invincible Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 hi,im 21 and i happened to meet a cousin of mine couple of months back.we got a bit close to each other..and somehow i happened to fall for her..shes 2 years younger to me..and she alwayz was keen in knowing me when i used to visit her home once in a while..but at that point i never used to open up. Things changed this time when she gave her number and we started talking to each other.We were so frank with one another,especially her..i got ample care as well as i gave her all possible love and care i coud give her..Dont know,smwhere amidst all this i started loving her and wanting her to be my girl forever..my feelings are purely genuine and true..i never fell for her looks or with any other intention as such..i then proposed to her 1 fine day..because i was afraid if i dont,i will never get to know..shes goin a bit far from me to do her mba.she first refused,and then started crying..and said that since she was too open to me,it motivated all such feelings from me..i happened to say her once to her by mistake that i consider her as a sister..but that was a lie and i had to say it when she was talking about the girl who will whom she will find for me one day..Just 2 days after that i did propose and she asked me why i told her that i consider her as my sister..She also told me she likes me,loves me as well.bt said it will never work.because we are from the same family..as days passed by,i was never able to come out f it..and she kept changing whatever she said..at times she said shes scared tht she'll fall in love with me,and at anther point she said she doesnt have any of sort of these feelings towards me..Never ever did she give me a clear picture..she could have atleast told me to get lost...but she din't do that either..Shes the only child of her mother and lost her dad when she was 3 years old.And also was brought up by her grandparents..Now im pretty far away from her..in another country so as to learn how to live without her.bt i still cannot..she still haunts me ..all the time&im never able to flush her out of my mind completely..I do want her badly..i just dont know how i can get her as my life partner,how to make her love me the way i do..how to convince her that if its family constraints then i can solve it on my own..we have never told a goodbye yet and are still in touch..Can some 1 please help me with this problem??im totally desperate... Link to comment
pinkrobot Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 She refused your proposal because you're related. That's a valid reason, and you need to accept that it's something that would probably make her uncomfortable. There's nothing you can do to make her want to be with you romantically. Just give it some time without talking to her and really focus on yourself. I know it hurts now, but it won't hurt forever. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 I have heard (but I'm not 100% certain on this point) that marrying your cousin these days isn't as harmful if you were to have children because our genetics are a lot more diverse due to people moving to the U.S. from all over the world and marrying people that aren't closely related to them. However, you are BOTH first cousins. I don't know if there is a law against that, I believe in some places there is. I know that its perfectly fine to marry a second cousin. You need to be careful though, if you were to marry and have children there is still the possibility of genetic problems. My mothers family had issues with hemophelia and mental illnesses because four or five generations ago my family married distant relatives. Now that isn't the case, but I'm just telling you that as a precaution. Link to comment
android Posted August 29, 2009 Share Posted August 29, 2009 well, i thought he was asking about how to forget her? Link to comment
invincible Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 I just cant concentrate on anything.....dont even want to lose her at d same time..do u think i shud remain as a gud,close friend and try to make her fall for me finally.does that work?coz my friend had the same experience and his girl finally gave herself in..it took a long time thogh. Link to comment
Imprecision Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 To get her, you need to tell her, repeatedly, that you care deeply for her. Insist that you need her, your life-quality decreases without her, etc. and she kept changing whatever she said..at times she said shes scared tht she'll fall in love with me,and at anther point she said she doesnt have any of sort of these feelings towards me..Never ever did she give me a clear picture..she could have atleast told me to get lost...but she din't do that either.. Without realising it, she's testing you to see 1. if you're a man who sticks up for yourself, and 2. if you truly cared about her. Think about it this way - If you would back off just because she said "bt said it will never work.because we are from the same family" or other nonsense - then you aren't a really committed lover, are you? In this case, persistence and audacity will pay off. If she brings up the same "objection" multiple times, you should get mad at her. Tell her, "Look! I really care about you. So snap out of it! I won't stand for this kind of nonsense." Btw, there's nothing wrong with cousins marrying. Until recently, it was the norm in most societies. Link to comment
rigguy Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Tough spot buddy. Sounds like both of you got yourselves in a tough situation. Always is when it comes to family. You got to get yourself in a right state of mind first dude. Agree with Imprecision on some points but DO NOT Insist that you need her, your life-quality decreases without her, etc. Have a chat with her, make her understand how you feel and let it go. Give her some time and allow yourself to gain a perspective. Take it day by day, do what you do, take up new hobbies and concentrate on yourself, that’s the only way to flush her out of your mind. Hell, in tough situations I have taken up hobbies I never thought I would and made some lifelong friends. Keep it up buddy. Rooting for you Link to comment
android Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Why do guys always go after girls who seem to care least about them? Link to comment
android Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 why isnt invincible saying anything? hello? Link to comment
invincible Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 One thing,i kno she does is she cares abt me..she cald me today askin hw i was and said tht she missed me a lot..i dont buy that though from her..it must b for some formality sake she said that..its true,atleast in my case that i alwayz end up with the wrong girls..she was d nly 1 who taught me what true love is and it hurts to know that i can love her like that in my memories..i never got attracted to any girl in the past four years of my graduation.it was this one that meant a lot to me and now she's going away from me...Anyhow,the quest for love in my life ends over here..and im not goin for any of dis stuff anymore...its been consumin me since d past 2 months and i've known no respite..Just that for the tme-being im finding it hard to forget..just when i ws tryn to forget her,her call came..its like some thing is calling her back in my life..some divine force..yeah and that very force is killlin me all day.. Link to comment
Imprecision Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 she cald me today askin hw i was and said tht she missed me a lot..i dont buy that though from her..it must b for some formality sake she said that She's clearly testing you. Just do what I say, and you'll get her. Link to comment
android Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 hmmm.. excellently put... i was wondering if you would like to follow imprecision's advice... seems too cumbersome and you might not be able to do anything else... plus, how long has she to test you? i don't get it... looks like she has done a lot of that... you sound a very shaky person yourself dude, not able to make strong decisions here... but i believe that's what love does.. do what you think best dude. good luck Link to comment
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