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I should probably call her....


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I met a girl online, and we went for drinks the other night. It was a nice evening, and we spent 3 hours talking - sharing stories and learning a lot about each other. we both learned that we have a whole lot in common.


The date went well - as I sat there watching her twirling her hair, and obsessively applying lip gloss over and over. Was she nervous? Was it just something she does? Who knows.


Anyway - I want to see her again, but I'm hesitating calling her again. The reason is that I never got any indication from her that she wanted to see each other again. As I dropped lines, like after I paid our bill and she offered to pay half - i said "That's okay, I've got this - if we do drinks again we'll go dutch next time". I was kind of hoping for a "that's a deal" or "sounds good" - but I heard nothing.


The reason I'm not planning on calling her is that she was honest with me, in that I"m basically 1 of about 50 guys she has met online in the past few months. I teased her, said "They have names for women like you" - she had a good laugh, knew i was kidding around.


The thing is that because she's been meeting so many guys, and I know that just last weekend she ended things with a guy she is still very much attached to - i think it's best for me to stay clear. If I'm someone she liked, then she will make the effort to text me or call me again - but otherwise, I move on and leave things be. I'm only doing this because of the circumstances - with her just ending things with someone, plus serial dating (even though after I told her I'm not looking to date a bunch of women - she said she wasn't out to date all sorts of men either, that's not her - she wants a relationships).....I still think I should leave this ball in her court....


That's my thought anyway - you?

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As a woman I have been told on this site time and time again NOT to contact the guy after the first meeting, even if I like him very much. The reason being that the guy should make the first / next move. Hence I have stopped myself from doing so, even in cases where I think the guy is perfect. That means that if someone doesnt bother to get back in touch with me after the first date/meeting, I assume he's not into me.


I would therefore suggest you go out on a limb and ask her out again if you're interested in her. Sure it leaves you open for rejection... but it's better than sitting waiting and never knowing what could have been.


That said 50 dates?!! That is heaps.. is this girl looking for the unattainable? And if she is attached to someone she only broke up with a week ago that might also play a part. However if she is seriously interested in you, she'll want to meet you a few more times before she makes a decision.. and if not, well at least you know and can move on to the next.


Oh and re: your comment about paying. I know what you're getting at... but I personally wouldn't respond to that either. I mean it's almost expected the guy pay on the first date or two even... and whilst I am the type of girl who will always offer and then say "I'll get it next time.", many girls aren't like this and have the stereoptypical expectations regarding paying.



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If you really like her you should call her, from what you write I can't tell if you expressed any interest either. It's not nice she told you about the guy she was attached to.. but nevertheless if I went out on a date with a guy and he didn't call again I would assume he's not interested..

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Thanks for the reply, Ammy - and that whole who should contact who thing - I just don't know.


Given her current situation - and given the fact that I picked up our tab that night - I would think that if she was interested, at the very least she would make contact just to say "thanks again, I had a good time" if she was interested.


I'm also hesitating contacting her because what would I be getting myself into? Sure, we might see each other again - but she's too involved still, it can't go anywhere. I would want to get to know her better, as friends first perhaps....but otherwise, I just don't think she's someone I SHOULD be getting involved with.


Ahh dating - why can't it be simple and straight forward.

Hey, question for you - do you play with your hair when you're on a date? Do you notice?

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I'd normally say you should give her a call, but that she's gone through that many people in such a short time means that she's looking for something really really specific, and if she didn't clue you in that it was you she was looking for then you're probably better off not wasing your time.

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Kinda exactly how I'm feeling, Sn0man....any other time, yes - should make the first move...but this time....I'm 1 of 50+ guys, and there's a guy she's still emtionally connected to....time to move on. If I stood out in any way - she would make first contact.

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Again, part of the weirdness of it all. She met this guy a while ago, they started dating - but after a short while he was honest with her about him having another girl he was seeing. He wanted to keep seeing her, but wanted an open relationship. So this went on for a while...but then she realized that she just can't do that, because he's going and sleeping with other women...and then her....and she would be going on these dates with guys, but isn't going to sleep with them or anything because that's not her....


It's ALL THIS STUFF that painted that big picture for me, telling me that even though I do like her - and I think we did connect...that I shouldn't be pursuing this any further. If I meant something to her, she'll make an effort. I've seen women do that before - if they like a guy enough, they will at least try.

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Normally I would say that she isnt going to call you, because women usually don't. But this time I dont think she is going to call because she has other dates set up. And besides if she was interested she would have said 'thats a deal' and made an effort.


I wouldnt tell a guy I was on a date with that I had dated 50 guys, I wouldnt take the risk of blowing something good.She sounds like she was telling you everything she is up to because you were a random stranger that probably wouldnt ever see again.


The lip gloss thing.. she was maintaining her 'look' for other guys who might come in and see her for the first time. When women fancy the guy infront of them, they do that in the restroom.

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Hockeyfan in answer to your question:


I do play with my hair A LOT, but both in dates and normally - I'm obsessed with my hair... LOL... but more so on dates yes. I noticed on my last date that I did it a lot... and rthen realised my motivations - I wanted HIM to play with my hair... But twirling my hair through my fingers is generally a sign of nerves and flirting for me...


As for this girl, it's up to you, if you feel something for her - then go for it - I always think its better to try and get rejected than to not try and be left wondering... That is my philosophy anyway!



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Thanks, Ammy -

Ya - I'm going to leave well enough alone in this situation. Giving it more thought, even if I did pursue her and got a 2nd date - what then? I'm still competing against all this mass dating AS WELL as the fact that she's waiting by the phone for a call from the guy she just broke up with.


Time to move on....

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