Very Confused

[Lozak]

Hi there,

 

I've been attracted to this girl that I work with for some time now, and for the longest time I couldn't figure out of these feelings were mutual, as she's apparently very apt at sending mixed signals. Well I eventually grew tired of this, and, even though I was informed she was "talking" to somebody else by a mutual friend, went out on a limb and talked to her about it.

 

Not surprisingly, I got the typical "I like just being friends with you!" response, which normally wouldn't bother me. Sad to say, I'm used to rejection by now. The problem came in shortly after that - about 3 days after that conversation, she started talking to me WAY more often than normal, texting me every day (even during school and while she was working), and even asking me out to dinner on the weekend.

 

Now I'm trying not to make too much of this, and just be logical and tell myself that she's acting this way because she finally feels like she doesn't have to worry about sending the "wrong message," and we can just hang out and be friends. However, there's always this little sliver of hope in me that I can't seem to squash - it keeps telling me (even though I know I'm in the friend zone now) that things have changed, and all that sort of nonsense.

 

What do you guys make of the situation? Any advice?

[waveseer]

Be cool, if she wants you it will be because you make her work for it.

[WomanWriter]

Or she could feel guilty that she only sees you as a friend, so she's trying to make it up to you by being extra nice? Not sure if that's the case....

[Lozak]

I dunno - honestly, the whole situation has me at a loss for words. Every time we go out (just got back from the whole dinner/movie thing with her as I type this, actually) we both have a great time, and I'm able to constantly keep her laughing and smiling, but she never really gives any signs that anything is happening or is going to happen.

 

At this point I'm trying to convince myself that nothing will come of it regardless of how much I want it and move on. After all: If she's the one who turned me down, then she wouldn't expect me to make another attempt if she suddenly started feeling differently, right?

[odile]

After all: If she's the one who turned me down, then she wouldn't expect me to make another attempt if she suddenly started feeling differently, right?

 

I agree.

 

If you expressed interest in her, and she said that she wasn't interested in dating you, then I would take her at her word.

 

If she changes her mind, you will definitely get some sort of obvious signal from her.

Unless that happens, then continuing to try read into motivations for her desire to spend time with you is only going to hinder your friendship.

And that would be sort of sad, considering it does sound like she genuinely enjoys your company as a friend, and vice versa.

[Lozak]

I know, but it's just so damned hard to settle for being "just friends" when I care about her so much.