Need a little advice

[getting_on_ok]

My ex broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. I heard from a friend that knows the guy that hooked us up that my ex has been asking about me and misses me and she really loves me. She asked the guy that hooked us up if she should call me. The guy said he couldn't tell her to call or not, but it was her call. It made me feel pretty good, but now I am sort of feeling down because I haven't received a call yet. I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up. I just need some advice on this. Should I take the lead and call her or maybe send her a letter?

[DN]

Yes, call her. Tell her what this mutual friend said and ask her if it is true. But be prepared for her to deny it or to claim she didn't really mean it.

[HeartGoesOn]

If she really loves and misses you, she'll have no problem getting in touch with you. She's the one that dumped you, you can't force this, it's her call.

[Casey13]

Absolutely not. Do not call for the time being and let her call you. Chances are that the longer she doesn't hear from you the more she will miss you and eventually she'll pick up that phone and call. She's the one that broke up with you so it should be up to her to initiate and rectify the relationship if she wants back in. I'm sure she's smart enough to realize that. By telling her that you know what she said and this and that you are only giving off the impression that you're still trying to stick your nose into her business and this may push her away.

[getting_on_ok]

But should I wait to see if she calls me. Remember she dumped me. She told me she need space and I gave it too her. I didnt plead or beg, I just went no contact.

[Tanzi]

If I were you, I would call (or at least text) her just to ask if she is OK. That way you are opening up means of communication. Maybe she hasn't plucked up the courage to call you yet but as DN said be prepared for denial. If you can handle that, then go ahead.

[getting_on_ok]

Absolutely not. Do not call for the time being and let her call you. Chances are that the longer she doesn't hear from you the more she will miss you and eventually she'll pick up that phone and call. She's the one that broke up with you so it should be up to her to initiate and rectify the relationship if she wants back in. I'm sure she's smart enough to realize that. By telling her that you know what she said and this and that you are only giving off the impression that you're still trying to stick your nose into her business and this may push her away.

 

I think this is solid advice. I miss her a lot I just dont want to be hurt anymore. And I always said if a person really loves you then they will come back into your life to be with you.

[getting_on_ok]

I am sort of weary about calling. The only thing is I think the more I dont call her the more she has an opportunity to be with someone else. If she feels anything like me then there is no way she could be with a person in a healthy way.

[Dubb]

I would leave it be. She didn't call you. Words mean nothing if there are no actions behind them. All we know is she didn't call.

[getting_on_ok]

I would leave it be. She didn't call you. Words mean nothing if there are no actions behind them. All we know is she didn't call.

 

Dam straight!! It sort of bums me out. But what can you do.

[Dubb]

Keep going man. If she misses you she may eventually call. I would not wait on it tho.

[Casey13]

But should I wait to see if she calls me. Remember she dumped me. She told me she need space and I gave it too her. I didnt plead or beg, I just went no contact.

 

Yes! you shoudl wait to see if she calls. Remember she's the one that asked you for space so it's her responsibility to get a hold of you if she wants you back. If you quit your job and then you realize you made a mistake. Do you think it would be wise for you to be calling to get it back? Surely your employer wont be chasing you around to see if you chaged your mind. And if he did, then you can smell "desparate" from accross the room, and trust me it's not the smell you want to carry with you. Give her some more time. Chances of this working out in the long term are much greater if you allow her to call. Any attempt you make to win her back may work for you in the short term but it may fall apart again later.

[getting_on_ok]

Casey your totally right, man the only problem is now my hopes are up and I was doing pretty good. Still having trouble sleeping, but hopefully that will change some time soon because I am exhausted.

[DN]

Dumpers are sometimes too scared of rejection to make an open overture and will use other means of trying to contact. She will assume your friend passed on her words and will assume you are not interested if there is no response.

 

It is worth a call to find out the truth.

[Tanzi]

Dumpers are sometimes too scared of rejection to make an open overture and will use other means of trying to contact. She will assume your friend passed on her words and will assume you are not interested if there is no response.

 

It is worth a call to find out the truth.

 

I must admit I did think that maybe by talking through your friend she was trying to open up a means of communciation, being too scared to make the initial move herself.

 

Either that or she was fishing to see if calling you would be a good or bad idea and she never really got an answer.

 

I have to admit tho ... its a tough one

[getting_on_ok]

I must admit I did think that maybe by talking through your friend she was trying to open up a means of communciation, being too scared to make the initial move herself.

 

Either that or she was fishing to see if calling you would be a good or bad idea and she never really got an answer.

 

I have to admit tho ... its a tough one

 

Your telling me, but she rejected me in the first place.

[DN]

I don't think it is wise to get into "she rejected me" therefore she must do this or that. Look at what you want in the big picture and do what may get it for you.

 

Be prepared for disappointment if you do contact her. But asking her if she meant it is not the same as asking her to get back with you. It is just giving her an opportunity to ask you.

[getting_on_ok]

I am really confused about the situation. I don't think was treated all that good during the relationship

[Tanzi]

I am really confused about the situation. I don't think was treated all that good during the relationship

 

Well that puts a different perspective on things. Going back is one thing but going back to something that wasn't very good ......?

[getting_on_ok]

I guess you can say she was emotionally cheating on me, she would confine in men about our problems a whole gym pretty much. And she would stare at other men even after I told her it hurt me. Now I went about resolving it the wrong way, but I'm thinking that maybe it's time for me to stay still.

[DN]

In that case - stay away and look for someone who will treat you as you wish to be treated.