Why would this make me feel bad

[g84]

I haven't had sex yet, and i've never really imagined myself waiting until marriage. I think i might have considered it before, but i always thought that waiting for someone that i love and trust would be the most important for me at this point. I have respect for people who wait until marriage, though. I know that my parents waited, but I've never had anything really imposed on me; i don't think i am feeling any pressure to do what my parents and grandparents did. I am sure that they would feel glad if i waited though.

My problem is that whenever some guys say "No way, i'd never wait until marriage'', i find myself feeling down. It makes me feel really broken inside, but i can't explain it. I don't think that deep down i want to wait until marriage?...

But, it seems that -even if a small part of me wanted to wait until then, it feels futile now.

I don't know..it affects me very strongly; i'd like to understand why : (

I'm sorry if this made no sense at all..

this is how twisted i feel...

Last night i thought to myself that life might be easier if i give up on love, on hoping to meet someone..then i won't have to deal with any of this.

 

small edit: i wanted to mention that no one has said it to me directly though; it's just when i hear guys saying this in general, whether it's on here or out there..it has this effect on me.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You're putting too much value of yourself in sex.

 

When guys say that they "wouldn't wait for marriage", you are taking it as "you aren't good enough to wait for".

[mr.mac]

Last night i thought to myself that life might be easier if i give up on love, on hoping to meet someone..then i won't have to deal with any of this.

 

Why do you think life would be easier?

[happyfrank]

I wanted to wait until Marriage too but I failed. The girl took my virginity because she made me feel guilty because she wanted to take my virginity and what not. I recommend not telling anybody that your a virgin. It's nobody business but your own. The right guy will wait for you and love you.

[g84]

You wanna be a virgin when you're married, that's great. You are in a minority. Your job is to find others in that minority and date them.

 

The thing is, i don't think i want to wait until marriage. That's why i feel so torn inside, though. Even though i don't see myself waiting until marriage, the thought of a guy saying that he'd never wait - and saying it like it's the most terrible thing..

it makes me feel so bad inside.

[VerdeShimmer]

When guys say that they "wouldn't wait for marriage", you are taking it as "you aren't good enough to wait for".

 

Yes this. I doubt that is what the guy is saying. But if you are a match to someone and both parties know that then I don't think that a guy would mind waiting.

[hexaemeron]

Can I ask an honest question, OP? Why does it matter what people you don't even know think? Do you personally believe you're worth waiting for... or are you looking for external validation to prove to yourself that you're worth waiting for?

 

No white knight in shining armor can solve your self-confidence issues. Only you can. If you were more comfortable with yourself, I really don't think this would bother you.

 

You're looking at a symptom of a much deeper issue, imho. I hope this helps.

[Qut81]

I think the fact that your 25 and a virgin is incredible. I wish I waited bc everytime I have sex with someone I feel they took a part of me I cant get back. No matter what anyone says, sex is important and does involve emotional/mental attachment.

I think your on the cusp and thats why you feel that way. On one hand, you dont really want to wait but the idea sounds good to you. If I am wrong, pls correct me. Then you hear guys talk about how they would never wait until marriage, and it makes you feel like your different for being a virgin at your age. Maybe shameful? Or maybe you like ur not good enough for these men?

 

Whatever the reason, you are doing a great thing. So many ppl think sex is irrelevant, means nothing, and those are the ones that say "your putting too much stock in sex". However, they have lost the idea of how special sex is bc its no longer new to them. I honestly think its really sad the way our society has become.

I dont know if this applies but I was sitting down with my friends bf's daughter, shes 10. She was asking me if I had any kids. I said no. She asked why and I said its bc I want to wait until marriage. She says "Why?" I realized at that point our society has lost our sense of morals and family structure. When I find someone like you, its refreshing.

 

Do whats best for YOU.

[g84]

thanku all for your replies, i appreciate it a lot

 

 

 

I think your on the cusp and thats why you feel that way. On one hand, you dont really want to wait but the idea sounds good to you. If I am wrong, pls correct me. Then you hear guys talk about how they would never wait until marriage, and it makes you feel like your different for being a virgin at your age. Maybe shameful? Or maybe you like ur not good enough for these men?

