Sandie_Cali Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Well everyone, my boyfriend just broke up with me cause I went to the bowling alley where he works. I wanted to go bowling and was not tired so I took our 3 year old daughter to the bowling alley and when we arrived he came out and asked if I had brought his clothing.. I was like what??? He said that he had told me if I ever went we would break up. Well I am now sure he is either cheating on me or trying to mess around otherwise why would he not want us there??? Why would he say to my face that he was single and I did not have to know what he was doing?? I told him "What is it?? Why dont you just show me where your Ho is at." I know I should not have said that, but that is how I feel. He was hiding us and trying to put up a front that he was single. When a friend of his came over to say "Hi" and asked how I was doing, I said great just came down to bowl, and he broke up with me because we are here. He did not say anything and just looked at my, X like he was an idiot. I went ahead and bowled for two games and I could see that it got to him he did not want us there, I just ignored him and had a good time with my daughter. Then when we left he said, you are the one who did this to our daughter, and I said "No, you are with your lies and cheating." He has texted me with I am sure lots of its my fault and cussing, along with voice mails, I am not hearing not looking at them. NC. I am just hurt by this, why wouldnt he want me there?? We live together??? He told me "You better not come" No one tells me what to do, or I do the opposite, he is not my boss nor can he tell me where to go and where not to go. I trust him even less that I did before..... Link to comment
Maroney555 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 [What other issues have there been? This can't be just about a bowling alley.... Link to comment
needadvice911 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 [What other issues have there been? This can't be just about a bowling alley.... i was thinking the same thing. There has to be more going on... Link to comment
Supersonic Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Lack of Trust is pretty much the deal breaker to all relationships. That sounds pretty immature. From my experience when you have that gut feeling when it comes to that your right. Good luck. Link to comment
kevinm Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 OP, I'm sorry... his behavior sounds totally irrational to me. If I were involved with someone, particularly if I had a child with someone... how awesome would it be for them to come to my work!!! Especially if I worked at a bowling alley! I'd be able to do my job and watch my woman and daughter play... sounds more like heaven to me. -Kevin Link to comment
Difficult Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 [What other issues have there been? This can't be just about a bowling alley.... i was thinking the same thing. There has to be more going on... I agree. This is the equal of launching a nuke at Russia because it farted. What led up to this? Link to comment
Maroney555 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 OP, I'm sorry... his behavior sounds totally irrational to me. If I were involved with someone, particularly if I had a child with someone... how awesome would it be for them to come to my work!!! Especially if I worked at a bowling alley! I'd be able to do my job and watch my woman and daughter play... sounds more like heaven to me. -Kevin I agree..didn't want to rub salt in the wound, but since it's been said hahaha I would be in heaven if my husband and kid came to my work (especially one designed for fun) and watch them play. How old are you guys? Maybe he is embarrassed that he has a kid and he is so young?? Link to comment
Sandie_Cali Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 Well this is it in a nut shell, we have been off and on for 5 years, and on for almost 2 years. He has lied and cheated on me in the past and I caught him, I dumped him and had our daughter on our own, last year he wanted to try and make things work and gain my trust, but every time he brought the trust up something would happen that would make me suspicious, I would ask him about it and he would automatically get defensive or I would catch him in lies. I have for the last couple of months this strong feeling he was messing around he would get calls by unknown callers, nasty pics in his phone, coming home late, deleting text messages and talking with his friends about womens anatomys and they were egging him on to cheat. We are going through counseling to try to learn to communicate and in this therapy we agreed that I could look at his phone if I asked him. I rarely looked at his phone because I was trying to show him that I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and was trying to trust him. I never looked without his knowledge nor permission. Today we had a great evening and then he started acting funny when I asked him a question about some event that happened and he got defensive when I asked him. Well I didnt think nothing of it and let him know we were going to go bowling, my phone was on silent and when I got to the bowl he asked me where his clothes was?? that is when I was like what???? He then asked if I had read his text I said no and then in the text is where I read, if you come to the bowling alley make sure you bring my clothes we are broken up. I looked at him to see if he was serious, and he was mad as hell. I got out of the car, took my daughter out of the car seat and went into the bowling alley without telling him anything the story goes on from there.... Link to comment
Sandie_Cali Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 This is his second job, he is a security guard at a bowling alley on friday and saturday nights, I know I know.. Ha ha But we are not young, he is 29 and I am 35. Link to comment
Maroney555 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 None of that sounds good. I would NOT deal with a man who was hiding all of that stuff. It sounds like he was looking for a dumb, immature, quick way out of the relationship. This all could be a lot to handle..having a kid when he's not emotionally ready...going to counseling young which he may have gone to while he was a kid. I only see this relationship being destructive for you both. I say go separate ways and figure out the custody thing either on your own or in court. You child shouldn't have to see this. Link to comment
Sandie_Cali Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 None of that sounds good. I would NOT deal with a man who was hiding all of that stuff. It sounds like he was looking for a dumb, immature, quick way out of the relationship. This all could be a lot to handle..having a kid when he's not emotionally ready...going to counseling young which he may have gone to while he was a kid. I only see this relationship being destructive for you both. I say go separate ways and figure out the custody thing either on your own or in court. You child shouldn't have to see this. I know, it just breaks my heart when I think of my daughter... Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 This man is disgusting. He cheated on you in the past and I'm sure he has done it again. Once a cheater, always a cheater, hun. It's time to let this man go for the sake of you and your daughter. You two don't deserve this joke you call a man, I'm sorry. Link to comment
