Lavender25 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Hi everyone! I need advice ASAP: My ex and I broke up about two months ago (off/on for 6.5 years) and I've been in NC for just over a month. I called a mutual friend of ours today and asked if he would like to go to a bar tonight and catch up because we hadn't seen each other in a long time (completely platonic). I like this bar because it's quieter than other bars and they have open mic nights on Tuesdays (I've done the open mic night a few times). It is a bar that my ex and I used to go to sometimes and he is a musician and has also done the open mic a few times. We even sang together once. I haven't really been checking his facebook but today I decided to and what do I see as his status? "playing open mic night tonight at the bar. come out!" What the hell? Do I cancel my plans? Do I still go? If I hadn't checked his facebook I still would have gone... I would also like some advice on an event that happened yesterday: Another mutual friend and I were at the school getting our books for fall semester. She and I got stuck in the library because of a bad storm. We were on computers next to each other (both on facebook) when the ex messages her (they talk and she had a fling with his brother back in february so I really think it's just platonic). He asked her about the weather and she told him it was pretty bad and she and I were stuck in the library. Immediately the conversation stopped and he got off of facebook. Coincidence? I think not. Why would he do that? It really hurt my feelings because he is the one that ended the relationship and I haven't done anything wrong... Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I think you should go! Don't base your plans around him, sooner or later you were bound to see him anyway. =) and I don't really have an explanation for his behaviour there.. he probably doesn't want much to do with you if you broke up? If he did sign off just because he knew you were there, well that's immature. Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 He will probably think you went there to check on him.. I would go somewhere else. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 I thought him signing off then was really out of character for him. He was the one who wanted to stay friends and every other time we've broken up there would be a period of no contact on either side and then eventually someone would give in. I wonder if he just didn't know what to say or if he didn't want to talk to me through the friend or he was scared? Guess I'll never know... but I do know that I was hurt. The mention of my name sent him running... I guess you'd have to know more about the relationship to get a good picture, but that's a REALLY long story. I guess you could search for my thread Link to comment
Ac143 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I wouldnt go, you will probably spend the whole time you are there thinking about him, if you should say hi or shouldn't say hi...why he said hi, why he didn't say hi etc etc.. If you want to go out & just have fun with your friend dont go there. Doesn't seem like you are ready to be in the same place as him and just have fun, yet. Link to comment
riley123 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Bad idea... You've only been broken up for short time, and you don't want to bring alcohol into the equation. Plus, how else would you have heard about his show if you didn't check his Facebook? It will look like you're still hung up on him. Just call your friend and pick another place. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 It's not HIS show. It's an open mic night that happens at this bar every Tuesday. The only reason I found out he was going to be there was because I relapsed and checked his facebook page and it said he was performing there tonight. Had I not checked his page, I would have shown up without any warning. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 I can see why it would be a bad idea to go, but I know that if I don't go I will just wonder the whole night what would had happened if I didn't go. Plus, we have so many mutual friends that I've had to cancel so many plans just because we were both going to be there. As of this moment I am going with two male friends and one female friend. We can always leave and go to the bar up the street if I get too uncomfortable. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 It will always be awkward when there is a relationship and history involved. Just the way it goes. If you feel you are going to have the whole awkward talk when you see him, just don't go. If it's hard to even see him just don't go. The flood gates open and all emotions go through your head despite how cool or collective you may appear. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 So I ended up going. Nothing happened. I didn't expect anything to happen. Not even a hello. I was pretty much OK with it. I hung out with friends and had a good time. There were even some cute guys there that I made eyes with and got a few free drinks. It was weird though. I've known/been with this guy for YEARS and I'm pretty sure I know EVERYTHING about him... but I looked at him from accross the room and I felt like I didn't even know who he was anymore. Is that normal? He sang some songs and everything was cool but the tears welled up when he sang an original song. It was a song he wrote the last time we broke up. It's called "Tear in the Eye of an Angel" and it's about a man taking off on runaway trains and wishing he knew where he was going and wishing that he could stay but love will always remain, etc. I wish he wouldn't have played that song but he probably just ran out of other songs to play. Not going to read into it too much. I'm going to continue with NC. I don't think going tonight hurt anything. But do you guys think there is still hope? Is there anything that can be done? Can it be salvaged? Link to comment
PinkLotus Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I believe it's okay to have hope in your heart while also moving forward. I'm glad the night didn't turn out to be too awkward for you. Keep your head up, hon. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 I think I'm doing alright even though I saw him last night. Us ignoring each other is pretty typical. Remember, this isn't the first time we've gone through a break up. But I keep thinking about how he was dressed differently. A mutual friend of mine that was also there told me that he quit smoking and also quit his lawn job so now all he does is give guitar lessons. I can't help but wonder if maybe he is going through some sort of crisis and him dumping me was part of it? And I'm still wondering if there is any chance in hell of a reconciliation at this point. Any brave ENA-ers willing to give advice? Link to comment
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