Rat out a cheater, or MYOB?

[MoTay]

Short version: My soon-to-be-ex (a total deceitful, lying cheater) has a friend who is also a deceitful, lying cheater. They are "affair buddies", comparing notes, talking about how wonderful the "other man" is, etc.

 

I found out about my wife's affair (an extended thing over years). The other woman's husband is in the dark.

 

I don't know him. Do I let him know, or MYOB?

 

My instinct is to leave it alone, but I'm conflicted because I sure wish someone would have told me a long time ago about my wife's affair.

[Circe]

Wow - tough call. If she's as awful as all that.. I'd lean towards letting him know.

[thunderman]

Tell him, you're only telling the truth. Actually he's not likely to believe you at first but eventually he would be grateful.

 

If someone drops a wallet as they walk past, wouldn't you give it back to them, or would you keep walking saying it's not your business?

 

Of course you'd give it back (polite assumption here).

[Bella20]

Tell him. She deserves it.

[Samedy]

I'm not sure if this is good advice, I am actually thinking that my advice here could be bad advice...

 

You could send the bloke an anonymous email, telling him what you know and what is going on. That way you would be keeping some distance between yourself and the other person.

[waveseer]

I would not feel I had the right to interfere on the off chance that even though I would want to know, maybe he doesn't. I would, however, encourage my spouse to support her gf being honest with her husband and if she can't at least curtail her extramarital activities.

[top bloke]

My first instinct is to say nothing.My next thought is that what if she gives him a bad disease ? Its not your business but it would be bad if he knew either. Do it if you want.Also be aware that you may become her targeted enemy as well. Wrong doers think its their right to do the wrong thing so be careful.

[furious]

You should expose the rat. Put yourself in his shoes. Living a life of oblivion is far worse than a little hurtful truth.

[Miss Firecracker]

You have to do what you can live with. I'd keep my nose out of it. You have no proof anyway, it's all hearsay.

[AnonymousJohn]

Imagine the situation were exactly as it is now, with the role of you and this other man reversed. He finds out about his wifes affair, and that your wife is doing the same. What would you want this man to do for you? Herein lies the answer to question. If you want the man to tell you, then you should tell him. If you want the man to leave you in the dark, then don't say anything.

[Knead2Know]

Myob........

[arcadefire]

Do not send an anonymous email or message. It will be read as someone trying to break the relationship. I am speaking from experience, as my cheating ex was cheating on me with his ex-gf, who had a boyfriend also. Once I caught my ex, I sent an anonymous message to her bf, which then got shot down immediately as me trying to "blacken" my cheating ex's reputation. Let's say that message back stung.

 

The best bet is to tell the truth in person. Eventually I did it through a phone call (we were in different towns and I found his work phone through his linkedin), but chickened out (as a coworker of his picked it up and asked whether I wanted to speak to him) and instead said "uhhh it is a little personal." Needless to say, karma is a * * * * * and he found out through my cowardly response by asking his cheating gf again.

 

My advice is to not chicken out and just say the truth. Don't do what I did. Man up. Looking back I wish I just told him in person instead of saying excuses why I can't speak to him in person at that time. Once you got it in your head to tell the truth, it's hard to back down from it. I know that feeling. Good luck.

[odile]

If you know for certain that there's been cheating going on, then I think that you should let him know.

[Iceman26]

Hell, if you have proof why not? Go scorched earth on them.

[jengh]

I would want to know so I lean towards telling him. Be sure to have some sort of proof to back yourself up though so you don't look like the bad guy. I think he deserves to at least know. What he chooses to do with the information is his business.