Does counseling really work?

[B.G.]

Ok so it has been five days of no contact. I have lost 13 lbs, cannot eat and went on a date saturday and it was terrible all I was thinking about was my Ex. This is taking over my life and it is something I cannot cope with any longer. I will not contact her because I know she will not say what I want to hear and I will feel worse or I can say at this point if she was happy and doing OK without me it would break me more. I know it has been only five days but I have talked to friends, family, pretty much anyone who will listen. But everyone seems to think it is not a big deal. "It takes time, you will get over it." or "It wasn't working anyway- she deserves what she gets or you will find someone better" etc. etc. etc. It is not really helping. If I hear a song I think of her, same thing with a tv show or movie just about anything. I want to know if anyone has tried counseling and if it helps? Or what kind of counselor? At this point I don't think meeting other girls will help. All I do is constantly check my email and cell phone- did she call? NO of course not but I hope I can get over this. I am running out of options- did anyone ever hear of the book Lifted Hearts- I see some people have read it and it helped? Can a book really help someone getting through this type of pain and emptiness? I don't know. Knowing there are people here going thru this and being a part of this site does help a little. Thanks for reading.

[Tpysl]

Can a book really help someone getting through this type of pain and emptiness?

 

Yes, reading definitely helps. I know this site has helped me much longer before I began posting here.

 

Regarding the counselor: it will only work if you let the counselor work. You're basically paying for a person to listen to you. That's it. Sometimes, they help, but at most it's only a little. It always goes down to your own willingness of acceptance. This is why it hurts so much for everyone.

 

I check my emails and am on AIM all day waiting for this girl in my life too. I stress during the day, at night, in my sleep about her. But I get through the day through my hobbies. I play the piano, do martial arts, swordfighting, bo-fighting, going through all my video games, jogging, situps, pushups, etc. These are the only things that are forever: your skills, talents, and memories. Everytime I reach out to someone, I end up getting hurt (and I haven't even been in a 'real' relationship yet, how's that for bad), and each time I go back to doing my hobbies. Why? Because it's something I know how to do, something that allows me to spend my time honing my abilites, and keeps me from slumping over in my bed all day.

 

About the eating, FORCE YOURSELF to EAT. Losing 13 pounds in five days is pretty bad. Find your best friend and spend time with him/her. Have him/her take you out to eat or prepare food. Better yet, take a cooking class.

[Hopingpraying]

B.G.,

 

Counseling has helped me, but maybe because I wanted it too. Basically they listened, would ask specific questions about the relationship and got me thinking about things I had not thought of. That is basically the role of the counselor. To give you different perspective. It helps you figure out why the relationship failed and how to keep it from happening again.

 

Or at least thats what I got out of it. I am not sure it was worth the money and to be honest this message board has helped me out a bunch more. Hope they don't start charging for it..

 

Anyways... What your family is saying is true. You will get through this, it is very hard and takes time. No one else can ease your pain. The fact your already dating is a good sign. You will find that special someone who wants to be with you. It will get easier, you just have to take it each day at a time. Get through one day... X it off the calendar and then start on the next one. Its all you can do...

 

Good luck!!!

[Scout]

I think a good counselor does more than just listen. They are trained professionals, just like financial advisors or career counselors - only their particular job is to help you untwist your thoughts and get focused on what's really important in your life & to help you learn the tools you need to find real happiness and strength. I strongly recommend therapy to anyone who is starting to even think about it. And if you don't "click" with the first one, go to another one! This is an important undertaking and you have to have the right chemistry with your chosen therapist. Ask what they specialize in, ask what their credentials are. A respectable therapist will be more than happy you asked, and happy to provide you with that information.

 

This forum is also extremely helpful, but at this point, you may need some additional counseling. And you don't have to wait for a reply back to your post!

[Spartan1]

BG,

 

I done the same. My weight plummeted a stone, I waited on a phone call that never came, my emotions were so extreme I wanted to die. What you are going through is natural. Reading your post brings back memories, when in sheer desperation (and this is how bad I became) I fell on my knees in the lounge, cried for hours and prayed..prayed that by some miracle things would get back on track.

 

The way out of your situation is talking. Reading does help a lot though I found concentration hard. The only way out is small steps at a time. To tackle my loss of weight I set myself a goal each day..a few biscuits...then toast..and I forced myself to drink two litres of water. I didn't want to drink, but my body had lost so much fluid and bulk.

 

Remember, small steps. I remember walking into HMV with a friend, everywere I looked where CD and Video's my ex wife liked. It drove me nuts. I wanted the pain to stop.

 

It is not about curing yourself of the pain at this stage. The secret is in how you tackle it.

 

This is going to sound impossible. But you now have a gift of time. Time to build your self up. Start with the food first. Then find some reading material. I found TV frustrating at the start, switched channels every 10 seconds, nothing held my interest - only the thoughts of getting my ex back.

 

The power is in you. Talking to others is a great start! Councilling does help. The main thing is you are able to open up here on this website.

 

Remember, small steps, eat food, drink loads of water, set yourself a few small goals. Every now and then you will lapse into intense pain, but...and this is important.

 

You must fight back.

 

Sometimes this helps.

 

Think of several good times and make the images black and white like an old movie. In your mind, shrink those images and push them away.

 

Then think of several times which were not so good. Brighten up those images so they are fresh and present.

 

Also, think of what you would advise a friend who was going through what you are. How would you help them, what advice would you give? The hard bit is following it. But you can do it.

 

Good luck.