rebelfac Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 SHe left 10 months ago and is living with another guy with our daughter and is very happy. I keep thinking of the happy times over the last 14 years with her and my daughter. I go back to so many memories and wonder why they don't mean much to her anymore. She said I was her soul mate and we were so close and far beyond best friends. We got married in Lake Taho and went back so many times an cherrished memories together. We lived in 4 different houses, went on 5 cruises and just enjoyed being together as a family. I know that I must have done something right to last 14 years. Sure the single life can be enjoyable but why didn't I appreciate what I had. I need to stop beating myself up. I guess 14 years is a long time these days and it ran it's course. She was engaged to me at 19 and it seems that people who marry these days young want to experience the excitement again of a new honeymoon period. Passion does fade when living together for so long but I have grown and changed. If I just had another chance I could prove it but she is happy now and likely feels its too little too late. I wish their was something that would work but am on good terms because of our daughter. I am living 5 hours away and wonder if I move back closer if it would increase my odds. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Men don't do this intentionally, but after a few years together, many of you tend to ignore us or take us for granted. It just happens. As females, we make a decision that you are worth hanging around in spite of being largely ignored, or do we go for new men and being courted again. I have stayed because I know the next man will more than likely go down the same path. Now, I'm sure women do this to some extent also, but when we get married to you, it is YOU we want to talk to and share things with. Men respond by saying we talk too much. Pretty soon we find someone who actually wants to converse with us. Then we have to make the decision; stay or go. She chose to leave and if she seems happy with the other guy, leave it alone. Just use what you have learned in your next relationship. By the way, I would move closer to her just for your daughter's sake. She needs you more than her mother ever will. Link to comment
rebelfac Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 I definitely didn't ignore her but I id take her for granted and will regret this for the rest of my life. Yes we sometimes never think they will leave and expect a warning if they weren't happy. She said that I only showed affection out of obligation and she didn't feel loved. i wasn't selfish in bed but I was fine with twice a week and she i think wanted more and definitely more affection. She seems to be having a midlife crises and thinks she has 7 more years until 40 to be desired. She also said looks mean nothing to her and is likely being treated like a princess by this guy who isn't very attractive but is funny. Thanks for the feedback and I do think I need to be closer but my 12 year old is into her friends then will soon be into boys. I guess I have no choice but to let me ex go and move on which I am starting to do. I have been talking to women but they just don't compare to her. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Whatever happened in your situation rebelfac you need to stop beating yourself up and forgive youself for what happened or its going to eat you up, you deserve to be happy too and people make mistakes. Try to start letting go of the past and be there for your daughter, yes your ex may have been great but that doesnt mean that there isnt someone else out there for you that is great- why not- she was...... Link to comment
mellow Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 14 years worth of memories is hard to shake off, I can't imagine it, please be strong, my hear goes out to you. It takes time, it's hard as hell, but hopefully you will recover. Link to comment
rebelfac Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 Whatever happened in your situation rebelfac you need to stop beating yourself up and forgive youself for what happened or its going to eat you up, you deserve to be happy too and people make mistakes. Try to start letting go of the past and be there for your daughter, yes your ex may have been great but that doesnt mean that there isnt someone else out there for you that is great- why not- she was...... It is so great to see people here who care. Your are right that I need to stop living in the past. Things change right? I mean my daughter is growing up and will be on her own one day. It's just hard to imagine connecting with anyone the way we did. Yes i learned but why did I have to learn the hard way with her after it was to late. You are right that people make mistakes but I had time to correct them. We chatted a lot over the last couple of days and I am so proud of my daughter. I do get credit for being a great father so i have no regrets about that except that. I do need to stop being a whimp this isn't like me. She really is an amazing person and I am lucky to have been with her for so long. I had a love once before her so i just need to know it will happen again. We all need to see this light at the end of the tunnel. I just needed to vent my feelings. I thank you all for trying to cheer me and others up. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Vent away thats what this place is for, there are some awesome people on here that will help you, they sure have dragged me out of the dolldrums many times. I know its hard and the length of time you guys were together is a very long time but start trying to look at it more positively, the most wonderful thing that came out of it all im sure is your daughter, your a great dad and that is so precious, many many people would kill for that. Life is hard and people often do learn the hard way because its often the only way, how would you learn anything if it was all so easy? im sure you wouldnt make alot of the same mistakes you have in the past. I often think that when things are hard its because they are worth doing. Never lose hope that youl find someone new one day and in the meantime give yourself a break and learn your lessons, work on yourself and you wont go far wrong xx There is always light at the end of the tunnel and there are always positives that come out of negative situations if you look hard enough. Link to comment
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