Great Sex or a relationship????

[wowwow]

Here is my issue. I met this guy online 3 months ago. From the start he came on very strong sexually. I gave in on the second meeting. We had sex a few times and it was very hot and sexy. He is a former cop and swat team so he is a bit aggressive, but its different and I like it. I kind of got ticked off that it was three dates at home of him just wanting sex. So I blew him off like four times that he wanted to meet up and then he was begging for weeks to get together saying lets go out or hang out all Saturday or Sunday. So....I gave him another shot. Now about 10 sessions later I have it bad for him!!!!

 

So he asked me over his house last Friday for a movie and he made dinner. I thought that was a good thing. He is a body builder and does not like to go out for dinner and prefers chicken etc at home. Also, he hates bars and clubs and prefers hanging at home. We had a good night that night. Also, I saw him last night and we had a great session and again today for another great session.

 

Problem = He has his 12 year old daughter until next Monday and I have my daughter as well. So I will not see him again for a week. How do I get him to move to the next level without saying it? He told me from the start he hates when women think you are in a relationship too fast and would not introduce anyone to his daughter for at least 6 months of dating, which is fine.

 

I am falling for this guy, but he may just want sex and not see more in it. Do I blow him off next week when he calls to get his attention? Do I keep seeing him and play it out? I am not going to do the mature thing and ask him about becoming exclusive as I just know he would find it a turn off.

 

HELP!!!!!

[GrottoNymph]

The fact that he doesn't want to go out in public with you is a HUGE red flag. My guess is he is sleeping with other women and doesn't want to run into any of them.

 

Seriously, I am not trying to be unkind, but this guy sounds like a loser who is not interested in a real relationship with ANYONE.

[pinkrobot]

The best way to find out if a guy is only in it for sex or if he genuinely likes you is to hold off on the sex (just temporarily...I know it's a crappy option but it'll tell you what you need to know). If you stop sleeping with him, but continue to express interest in seeing him, and he doesn't bail, then he's probably interested in building an actual relationship with you.

[Mellie]

Thinking longterm, will you be happy not going out and only seeing him at home? Clubs and bars I could live without, but I love going out for meals and the whole dating thing. I know this is majorly old fashioned, but isn't he supposed to do that stuff to 'woo' you before proceeding to the perks? If you're happy with it that's fine, but I'd miss going out together.

[JusticeLaw9]

I get the hint that it's just great sex, so if I were you I'd try to be careful with just how close I got in on things. If there's something more that you want, perhaps it'll be a great idea to communicate to him. Get a feel for what it is that he's looking for too; ask him.

[metwo]

i don't think you should start anything playing games like that... not answering to get his attention? maybe you should just be upfront with him like he is with you... he obviously cares about his daughter... and i don't see that as a bad thing.. he wants to at least make sure that his relationship is worth something to bring home.. as far as what your relationship is.. there is no harm in defining what the two of you have... its perfectly normal in my opinion.. to be like... so.. what exactly is our relationship to each other right now? or whatever you want to say... and also.. if he wants to actually start dating you, then you guys are going to have to go out to a restaurant and a movie or something at least.. cause otherwise.. theres a problem.. the whole not wanting to go out thing wanting to stay home.. was probably just his way to keep you in his house so that you can't say no you don't want to go back to his place...

[wowwow]

This is the first time in my life I have ever had this issue and I am 44 and he is 41. The guy was married 14 years and has been diviorced about a year and a half ago. He dated a girl for 6 months but she dumped him for whatever reason. He is all about the sex thing from the start and seems to be unhappy if sees me on facebook with other men or out and about in pictures with men around. He even commented about where my daughter was when I was out one night.

 

It's just so weird! I am thinking I will act like I have plans the next few time he calls and then just come out and say the sex is great, but the casual dating thing has gotten old. A game....yes....but, to some degree he is playing some type of game with me by not actually taking me out.

 

Make sense?

[princess81]

I so agree with everyone else seriously something aint right that whole he is a body builder and likes chicken girl there are so many healthy options in restaurants and hey you dont just gotta go clubbin or the bar scene what ever happened to movies bowling etc... anyhow yeah you should so ask him were you guys stand your in your 40's you dont got time for games good luck.

[wowwow]

Agreed! I am not seeing him again unless its out on a date. If it's not one thing it's another! LOL

[Bluebellestar]

I dont know if its a good idea to play games. I cant work out either if he's up for a relationship or not, but here's an idea. After Monday, (when I take it he'll no longer have his daughter) agree to see him but tell him u have a surprise for him and need him to meet you somewhere. See how he reacts, if he agrees then thats great cos u know he'll see you in public. Then take him to the cinema or wherever you fancy going, as the "surprise". But...if he rejects the idea and only wants you to come round his house.....well at least you'll know either way. Good luck.

[wowwow]

Everything I have read says that when a man thinks a woman is really hooked the woman should disappear. Supposedly, it totally freaks them out because they thought they really had you. Men like a challenge and I have been anything but that lately. I am doing other things until the day he asks me out on a real date. If that date never comes so be it. Great sex is cool, but I am no hollaback girl. If I have respect for myself he will have more for me. I answered my own question. LOL

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't see that he is playing any games with you...he is in it for sex and since you agreed to having all this hot sex with him on a casual basis then he thinks both of you are on the same wavelength and that you are also just in it for sex. He is concerned about other people because he enjoys having hot sex with you and would rather you give him the sex rather than anyone else. Doesn't mean he is interested in you or that he is playing games with you. If you want something more than you are going to have to ask him about it..if you are afraid of turning him off then you already know the answer..that he is just in it for sex. Playing games with him by pretending to be busy or not taking calls will probably backfire on you....people who play games usually end up doing more harm than good to their cause..with games comes dishonesty, distrust, resentment, anxiety and lots of other negative outcomes which ultimately create a dysfunctional, anxiety-provoking relationship..which will ultimately kill the hot sex anyway.

[wowwow]

I must say you make PERFECT sense. I still think he will get the hint when I am suddenly not so available and it will give me an opportunity to bring up the topic without looking so needy. The sex was honestly over the top and I know he feels that way as well. It was fun, but I need more for satifaction and men get the hint when you pull away. Pull - push theory. If he does not get it I will explain it to him at that time.

[arcadefire]

Sex isn't the only thing in a relationship. I mean, sure, it's great for the first few months but then you're gonna desire more boyfriend type material from him. If he isn't giving it to you, then it's obvious that he's only looking for one thing from you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I must say you make PERFECT sense. I still think he will get the hint when I am suddenly not so available and it will give me an opportunity to bring up the topic without looking so needy. The sex was honestly over the top and I know he feels that way as well. It was fun, but I need more for satifaction and men get the hint when you pull away. Pull - push theory. If he does not get it I will explain it to him at that time.

 

Problem is that the push-pull strategy has been used so often that people already know the game...so your strategy will just be so plainly obvious to him, especially once you talk about a relationship AFTER you have done the pulling away bit...he will probably roll his eyes and say to himself "oh, so she pulled away so I could be gagging for more so that she can then blackmail me with relationship talk". If a person wants to be in a relationship with you then there is no need for push pull games..a frank talk is all that would be necessary. Also, having a partner who only wants you when you pull back is not the kind of partner who is relationship material because the other person will always have to be on their guard to never show too much emotion or caring or else the partner will lose interest. Loving, healthy relationships happen when both partners are comfortable showing interest and caring...dysfunctional relationships are those centred around push-pull and fear of losing their partner if they show that they care.