If the Shoe Doesn't Fit...It's Not Your Fault???

[starry eyed girl]

Hi! I haven't posted in a while now. But I've read a lot of posts here lately. Trying to find answers to my current issue.

 

A little background: After a long term relationship, I mourned my ex for about a year. After that I was very needy and got really hurt after every single mini-breakup with guys I went out with. I even dated a long lost love for a while (he was recently divorced and I was clingy and insecure, so that didn't work out).

 

I eventually got sick and tired of being depressed all the time and started rebuilding. I took charge of my own hapiness and I don't feel needy, lonely or insecure anymore. Since then, my life has been pretty good. Im doing things for myself. Working out. I went back to study a masters. Ive been hanging out with people who share common interests (spirituallity, meditation, music, etc...). Ive been meeting new people and making new friends (mostly women which is great since most of my old friends are married or have steady relationships and I don`t get the chance to see them that often).

 

The thing is: I can't seem to find the right guy for me. I don't feel lonely, but it would be nice to share my time with someone who loves me.

 

I've had dates (good and bad). The guys that I like don't call back and, ironically, I'm not interested in the guys that do call back. Most men I've met recently are either a) not my type, b) not into me, c) just looking for a one night stand, or d) married (and looking for a one night stand).

 

I met a guy a couple of months ago in a class and he's been asking me out. Right away he started flirting but I knew that something wasn't right (I thought I could be sabotaging myself, so I kept going out with him). He's kind and good looking, well mannered and a good guy (I love good guys). But I don't feel so comfortable around him (I can't put my finger on it and I feel that he's not that into me either).

 

One of my best friends is getting married, and when she was telling me how she found the perfect dress she said "I didn't know what I wanted, all of the dresses were beautiful... but then I tried one that fit perfectly and I just knew it was the one". I know a partner is not like a dress... but I want to feel that. I want to meet someone that actually fits.

 

Is it just that I haven't met the "one"? am I to picky? should people settle for something they don't feel is "perfect" for them? I understand that no one is perfect, but I believe that it should at least feel like its perfect for you (admiration, attraction, common ground, butterflies, dizzyness, etc...)

[Xplode]

i have been infatuated with the two girls i have been in love with.

now i have had 2 other relationships where i didnt feel in love with them, nor was i infatuated with them, after 2 weeks they were over. and i have no regrets to this day.

 

wish i could advise. but its good to hear your happy on your own at least. im only just getting there now,

[Crazyaboutdogs]

When you meet "the one" you will know. It is not a good idea to settle and force yourself to be with someone who doesn't knock your socks off. Lots of people have settled and regret it later as there is a big hole missing in their life....then they end up cheating or dumping their partner anyway. Better to be alone than to be with someone you are ambivalent about.

[jess2009]

 

Is it just that I haven't met the "one"? am I to picky? should people settle for something they don't feel is "perfect" for them? I understand that no one is perfect, but I believe that it should at least feel like its perfect for you (admiration, attraction, common ground, butterflies, dizzyness, etc...)

 

They say that True love appears in your life ...when you least expected..so i guess keeping dating other people and keep the social life up and don't expect ...i think things needs to run on their own time course...before they actually happen....and yes you should never settle for the second best...you will never be happy...when deep inside you now that you cud have waited/or tried harder to found the right person......

 

you will know when you will meet the right person..........

[Nixee]

I could have written this post exactly. This is exactly how I feel.

 

I don't know what advice I have to offer, other than to tell you you are definitely not alone.... keep the faith that it WILL happen.

 

I definitely don't want to settle either... and lately I have been dating a really great guy too, who seems to like me and treats me well, but I'm not sure if my feelings will develop more. Taking things one step at a time.