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Having a rough time, and worried.


well-then

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Around three weeks ago I broke up with my ex. We have known each other for a long time, and i considered him as my best friend. When I finally had the guts to ask him out, things moved pretty fast for us.

One night really late we were just talking like normal, getting along very well. He texted me and told me that we should talk about something serious. I was very tired but told him to say it anyways. He told me that he wasn't fit to be my fiancee, which i took badly. Apparently he had been stressing out a lot about how we would afford living together. I feel it's because he liked to promise me a lot of things, and he came to terms that he couldn't give me much of them. I didn't need them, but he was under the impression that I did. I was so irrational I didn't even say that. He was sick and I was frantic, and the whole thing ended very badly at around eight in the morning with a long phone call of us both sobbing and hardly rational, and him entirely cutting contact with me.

 

I didn't exactly handle it like i should have. i tried to contact him a lot, with no success. when i finally decided to leave him be, i got a short message from him saying that he was "in a very unstable state", "had nothing to live for anymore", and that he would not read anything i wrote to him if i responded.

 

while i have not tried to contact him since i am very concerned for his well being. i know he is easily hurt in relationships, which is why our fight was enough for him to completely under. it's a shame i said so many untrue things during that fight. he is self-destructive, i believe struggles with a disorder such as depression but refuses to bring it up to anyone in an attempt to seem normal, and i have no way to check on him.

 

I honestly miss him very much. Up until that point where we fought we'd been very happy together, nothing wavered. I wish I could understand more about why he feels this way, but that's hopeless.

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well-then I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Is there any way that you guys might have some mutual friends or perhaps you know some of his family members that might be able to check up on him?

I know one of his friends very well, but she has had a hard time contacting him also. As for others, I know a few of his friends loosely, but I'm afraid they won't take me seriously.

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I agree you should get someone else to check up on him, but don't contact him yourself.

 

There is always a possibility in these types of situations that the dumper tries to make you pity them and worry about them, so that they don't have to deal honestly with the situation at hand. "I am too messed up right now to talk to you" etc.. He might be okay, but wants to detract from the real issues and not feel too guilty... he's just broken up with you after all...not saying that's the case, its a possibility though.

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Yes, i'll try to get someone to tell me how he's doing.

 

I doubt that he's just using it as a manipulation tactic to make me pity him. The message he sent me was searing and really scared me, and he's always dealt with issues of self-worth.

Although I do think he is avoiding the issues at hand, yeah.

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