fixyou_ Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Okay...so my x and I were in NC for 8 months...and last night he im'd me. It took me a while to answer because I just felt like getting sick, I was so nervous. SO: we were together for over a year, two years if you want to include the bs. We broke up in 07 and stopped talking January of 09 (we had had sex and he was angry about something, he didn't text me back until the next day and that hurt...so, I didn't text him back and then 8 months goes by). After he broke up with me...he said he'd give me another chance if I proved it to him. He wouldn't let me do anything with my friends because he didn't like them because we used to smoke pot. I stopped and stopped hanging out with them. He would do whatever he wanted though and the minute I said something about it it would cause a huge fight and I'd always get the blame for it. He also couldn't keep his hands to himself, and I had to defend myself...so he would just blame it on me and when we broke up he told his family that I hit him...............he's trained and 4 inches taller than me. I would have never, EVER done that to anyone if I didn't have to defend myself. That should have never happened, and I will never trust anyone again. I did whatever he told me to do. I loved him...always will, no matter what. Believe me, I wish I could just get this kid out of my head but I can't. Okay, so..he im'd me and asked how I was and stuff and then asked if I wanted to hook up...I said no at first because I didn't want to cry..because I knew I would if I saw him. So, he kept asking and I finally said yes...because I do want to see him, knowing full well he just wants to hook up with me. Idk...I know it was a bad choice, but in all seriousness, I will never love anyone like I love him. I have been in love before, he wasn't my first. I did everything in the world for him. So, he asked me when the last time I had sex was, and if I was talking to anyone else...I didn't say who the last person was (because it was him) and I am not really interested in anyone because my heart is still a wreck. I don't even wanna know what he's been up to, sexually. He has a really, really, really, really good job...and he told me he was in this band and that he had grown out his hair and just recently cut it (he is very good looking, so I can't imagine why he would want to do that)... Look, I know somewhere inside of him he knows that he loves me... and I also know that it's never going to happen again...so, I'll take what I can get. He was put through a lot while he was a child and being in the military didn't help him at all....he's messed up. I just love him so much.... I just wish I never met him. I haven't been able to function since he left me. I feel like what little of myself I had has completely vanished. I am never going to be able to give myself to anyone like the way I gave myself to him. I believe that my heart will truly never recover from what he did to me. I realized tonight that he will never be the same person... I don't know what to do. I don't even know if we will ever talk again. I guess what I am asking for is someone to save me... Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 This is extremely unhealthy! RUN as FAST as you can in the other direction. Honey, it sounds like this boy has complete control over you and he knows it. He knows that after he's done fooling around with whoever else or if he runs into a dry spell, he can call you up and get his fix. I know it's hard and you love him and it's easier to say than do and you might even be angry at me for saying this to you, but you need to get rid of this garbage and open yourself up to someone who doesn't just want your body but wants ALL OF YOU. I really wish I could hug you right now. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 i know he knows that he has complete control over me. I've tried running...I can't. I just stand still. It hurts so much...even years later. all the words we shared and all the dreams we had. I feel even worse now that I gave myself up to him again. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Don't talk to that guy again. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 i know he knows that he has complete control over me. I've tried running...I can't. I just stand still. It hurts so much...even years later. all the words we shared and all the dreams we had. I feel even worse now that I gave myself up to him again. You are stronger than you know. You just have to realize it. Link to comment
I_Speak_Jive Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I really wish I could hug you right now. Ditto. Bad, BAD boyfriend. And BAD ex-boyfriend as well. This guy does not play fair. No matter how bad you are hurting, how much you miss him for now, how much you think your soul has been ripped apart, keep him well away from your life. Not because it will necessarily mean that you'll stop missing him and loving him (you WILL, but time will take care of that), but because every time you let him in you'll get a stab through your heart. I posted this a little while ago in response to someone else, but... Do you know the tale of the frog and the scorpion? Once a scorpion asked a frog to carry him on the frog's back accross the pond. The frog wanted to help but said he was afraid the scorpion would sting it and kill it half way through the trip. The scorpion swore he wouldn't -after all, he couldn't swim at all and if he poisoned the frog, he would drawn and die too. So the frog believed him and allowed the scorpion on his back, and started waddling accross the water. Half way through, the scorpion stung the frog. As they both began to drawn, the frog cried out to the scorpion "why did you do this! you said you wouldn't, and now we will both die!". And the scorpion said "I couldn't help it -it's what I am". It's what he is. The bad childhood, the military -those things are hard and real, but they don't excuse. They merely explain why he is your scorpion, and you cannot take him accross anymore. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 always trust your instincts. Link to comment
SimplySmashing Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Thats it exactly. He's not going to change. You really do need to stop any and all contact with him. Erase his number and email. I know you think right now you can't live without him and not being able to talk to him hurts more than anything but soon you'll realize that he is not living your life. You are. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 I know that I am wrong and that I should be as far away as I can... I'm too weak. I really liked the scorpion/frog story...It's true though. It's sad...I would put up with whatever he did, I still do. I feel so lost. I know that I need help, but I'm afraid of asking it because I haven't been to my physician in forever and I have tests to do and I don't want to, because I don't want to "know" what is "wrong"with me (auto immune). I need a referral. The last referral I got (when my nana died) didn't help at all... I'm afraid of what will come up. I'm already at the brink of not caring at all about anything...and..well, I'm just terrified of what comes next. