do i trust her more, is there something i can say to her about it or do myself. And even if its not her, how would i fix myself to be more able to handle situations of uncertanty. I honestly just want to be able to 100% trust this girl.

[lisaria]

Hi ebm,

This is a great forum for opinions and advice and here's mine.

There are a few things going on here from what I can gather. There is the self-esteem issue and the trust issue. Both are very important to any relationship. You have to be self-confident and self-assured enough to know that no matter what happens you will be ok. (Something I'm still working on.) You sound like you've got it pretty much together, so why would you question her trustworthiness? Sneaking around going where she's going just to try and catch her in some compromising position is wrong. If you don't trust her then don't be with her. Trust is crucial to a good relationship. Believe me I know.

You are the only one that can answer your own question. What is missing in yourself? You know in your heart of hearts and you have to bring it out and study it and fix it. How is another story, one I'm not sure of.

How long have you guys been going out? It sounds like she may be a little rude when you guys are talking on the phone. But I'm from the south where manners are ingrained in you from the time you are born. It makes me irritated when I am trying to talk to someone and they have crap going on behind them and not listening to me. If you are in the middle of something, say so and call me back. Don't ignore me. Tell her how this makes you feel.

You sound alot like my ex who was very sure of himself and always said that if i cheated he was out of there and then that SOB cheated on me. Ironic, huh?

I don't know if this helped at all, but you do need to work on these things before getting too serious with this girl. If you don't, then later on down the line you'll feel like this isn't what you want and you'll be searching for something that is inside of you not them. Then it's on to the next and the next. Know what I mean?