So close...

[Timbone]

We had everything in common, got along fantastically, talked easily, laughed even easier. She liked me, as well as her baby. But alas... no easy spark.

 

Yup, the spark, just not there - not completely. There's something, but we're both not sure what it is.

 

She actually had the balls to call me, and not just let me slide off into the unknown, leaving me wondering! I was so proud of her for that, and told her so. Something felt off about our kiss last night, she knew it, and I could feel that she knew something was up. And she actually was a real woman, and she called, and we talked for a while. We're on good terms, though I have no real allusion that I will hear from her again. And that's okay. I want her to be happy, to find that spark, even if not with me.

 

I didn't see any point in getting angry at her or with her. I couldn't, she had the strength of character to call, if nothing else that showed that she respected me.

 

So, another miss in the hunt for the one who can make me happy. But it's bittersweet, I suppose, since at least she was different than the majority.

[Keyman]

Keep your head up dude!

[Mimori]

Sadly, that happens a lot. At least with me it does, I sometimes feel the spark and sometimes I don’t-doesn’t matter how perfect the person is…I just can’t figure out why I don’t feel things with some really great guys… Keep your head up and keep looking… That spark is worth searching for… No one should have to settle-and you both acted like adults about the matter… Your getting close and at the very least, at least now you met someone who cares for you… maybe the timing is just wrong for the two of you, but least you got a new friend out of it… =)

[Eye]

I think looking for "the spark" can be creating pressure that isn't helpful. I think she may have made a mistake in letting you slip by!

 

We DO have to settle. Every couple settles. Every HAPPY couple settles. That's OK. You settle in some ways, not in others, and you never know what those ways will be. Life is imperfect. So I say, avoid adding extra little rules to complicate it further.

 

In this case, maybe she made up an unnecessary extra rule: there must be "the spark" right away or it will never be there, and a weird kiss is a deal-breaker. I'm sure a lot of people think that way, but I think it's too simple. Keeping an open mind a little longer can really help sometimes.

 

Better luck next time!

[Mimori]

That untrue about how every couple settles. Every HAPPY couple doesn't have to settle... Granted, people do settle and can be happy for doing so. But a lot of people don't settle and still find happiness. So generalizing that everyone who settles is the way to be happy...is inccorect. Sorry...but I don't believe EVERYONE has to settle to be HAPPY...

 

I don't believe anyone is searching for perfection. If you want someone who meets whatever it is your looking for. That's not settling. If you want someone whose more outgoing, there for you more, but then you settle for the shy, responsible (holds a job etc) guy...You actually don't just automatically = happiness. IMO. If your dating someone who you aren't just settling for; you end up more happy then the other way around...

[Timbone]

I dunno. I'm thinking of just calling it quits for a while. With this, it's just been too much. So many signs on the positive end, only to be struck down just when it seems that this one could have legs. Compounded with the fact that several women that have returned online contact and then just fall away into the ether...

 

I just don't think that it's my time right now. There's been no real spark on my end or the other person's end for a while. I think it would be best to throw in the towel, at least until after Valentine's day.

[Eye]

That untrue about how every couple settles.

 

I think we agree, because I don't mean "settles overall"--but settles in SOME ways. We have dreams and concoct checklists (even if we don't consciously craft them) and the lists of our desired elements can get really long. But we'll never find everything on the list. So don't settle on the BIG stuff if you don't have to (some do) but also don't expect that you won't settle on anything.

 

And that doesn't mean you'll FEEL like you're settling--it means you'll end up with someone who isn't exactly what you imagined--and may still be very happy. Like the person who swears she could never date a short man, and ends up glad she did.

 

In this instance, the woman could have settled for someone who created the "spark" gradually, instead of quickly. She'd be giving up something on her "checklist," but it just might have worked out great! Now she can't find out.

[coldplay.]

Expectations are too high, live life to be happy, dont live life to meet the "one" because the harder you look the less likely you will be to find the. That isnt just cliched either, think about it, when you let relationship failure and the search for someone special you stop being who you really are.

[Eye]

I think TV, the movies, online dating sites, and the current culture in general create an unrealistic fantasy of romance. This fantasy makes people less happy with what IS possible. This fantasy hurts people.