 

I think maybe i feel that i am on the cusp as you said;

while i never really saw myself waiting for marriage, i think a little part of me does like that idea. I kind of feel like i have to cut off this part of me that likes that idea of waiting..because otherwise i'm going to be stepped on. I know that sounds unhealthy to think this way..

[DropToZero]

The thing is, i don't think i want to wait until marriage. That's why i feel so torn inside, though. Even though i don't see myself waiting until marriage, the thought of a guy saying that he'd never wait - and saying it like it's the most terrible thing..

it makes me feel so bad inside.

 

There are guys who will wait... and those are the ones you want, don't base your opinions of all guys off the ones who you aren't dating--but say they'd never wait. Even if you meet a guy who's had sex before, if he truly loves you...he will wait.

 

I'm waiting til marriage now... and I'd take back every sexual partner I had before my fiance if I could, they were a waste of time and virginity.

[pianoguy]

The whole thing seems like an rather abstract discussion if you aren't dating anybody. Have you had a boyfriend before? Once you start dating somebody you can have this discussion with him and go from there. Just remember- your body, your rules. If you don't want to have sex, you don't have to, if you want to, go for it. A good guy will respect your decision on this matter.

[Dancergirl425]

I started to have sex with an ex once to lose my virginity because I was tired of being an outcast in college. We ended up not going through with it and afterwards he made out with one of our coworkers. I was devastated because although I knew I was using him I felt crappy that he was using me too. After that I vowed to wait until I was in a relationship and could trust the person not to run away afterwards.

 

I know how you feel. I'm feeling like no guy is going to want to wait a few months for me to feel comfortable in the relationship. The last guy I dated said he'd wait. Then after a month of dating I suggested going for it. He said we should wait longer...which i thought he was a nice guy for that, but he dumped me shortly after. Again I felt devastated that I put myself out there and got crushed again. A month later (still broken up) he asked me to have sex and I laughed in his face.

 

It sucks having so many guys only want you for your body and not for a relationship as well. I think at 20 that's understandable because guys aren't very mature, but at 25 and up I think guys are more for settling down so I don't really understand why some can't wait. However, there are guy virgins out there that are in their 20's or just really shy guys. I think we need to start hitting on them because they will most likely be the guys that are ok with waiting for a little.

[g84]

Why do you think life would be easier?

 

because i thought - i could stop worrying about all of this. I'm always fighting these worries in the back of my mind...i'm tired It just makes me want to give up on everything..

a part of me always wonders how i am supposed to feel for being less experienced than others in the first place..i don't ever want to feel guilty for it, but yet..

i'm all mixed up, to be honest.

[mr.mac]

because i thought - i could stop worrying about all of this. I'm always fighting these worries in the back of my mind...i'm tired It just makes me want to give up on everything..

a part of me always wonders how i am supposed to feel for being less experienced than others in the first place..i don't ever want to feel guilty for it, but yet..

i'm all mixed up, to be honest.

 

I don't think you should feel bad for being inexperienced, it's part of your journey. Everyone starts out as being inexperienced and experience doesn't equal good sex or a great relationship. It just means you had sex. Big deal. Having sex just to have sex isn't a great idea when you are confused about what exactly you are looking for.

 

Do you feel like you are worth waiting for?

[cat_lady]

But is it really that unreasonable of a statement to make?

 

I don't believe that most guys who weren't raised in a family that valued abstinence would naturally want to wait until marriage when they weren't taught that its important. It doesn't mean that they don't value sex or don't want intimate or LT relationships - it just means that they find it pointless to date someone for a number of years but have a piece of paper dictate to them when its okay to have sex.

 

Why do you want to feel bad for someone having a different background as you?

[g84]

^I'm not really saying anyone's being unreasonable though..

i'm feeling very confused by all of this;

I was trying to understand why it affects me this way.