Am I being really stupid? Need some support/advice.

[AngryHeart]

This is going to sound stupid, but I guess I just need some support. I suffer anxiety disorder, trust and similar issues and feeling real anxious just now. Everybody here is in bed so nobody to talk to. My boyfriend (only been together 5 weeks) is going to Uni in September, and I know he's sharing an apartment with 2 girls and a guy. He says that the one girl he hasn't known that long, her boyfriend is living there too. The other girl he's known a year,she also has a boyfriend and if anything was going to happen it would have happened by now, because they've known each other a while, and she would hang out at the appartment last year all the time.He said he doesn't fancy either of them.I don't like the idea of it, but I just have to try and trust him and live with it - it was arranged before he even knew me! But, just now I got the thought "What if he shares a room with one of the girls?" and I'm feeling all worked up about it, because I don't know his sleeping arrangaments.

 

Is it likely? Should I ask him when I next talk to him, or will it piss him off? We were arguing this weekend, because I was getting anxious about things, and had ran out of my pills. And we just had this communication clash - he admitted he was moody that weekend as well. And I'm thinking about the girls that will be around him when he goes out, and if those girls he's living with will walk around in their underware and things like that. But I know I need to be careful, this is how my other relationships ended(they didn't live with girls, but the same issues) He's at work tomorrow and said he would call me tomorrow evening, but I'm dying to get reassurance.

[uofagirl]

I suffer from anxiety --- I know the feeling. I can totally relate to how you are feeling.

 

I think anxiety disorder or not, this would be a common worry amongst anyone.

 

This is when trust comes into play. You have no reason not to trust him right? And by not trusting him for no reason you may scare him away. You gotta have blind faith.

 

Surely you can talk to him about it, but like the above poster said; don't accuse. Just express your feelings. Let him know you are a little uneasy. But do it in a way that you don't come off as insecure and jealous.

 

Good luck!

[savignon]

I can't imagine 2 girls who have boyfriends (one of whom lives there) will be walking around in their underwear or hitting on him when he has a gf.

But, I guess that's the thing about anxiety, right? The rational just doesn't make it feel better.

Make sure you address your anxiety separately from the relationship. He may grow tired of having to defend himself and reassure you when some of the reactions are unwarranted. It would be great if you worked on those issues for yourself so that you don't have to suffer like this in the future.

[jenna981]

how far is he going to be living? will you's be visiting each other? maybe if you visit his apartment, meet the girls and the guy living there you'd feel better hopefully seeing they are nice, normal people that wouldn't do anything out of line. if these are your boyfriend's friends, maybe yous can all go out to dinner and get to know each other.

[vivisection-8]

Is it likely? Should I ask him when I next talk to him, or will it piss him off? We were arguing this weekend, because I was getting anxious about things, and had ran out of my pills. And we just had this communication clash - he admitted he was moody that weekend as well. And I'm thinking about the girls that will be around him when he goes out, and if those girls he's living with will walk around in their underware and things like that. But I know I need to be careful, this is how my other relationships ended(they didn't live with girls, but the same issues) He's at work tomorrow and said he would call me tomorrow evening, but I'm dying to get reassurance.

 

Hey... You have to learn from the past. Despite your medical problem, you are still held by the same kind of standards everyone else is and that's part of why you're medicated for it. That is a fantastic thing and it shows you have the will to do better. You can't sweat the small stuff. You are going to strangle the relationship to death if you, after 5 weeks, are so clingy and anxious that you are causing fights over him having female roommates.

 

Bear one thing in mind with relationships - They come and go, but you're stuck with yourself forever. Be kind to yourself by not seeking so much reassurance from a man. Men are imperfect beings just like you and other people see through different perspectives. No two eyes see the world the same. That and if you're going to get anxious about him being in the vicinity of women.... Hoooo buddy, you're in for a whole lot of arguments as there are a LOT of females out there!!

[AngryHeart]

Yeah, well it's over now anyway! Thanks for the replies everyone. I guess I made the same mistakes again - atlough honestly, I don't think he was all THAT into me anyway. He admitted his flaws, and I admitted mine, he left without working on it. He admitted he's not great with expressing himself/feelings, and that doesn't really go well with me. It just wasn't meant to be.