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IMPORTANT...need help!! If someone says they need a few days to think...and calls u after one day!!

CocoButter

By CocoButter
in Dating Advice

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CocoButter Explorer

CocoButter

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Okay quick background...dating guy two months...he starts to pull away and when i meet him yest he says he wanted to take things slow and felt things were going to fast. Then he says he feels doubt bc I reacted in a bad way telling him i wanted to end it.

 

He said he needed a few days to think and before we parted ways...he said it was good to see me and talk about things and lets meet later in the week. This happened Yesterday.

 

Today he calls and asks me about my day at work and what im up to and tells me what he is up to. Then he says lets meet up tomo.....

 

Does that mean he is going to dump me?? He siad he needed a few days to think and all a sudden he wants to meet tomo

 

I hate this feeling...i liked when he was treating me like a princess.......

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CoCo2009 Rising Star

CoCo2009

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No one knows what it means, I would go and talk to him tomorrow and if he is telling you then that he needs space I would end it, and tell him to call me when he knew what he wanted. You don't have time for all this drama, its only been 2 months. You deserve to be happy.

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CocoButter Explorer

CocoButter

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well it was two months of intensity...he would call, text or email..basically in touch w me at least 3 times a day and we saw eachother 3-4 times a week...he initiated everything...so it was all him pushing...of course i said i was busy sometimes.

 

he invited me back to italy...his home country and i met all of his family....so kind of intense for just two months...after the trip is when he pulled back...i figure he either freaked out or lost interest??

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CocoButter Explorer

CocoButter

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im not too hung up on this guy...at least i can think about kissing other guy...there is this other guy i would totally love to kiss...however he is a NO GO...bc he is player player...one of my friends...which is how i know he is a player player and he would never go for me...bc im the younger sister of his best friends wife....so its a no go on his part unless he was serious..and he not bc right now he player...dating all these girls...

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penelope13 Rising Star

penelope13

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I am not sure why you would be calling this a 'bad start'. But having dated an italian, this is my perspective:

 

he obviously likes you a lot and was interested so much in you that he wanted you to meet his family.

 

meeting someones family is in itself a big enough thing/ indication of a serious interest. However with the added circumstances of his culture and the fact that they live so far away it can mean even more.

 

Having experienced living in a different culture myself, I understand how easy it is to be swept up/ involved in the culture where you reside and getting used to that particular way of thinking; i.e. your guy was happy to date you and excited enough to want to introduce you to his family.

 

however having spent time in his country (and I assume you had a great time), he was all of a sudden confronted in a major way with the culture/ interpretation/ expectation of his original country. it's a big thing in italy to introduce someone to your family. so all of a sudden he might have been scared if he is ready to be at that point in a relationship where in italy it would be the right time to introduce your partner to your family. thus when he returned from europe was when he was most confused about those differences. it's a normal thing.

 

nearly everyone that I know who is from europe always has some adjusting/ confusing days when returning from a visit. it's usually a period when you are confronted with the differences the most and when you usually go through a phase of questioning which of both options is the right one for you.

 

but this time of confusion usually dissipates rather quickly.

 

when you are dating someone from a different background (not that you shouldn't be doing it in all circumstances) you have to try to remind yourself that your value system and his might be different and that things that are 'normal' to you, might not be as normal to them, but that it may be a more conscious decision for them to make.

 

this is not about which culture/ background is better, but just a statement that there are differences and that for the person having decided to move to somewhere else, everything that is an automatism for you, since you grew up here, is not as automatic and requires more active energy input.

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CocoButter Explorer

CocoButter

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Hey everyone...just to update u...the second I saw him...I knew he still wanted to be w me. We talked about things and he said that he wants to be w me and missed me etc...I guess he realized after we met on sunday and parted ways...he said he needed a few days to think but he realized right away...I hope he means it...

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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Hey everyone...just to update u...the second I saw him...I knew he still wanted to be w me. We talked about things and he said that he wants to be w me and missed me etc...I guess he realized after we met on sunday and parted ways...he said he needed a few days to think but he realized right away...I hope he means it...

 

i think that the time apart was a good thing. maybe next time he starts to act like that, you'll know a few days off is what he needs.

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