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[tiredofvampires]

You built a thatched hut

Outside the raided temple,

Pitched a tent

Outside the ruins.

I would have called you a pilgrim

 

And you spun a bird’s nest

Out of old matchsticks,

Shriveled and charred.

You unbroke the eggs,

Laid them shell to shell.

I would have called you a magician

 

You fashioned a mountain

Out of chasms and gorges,

Separated air from air

With arrow volts.

You spread flowers

Through the bowels of animals.

I would have called you

Master craftsman

 

You snapped the hinges

Off bullet-riddled doors,

Sliced deadbolts in two.

You used lights and lasers,

Shears and claws,

You melted the chains.

You broke into the darkness

And made black ore gold.

I would have called you a soldier

A locksmith

An alchemist

 

Your hands

In their furtive little ways

Brought fireflies in the daytime

And honeybees to the night.

All the spokes from the wheel you took,

And it only spun better.

I called you my soul

 

Then like an urgent wind, you ceased.

Pebbles tumbled to the ditches and lay there.

Lots of tools you left behind --

Do you not need them anymore?

You left that window open

As though I were as free as you,

And while I would have

Called you through it

I don’t know if I ever

Got your name right.

So I am just calling.

Calling.

Calling

[waveseer]

That's amazing. And I just saw your sig *giggle*.

[Capricorn3]

Ohhhhhhhhhh, I LIKE!!

[tiredofvampires]

Thanks, guys...

 

Oh, and waveseer, I just changed my sig to something more somber, but added the old one back in so people might know why you're giggling. heh.

[waveseer]

I could simply *ungiggle* if you'd prefer.

[tiredofvampires]

No, giggling is always encouraged.

[Capricorn3]

I'm intrigued as to what brought on a poem like that. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I write stuff like that too, lol. Just wondering what mood brought it on and where your head was at at the time of writing. I know, I'm weird that way, lol.

[tiredofvampires]

Hmm, that'd be hard to say...because it's kind of a mixture of things. Yearning. The desire to know and be known completely...the feeling of connection and understanding that love can bring. But also, the feeling of incompleteness of that...and fear of being abandoned. Not just abandoned in love, but by life.

 

It's so hard for me to describe my poems...but thank you for your interest enough to ask.

 

Hey, if you write poetry, let's see some from you! That'd be really cool, I love to see people's creative sides here.

[ResonanceTheory]

Beautiful, ToV.

 

It was highly abstracted but I still got it.

[tiredofvampires]

Thanks so much, Res.

 

Interesting you found it "highly" abstract...that's eye-opening...I guess I can't gauge my own stuff too well, because I was thinking this is one of my more "easily-gotten" less-abstract things. Guess it pushes the envelope more than I thought...maybe why when I post poems here, often I get few responses...maybe no one gets them. And I'm not sure that's my goal in poetry...there's "evocative and mysterious", and then there's just plain "huh?" No good on the latter.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Miss Firecracker]

I think it's beautiful but will admit I have no clue what it means.

 

Reminds me a little of Bob Dylan lyrics and I wish he could sing it for us.

[ResonanceTheory]

Thanks so much, Res.

 

Interesting you found it "highly" abstract...that's eye-opening...I guess I can't gauge my own stuff too well, because I was thinking this is one of my more "easily-gotten" less-abstract things. Guess it pushes the envelope more than I thought...maybe why when I post poems here, often I get few responses...maybe no one gets them. And I'm not sure that's my goal in poetry...there's "evocative and mysterious", and then there's just plain "huh?" No good on the latter.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

As my poetry teacher once said, you must earn your abstractions.

 

But let me be clear on what I meant by "abstract". The images you use here aren't literal, but the words you're using and what you're saying are stringing together and making a clear, comprehensible picture. You are right to draw the distinction between poetry that leaves you scratching your head, and poetry that is just mysterious enough to give you the tingles and make you read it another 3 or 4 times.

 

I think your poem was quite good, and I didn't know you wrote, but I suppose I should've guessed!!!

 

I used to write poetry often, but became too busy for it. I am taking a leisure class for poetry now and it's nice to see that there are other people in the world that can write well, even on this forum : )

[Capricorn3]

TOV: Can you clear our your Inbox please? It's full and I can't send you a PM.

 

I hope to see a few more mysterious and intriguing poems from you soon!

[tiredofvampires]

MF: Thank you! That would be most interesting...Bob Dylan!

 

Res: True, about abstractions. But I wonder what your teacher means exactly by "earning" them? (I do suppose if I was famous, I'd be able to get away with them better, eh? lol.) But I gather she meant something more than that.

 

I am completely self-schooled in poetry, and really don't know how well I'd do in a class (though I've taken creative prose classes and workshops). Only because writing "on command" is nearly impossible for me. The muse strikes me, or it doesn't...sometimes months go by and nothing inspires me. Sometimes I work something over for weeks, and it's still not working and very stale. And then other things I write in a couple of hours and they feel like magic. It's just so unpredictable.

 

It's good you're getting back to a class! I recall your posting one of yours here (if memory serves) and thinking it was really good...you must post more!

[ResonanceTheory]

I think she meant that you have to temper your abstractions with concrete observations. Not that many poets do that nowadays, anyways, lol. Some of the stuff by "well known" poets that I've been reading lately is so terribly out of left field that you have to read it line by line to get even an ounce of meaning from it. That kind of poetry is too tedious, imo. Must be lovely to write, though!

 

Class is painful because you have all these people debating the intricacies of your poetry, making up meanings you never intended. It's sort of hard to sit down and face (we workshop our poems). But I suppose it's just a reality of being a "poet".