Maroney555 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 I bet, I don't have children yet, but I do have a friend that does that did have to cut ties with the father. Her son still sees him occasionally, but you will never catch mommy and daddy together for more time than what is needed. Having her be so young is actually to an advantage. I was about 5 when my parents split and hardly ever saw or see my mom. It was an easy transition. My two best friends were 15-17 when their parents split and its STILL eating away at them. Look at this as a blessing in disguise and do what's best for your daughter. You won't want her to see her father abusing you in ANY way shape or form. Link to comment
Sandie_Cali Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 I know.. I am soo hurt, I guess the crying phase is soon approaching, because we would all wake up and my daughter would want to be in bed with us and she would always make sure she hugged both of us at the same time... and she and I would say "HUG" and we would hug and then we would say "Kiss" and we would all kiss... and continue for 3 to 4 rounds.. She is going to be sooo hurt not to see him in the morning with us all together. Sniff sniff, I am bawling now.... I am so hurt..... Link to comment
Sandie_Cali Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 How can you go from one extreme to another in just a couple of hours, literally. I am hurting right now..... Link to comment
Maroney555 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Sandie, I am really sorry that you are going through this. I imagine it makes things infinitely harder having a child involved. This is a totally different kind of break up... How had the therapy sessions been going? Does he have any other stressed going on? Is he bipolar? Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Oh hun! *HUGS!* I know it hurts, I really do. Break ups are hardly ever fun. Just go and cry your heart out. Seriously, just take a pillow and scream into it, punch it, kick it. Get all that anger and pain out! Cry until you start having dry heaves instead. It might take some hours, but just do it and get it out of your system NOW! We're all here for you, babe. Link to comment
MT1981 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 usually when people break up with dodgey excuses - something else must be happening. I remember trying to make sense of what my ex was saying - just incoherent blabber really - gave up trying to make sense of it because I figured there was something else dodgye going on. I achieved my own closure, and i moved on. my advice for you is to do the same - why do you need someone like him in your life? Link to comment
Sandie_Cali Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 Sandie, I am really sorry that you are going through this. I imagine it makes things infinitely harder having a child involved. This is a totally different kind of break up... How had the therapy sessions been going? Does he have any other stressed going on? Is he bipolar? The therapy sessions were going good and based on him wanting to go made me feel that he really wanted this to work... Now as for the stresses, he has financial difficulties that is why he works so much but never has money to spit on... With my income I am paying for everything, from my apartment, utilitie bills, food, etc. and I let him borrow money... I felt that since we were a family, when he got back on his feet he could help out. But I am tired of supporting him and being strong for him. I want someone who will be equal and strong for me. I am not asking for a brut, I am asking for an equal partner.. It has been all me and I dont know how much more I have to give. I love my daughter with all of my heart and soul and know this is going to affect her... Why do some men have to be such A** h**** when they are being loved the right way. I am a good woman, I am not a liar I am not a cheat I am not stingy and take care of my man... I dont understand.. Maybe I should treat men like dogs and that way I would never get hurt nor taken advantage of again. I feel like such a fool and cant stop crying muchless sleep. You know I wonder sometimes if he is bipolar... cause he snaps fast and starts cussing and yelling at the top of his lungs when he gets defensive... He gets crazy and then all of a sudden he is sweet as pie, just so calm. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Does he have a history with drugs? I'm sorry you are going through this. It sure sounds like for the most part, you have been a single mother all along. Now is not different - it is almost like he is your second child. You need that energy for you and your child. I hope you have enough left in you to do what is in the best interests of the two of you. It sure sounds like he is up to some dodgey business. Whether that involves more cheating and lies, hell even maybe running a little drug business at the lanes, you'll find out soon enough. Trust your gut. Link to comment
Sandie_Cali Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 Does he have a history with drugs? I'm sorry you are going through this. It sure sounds like for the most part, you have been a single mother all along. Now is not different - it is almost like he is your second child. You need that energy for you and your child. I hope you have enough left in you to do what is in the best interests of the two of you. It sure sounds like he is up to some dodgey business. Whether that involves more cheating and lies, hell even maybe running a little drug business at the lanes, you'll find out soon enough. Trust your gut. Thanks, he doesnt have a history of drugs, but comes from a disfunctional family. The father is not around for the most part. I guess you could say it runs in the family right.. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Wow..this guy certainly has emotional problems. The bowling alley thing was totally irrational behaviour on his part. It sounds like he hasn't done anything to change his past cheating/lying, dishonest behaviours. I think it is time for you to walk away from this man for good. Link to comment
DN Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Perhaps he is or was cheating. But why would you go to his place of work when he told you that if you did he would break up with you? It must have been to check up on him or to provoke him because surely you wouldn't really go just because you wanted to bowl after he had said that. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Perhaps he is or was cheating. But why would you go to his place of work when he told you that if you did he would break up with you? It must have been to check up on him or to provoke him because surely you wouldn't really go just because you wanted to bowl after he had said that. Maybe she really didn't take his threat seriously & she certainly didn't think he'd react the way he did. Link to comment
Sandie_Cali Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 Perhaps he is or was cheating. But why would you go to his place of work when he told you that if you did he would break up with you? It must have been to check up on him or to provoke him because surely you wouldn't really go just because you wanted to bowl after he had said that. I had originally made plans to go but when he told me not to, that was the deal breaker. Link to comment
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