13 Years Gone By and STILL???

[shayshay07]

Hi everyone. My ex-best friend is a guy, a childhood friend I have been close to ever since we were 13. He was like family, our families know each other, he has been over my house on the holidays, and vice versa, and had always been like brother and sister. If anybody asked, we told them we were brother and sister.

 

Well when I got pregnant with my daughter, we agreed he would be her godfather/uncle. Actually it was his idea to be her godfather. Anyway, around the time she was to be born, he became very distant, and did not even show up to my baby shower. First he called and said he'd be late, then said he had to work, so he wasn't coming. That was a LIE because he posted pics of himself that same day on Facebook at a local university homecoming football game.

 

Anyway, my daughter is now 10 months old, we havn't spoken since last summer, and he has not even seen her or asked about her. I have put pics of her on Facebook that i know he has seen, and he has yet to comment or even say congrats.

 

When i talked to mutual friends about this, they say he has had a crush on me, and it hurt him that i had a baby. This is crazy to me because, we have been like siblings for 13 years, nothing sexual has happened, not even a kiss, and i have never given him hope I was interested in more than friendship with him. I have had boyfriends, and he's had girlfriends, during the time we've been friends. I would think that after, like a year or so he would get over it! I mean 13 years, and now he has neglected our friendship because I had a child?

 

Sorry I am ranting but i am hurt by this, and I feel like the entire friendship was phony, and I am angry. Should i contact him and get this off my chest? Or just leave it alone and be glad a fake friend is gone?

Who acts like that? Doesn't make any sense.

[SapphireNoir10]

Maybe he has always wanted it to be more than a friendship. ANd now you have had a baby he feels his chance with you is completely gone, now your a mom, he wont have the chance to ever be with you. Maybe it was his closure and the reality of seeing you happy (Are you with someone?) With someone else and starting a family has made him think 'I need to get away and move on'

 

MAybe being away from you is the only way he can move on with his life and find a new love.

 

I understand your hurt. It must be like losing a brother, but I expect he will come back in time, maybe when hes moved on with his own life.

[shayshay07]

thanks for replying blueafterglow. I am in a relationship and happy, but i guess i just dont see why me having a baby would end the friendship. I feel like if it was a real friendship he would put aside his selfish feelings and be there for me and the his 'niece'. I mean its not like I led him on or anything, we have been platonic ever since we met. I used to be good friends with his sister, then he and I became friends since i was at his house all the time. So its not like we dated, then decided to become friends. I guess he did want more than friendship, thats the only thing that would explain his behavior but i would just think after a certain number of months, let alone years, that one would get the hint that romantic feelings aren't mutual. It does hurt to put so much time into a friendship and then find out it was based on ulterior motives.

[Lonewing]

YOU have been platonic ever since you've met. Ulterior motive?? More like he started friends and then...well, Nature took its course! He fell for you. He developed feelings. You meant more to him than he meant to you. And his feelings went unrequitted. He'll be fine, let him move on.

[shayshay07]

I say we have been platonic, because he's never let on that he wanted to be with me like that and has never tried to initiate anything physical the entire time i've known him. He has even hung out out with my boyfriend, and said he liked him for me. He introduced me to his girlfriend as his sister, and told me he hopes I become friends with her. When people said, 'u know he likes u, right" i took it as all jokes because its like no one could believe a man and woman can be just friends, and hang out and have fun without it leading up to something. Now i guess i dont believe it either because i only have one other male friend, and he actually told me finds me attractive, and flirts somtimes. But at least i know where he stands.

[now_better]

i wouldn't be so hard on him. when his feelings have resolved themselves, he'll make himself available. i think it's hard to see it from his side unless you're in his shoes.

[shayshay07]

now better- the only reason i am hard on him is because i am hurt, and i feel like the only reason he spent so much time with me was because he was waitiing on his window of opportunity, instead of being a genuine friend. Like because I have a family now, I am dispensable like yesterday's trash. I mean, he was basically family, and now my daughter is 10 months old, and he has yet to even say congratulations, or how is she doing? Anyway the responses from you all have helped to understand a little better, even though i still think he is being ridiculous, and a horrible friend. It is just very disappointing.

[startinover]

now better- the only reason i am hard on him is because i am hurt, and i feel like the only reason he spent so much time with me was because he was waitiing on his window of opportunity, instead of being a genuine friend. Like because I have a family now, I am dispensable like yesterday's trash. I mean, he was basically family, and now my daughter is 10 months old, and he has yet to even say congratulations, or how is she doing? Anyway the responses from you all have helped to understand a little better, even though i still think he is being ridiculous, and a horrible friend. It is just very disappointing.

 

Of course he's being a horrible friend. That's the point. He didn't want to be friends. He wanted more. As bad as you're feeling, your life is otherwise relatively full. Now has he to find his fulfillment.

[shayshay07]

thanks everyone.