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 One of the things that bothers me the most is knowing that someday he's going to meet someone and get married and have kids. He promised that all to me and then just kicked me in the face. It gets me so pissed knowing that he will be normal for someone else one day. I do want him to be happy, believe me...and I know it will never be with me. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 One of the things that bothers me the most is knowing that someday he's going to meet someone and get married and have kids. He promised that all to me and then just kicked me in the face. It gets me so pissed knowing that he will be normal for someone else one day. I do want him to be happy, believe me...and I know it will never be with me. Someday YOU will meet someone, get married, have kids and share a life with someone who will want you in theirs ALWAYS. Right now you need to cut all forms of communication with this jerk, surround yourself with good friends or go out and make some new ones and even get into counseling if you have to. I started counseling and it has worked wonders for me, even if it's just an extra person to share my feelings with. You keep saying that you can't do this and that you're too weak but all of that is just an excuse to hold onto something that isn't even there. Just let go and realize that you have more potential than this. YOU DESERVE MORE. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Thank you for your kind words, I really do want to just run away... but I'm just a mess. I'm socially challenged, I can't make friends...that's part of the problem too. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Thank you for your kind words, I really do want to just run away... but I'm just a mess. I'm socially challenged, I can't make friends...that's part of the problem too. Are there any clubs you could join? Have any hobbies? Maybe take a class or something? Dance, art, music... all of those are very healing and you'll meet people that have the same interests as you. I've been thinking about taking martial arts. It's something I've never done before but it's more than learning about how to fight. It's about self control and I think that's something I need to learn right now. Link to comment
SimplySmashing Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 You're not weak. In fact you are very strong if you've been torturing yourself this long. But trust me he is not worth that. You are obviously very kind and compassionate to put up with him. But really how much better would it be if you spent all that effort on someone who made you feel good? And really there is someone out there who will. I know what you're going through. You may feel like he is the only one for you and you need him but this won't get better unless you let go. Spend some time with friends and family. Soon you will realize how great life can be without him, Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I hope you don't think I'm not taking your feelings into consideration. I know it's not as simple as just waking up one morning and being "over it." I personally get so mad at people when they say that to me because if I COULD I WOULD. I've been involved with my ex off/on for nearly 7 years. We were best friends in high school and shared a very powerful connection. However, he kept breaking up with me because he felt like I didn't understand him and he thought there might be someone better out there for him. Some time would pass and eventually he would come back and I took him every time. This last time we were together for 2.5 years and were even living together for the last year. We had a beautiful loft apartment with a cat and even though we had some rough patches with money and other life stresses I thought we had a wonderful life. Then out of the blue he wants to end it again for pretty much the same reasons. I was devastated and I couldn't believe that he had done this to me AGAIN. And that I let him. I slept all the time, lost 15 pounds, and felt so much pain that I thought my chest would implode. It's been 2.5 months since the breakup and 7 weeks since we've spoken. Am I still upset? Sure. Do I wish he would realize that he made a horrible mistake and come crawling back? Definitely. Would I take him back again? My first instinct is to say yes. I know it's foolish but I think about how much I put into that relationship and that it would be foolish to just give up. But it's not about ME anymore. I did all that I could. It's up to him to want to change and right now I don't think he ever will. But I can say that with each day that goes by I get a little better and I've been smiling a lot more lately. Also, I've started going out on dates and there might be a new guy in the picture. He calls me, texts me, wants to take me out and introduces me to all of his friends. He reminds me of my ex in the good ways... but definitely not the bad. You never know what's out there until you open yourself up to other possibilities. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 i'm not ready to look or even think about someone else. I do not think you weren't considering my feelings at all, and I appreciate you and anyone else who takes there time trying to help me or anyone. I was doing good...went 8 months without talking to him.. I know I need to get away from him for the sake of my sanity. I am very sorry to hear that you have been through something similar. I wish you all the best. Link to comment
SimplySmashing Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Oh you sound much better now I'm glad you realize you need to stay away from him. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 i guess i could look in to joining a club...i'm a full time student... in my jr year. can't make friends with anyone in class...too awkward i guess. i have a little ocd and get really nervous. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Ehh, I wouldn't say I am better...I just know better but can't save myself. Link to comment
allgood Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 One of the things that bothers me the most is knowing that someday he's going to meet someone and get married and have kids. He promised that all to me and then just kicked me in the face. It gets me so pissed knowing that he will be normal for someone else one day. I do want him to be happy, believe me...and I know it will never be with me. you really really need to boost up your self esteem girl. You need to seek help from a professional.....no offense but i think you need to do it or youll drown in your own insecurities Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I understand the feeling of not even wanting to think about being with anyone else. I thought the same thing when other people told me that I should consider going out with other people. But it's not about getting into a relationship with someone new right away. It's about getting out of the house and spending time with someone who wants to spend time with you. And if they tell you how great, smart and beautiful you are then GREAT because us dumpees really need to hear that right now. Just let the new person know that you aren't ready for anything serious but just want to have a good time. It's better than sitting at home looking at their facebook page all the time. I still do that Link to comment
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