PLEASE HELP ME OUT!!! I AM DESPERATE!!

[roccosgal]

I have been involved with a man for the last 13 months. He is divorced and has custody of his two young kids. I have gotten to know the kids and they have gotten to know me and we get along great. Well, last month when I went to visit him( we were in a long distance relationship, because of military obligations) we had a great time. I got home and the next day he called me and told me that he felt like he needed to break it off since he did not think that he could give me what I wanted. He felt like I as a 35 year old woman is desperate to get married within the next year and have kids. He does not want anymore. I never told him I wanted any kids, I felt like being a stepmom to his children would be enough. He never told me in the 13 months that we were together that he was in love with me, but he showed it in different ways by sending me plane tickets to come visit, sending me flowers, giving me gifts and helping me repair things around my place. He always told me that every minute with me was wonderful for him. Well I feel like he got nervous about his feelings and his thinking that I wanted to get married and have kids that he broke it off. This was a month ago and during the 26 days he has been in contact 13 of those days either through email or phone calls. I am trying to get over him, but I can't since he is contacting me. He wants to be friends with me he says since we had such a great thing that he still wants to be in contact. I told him 3 times already that I don't want to be his friend, that I can't do that. Well this week he sent me two emails upset that I was not emailing him back, I told him that I was not going to be his email buddy and that if he wanted to talk to me that he needed to call me and talk about things that were substantial, like us. NOt BSing about nothing at all. I also wrote that in aletter that I mailed him and told him that as much as I love him and want to I can't be his friend. I told him that becuase I love him so much I am going to give him space to decide what he wants out of his life. Well, to make a long story short, I think I ruined it. I think my harshness might have just totally cut it for good. He will not email or call me now. I guess that is what I wanted in the first place cause my heart hurt so badly. But, now that he is not contacting me my heart is totally broken. I can't even concentrate or do anything. I want him back soooooo badly!! Does anyone think they know what is happening? He is a strong military man who does not show his emotions, so he is a hard one to crack. Do I keep hoping or do I give up? ANY help would be appreciated.

[nenez]

Hi

Don't give up but leave him alone. If he wants to come back he will. You've told him that you don't want to be just friends so you cannot expect him to contact you on a casual basis at the moment. I did exactly this in a very similar situation a few years ago. Sadly the man in question was unable to give very much emotionally. He did gifts etc but did not verbally express himself. He was just unable to make that sort of a bond. Its been 5 years and he has not had a proper relationship since.

I did miss him terribly at forst but it does get better, You will recover.

You have the advantage of distance, your own life is in place and you don't have the danger of running into him all the time.

Go out with your friends, enjoy yourself. Give yourself some serious pampering and find your own happy place.

He will come back to you if he is able. If he is not than you are better off because a life with a withholding person can be desperately painful.

Take good care and try to keep busy.

With love