dating ups and downs

[hennalove]

hi everyone

 

I've been dating a man I really like since July. When we first met through friends he asked me out and for the first two dates I let him take the lead. He seemed quite affectionate / expressive during these dates and it was a very exciting time (all we did was kiss and cuddle, nothing more, but it seemed like quite a deep connection).

Then I went abroad on holiday for 2 weeks and we hardly had any contact: I texted him while I was there ending the message with some kisses and I didn't get any back, although I did get a friendly sounding message. Upon my return I got in touch with him again and he asked me out to dinner. Then he postponed as he said he had a cold.

I didn't hear from him for nearly a week, so I thought he was really sick. He wasn't: he later got in touch to say he'd had friends over visiting him so he wasn't available. I've since been out with him as part of a wider group of friends (on a weekend social event that was prearranged) and although we had some fun together, he was a bit more distant with me than I'd have liked.

Having said this, though, I caught him looking at me a few times and he often drifted towards me throughout the weekend. He leant over to kiss me goodnight on the mouth during this weekend and although I wanted to, I wasn't expecting it so I pulled away a little bit and I really regret doing this now. I was confused about how he felt about me and had convinced myself that he wasn't into me but now I see it wasn't necessarily the case.

He's quite shy and serious, but when he's relaxed he's very natural and makes me feel amazing.

We got back from the weekend away just yesterday and this morning I sent him a text message saying I really enjoyed spending some time with him, and would he let me cook dinner for him one night soon?

He hasn't responded yet and I am now really worried that I've gone too far and he might find this too forward of me. All I want to do is spend some quality time with him alone, and I hope he knows I'm not the type of girl to invite him to my home just to get him into bed, because I'm not. I want to cuddle up to him just as we did on the first date and just talk (which we did in a nice pub - however I don't necessarily want to spend my whole time in pubs with him, and I want him to see me "in situ").

Maybe I should have let him make the next move?

this is pretty agonizing right now...

any advice appreciated

thank you

[ghost69]

why didn't you call? i've had girls tell me weeks later they texted me and blew me off because i never responded. guess what? i didn't get the text.

[tattoobunnie]

Cooking a person dinner in your home doesn't exactly shout out as loose. It sounds really sweet. I would just give him a call. There are times I can see a text, get swamped with some work, and totally forget about it for a while...then eventually get back to it.

 

And it's also only been this morning you sent the text...I think you just need to relax.

[strategos]

Maybe he's busy. It happens. You sent him a text this morning. If he doesn't send you a text by a couple of days, then you should be worried.

 

Remember, you two are not attached yet so it would be bit too soon for him to account for every moment he's not with you.

[Evalia82]

I don't have anything all that helpful to say, other than lots of empathy as it sounds quite similar to the situation I am in and agonising over!

 

It's weird isn't it, you spend 95% of the time feeling down about it and worrying, but the 5% of the time when something good seems to be happening just makes up for it! Ups and downs indeed.

 

I don't think offering to cook was too forward. As someone else has said, it's sweet.

 

I hate the waiting for a text thing. It's really not great for the ego. A couple of my friends have told me to just try and remember that everyone is different and communicates differently. I know that getting a text from him seems like a massive deal to me, and I put a lot of thought into replying, so it's hard to accept that if he doesn't react to my texts in the same way it doesn't mean that he's not interested, but maybe he just doesn't work like that.

 

So yeah, I know this isn't very helpful of me, but I just wanted to say you're really not alone feeling like this at the moment, and although I wish you didn't have to be feeling stressed over it, it's kind of made me feel better to read what you wrote.

 

Good luck - remember to let us know what happens!!

[hennalove]

hi everyone

 

thanks for all your advice! it made me feel better in my time of need

 

just when I was going to give up on him today and call him this evening he responded to say yes, he'd like to come and could we do Sunday?

 

I am going to write back tomorrow and say that Sunday is good, better for me actually as I am going out on Saturday eve (true); my only quandry now is should I invite him over for "Sunday dinner" ie 2pm (with time then to do something in the afternoon, such as go for a walk if it's nice) or ask him to come over in the evening?

Or should I give him the option of the two and leave it to him?

thx henna

[strategos]

hi everyone

 

thanks for all your advice! it made me feel better in my time of need

 

just when I was going to give up on him today and call him this evening he responded to say yes, he'd like to come and could we do Sunday?

 

I am going to write back tomorrow and say that Sunday is good, better for me actually as I am going out on Saturday eve (true); my only quandry now is should I invite him over for "Sunday dinner" ie 2pm (with time then to do something in the afternoon, such as go for a walk if it's nice) or ask him to come over in the evening?

Or should I give him the option of the two and leave it to him?

thx henna

 

I know it may be late but I'd say go with the Sunday option. If you like each others company you find things to do. Spontaneous dates can be the best ones.

 

Which one did you decide on? I hope everything went well.

[tattoobunnie]

Call him up to coordinate. He may have some ideas up his own sleeve.

 

It's hard to gage with text & email