Had to put my beautiful kitty down today...

[browneyedgirl36]

UPDATE:

 

I went to pick up my kitty's ashes at the vet's today. What an emotional morning it was. It started with opening my door and finding a small package -- from the veterinary hospital -- with a card signed by the doctor and his staff as well as a little pin (a kitty with wings and a halo -- very cute). I lost it when I read the card and looked at that pin -- I just started bawling. Then, I went to pick up the ashes, and when I walked in, the staff all saw me, and I saw the looks on their faces. One of the girls who worked the desk came out from behind the desk and hugged me and asked me how I am Then, the office manager came out and handed me my kitty's ashes and hugged me too. I gave her the cards I had gotten for the doctor and the two techs (I had put a picture of my kitty in each one), thanked them all, and left. I cried in the car, and I have cried off and on all day today. It was sad, too, because I have been going to that office for nearly 18 months, and I got to know the people there. Now, I have no reason to go there anymore. I feel like I've lost some friends, and I will miss them.

 

Now it's hitting me. She is really gone. I have framed some pictures of her and put them in my apartment. I have been lighting candles next to them. I have the cards that people have given me displayed. I even made a little pendant with her picture on it that I can wear around my neck if I want to. I plan to make a scrapbook at some point, but the feelings are too raw. I don't think I can do it right now. I have the book and a lot of pictures, though, and I know eventually I will get to it. I have her little box of ashes (a really nice little wooden box, sealed up -- a beautiful light-colored wood) sitting on one of the nightstands in my bedroom; I'm still thinking of a place to give it a permanent home.

 

I am so sad tonight. I have a great job, great friends, a family who loves me, a comfortable place to live -- but I miss my cat so much, and I am so lonely right now in the wake of her death as well as yet another "shift" in the relationship between me and my ex. I believe this sadness is a signal -- it is time to move on. Time to leave the ex behind. Time to start over again, maybe someday with someone else. Someday, too, it will be time to get another cat, but that will be a few months off yet.

 

I know it will get better. I have experienced a lot of loss lately (lost a relative a couple of months ago and just had the memorial service a few weeks back), my kitty, my relationship with my ex -- I have a lot of mourning to do. Some days, I think I can handle it. Today, I feel very fragile, and I don't know how it's going to all work out.

 

Thanks for reading. I hope all of this made sense. I'm feeling a little disjointed right now.

[Lonewing]

Well, it's going to work out peacefully...how do I know? Well, it just has my whole life!

[browneyedgirl36]

Well, it's going to work out peacefully...how do I know? Well, it just has my whole life!

 

Thank you, Lonewing. I know it will work out for me, too. Just now I was thinking...it is so painful to have lost my kitty, and my ex, but...this grief is a good thing, in a sense...it shows me just how much I loved them both (and still do). It is a wonderful thing to be able to love someone so much, isn't it? Losing them is sad, but...I have to remember how much richer my life has been with them in it.