staying positive in these times? is it false hope?

[EmptySoul]

Don't know if anyone will reply, might end up just being a rant..

 

I make about 8.25 an hour, my fiance makes minumum wage or a little more. i work 40 hours a week, he works about 30.

 

all my hopes and plans are based on him being able to find a better job if he passed his ged. i want to be able to work part time shortly after getting pregnant and having a baby. right now i work days and my fiance works nights so we usually only see each other 4 or 5 hours a day on a good day. sometimes only about an hour or 2..i do not want to have a baby just to never see my fiance or my baby. and just be at work all the time. i can't do it.

 

for the sake of my happiness, our relationship, and my desire to start a family, i need him to find a higher paying day job. but there are no jobs right now. factories were laying off workers, cutting days...if there is nothing we can do...what is there to look forward to? what of our plans?

 

we have been at these jobs, at our relationship, almost 2 years. he's been stuck at kfc for that long. i do not want to continue seeing the man a love a couple hours a day! i will not have a child to do the same thing!

 

i am so tired of hoping and praying. the only way i make it is our hopes and dreams and when you wait so long and it just gets worse, you start to wonder...

 

e.

[Difficult]

First of all once he gets his GED he will be in a better place, keep plugging along and things will work out.

 

If you are not pregnant and only thinking of becoming pregnant: DO NOT HAVE A BABY. The situation you described is no situation to raise a baby. You ARE young enough that you can wait. The chances of having a middle class lifestyle once a child is involved decrease exponentially.

[WomanWriter]

I know what you mean, but I'm nearly ten years older than you are and my fiance left me six months ago.

 

Sometimes I guess we have to make the best of the situation we're in regardless of the circumstances. Maybe that's what life is all about.

 

But, like you, I'm frustrated that I can't live my dreams! My biological clock is ticking and my partner is gone. That's a problem. Also, the job I trained for (teacher) is really bad right now where I live so I am having to look for tutoring jobs. I just got one that is only offering me 3 hours of work a week! Not enough!

 

I never imagined I'd be on Unemployment, living with my mom at 28 years old, and single after 7 years with the same man. Just last year I was a teacher, a wife-to-be and looking to start my own family. Ha!

 

The only thing I'm looking forward to now is beginning a writing program at a prestigious university. I love learning and am excited about undertaking this opportunity to improve my writing and become a potentially published author. It is a life-long dream of mine come true.

 

So what I can advise you to do is to have multiple dreams. I know what you mean about working---the idea of working all day at a crappy job without seeing your husband or kids sounds horrible to me. But right now, there is nothing you can do. You have time to wait. You're so young that you have many childbearing years left!

 

But I understand that you're not doing what you want right now and it sucks. Can you find another source of joy? A hobby you can do at home--like drawing, scrapbooking, etc? I know it's not the same as your big dream, but sometimes you can't always do what you want, even though we grow up thinking the sky is the limit

[Xetra Dax]

Well i tried to do something simular and the life lesson that i've learned from it is that you can't let others live your life for you, the reality is that you are just trying to let your guy do the dirty work for you just so you can be lazy, you took a baby just so that you don't have to work anymore. Nice try but life doesn't work that way. Because if for all the times that you prayed you would actually have sticked out your hands to change the situation, you would have gotton a lot more work done and things accomplished in your life. What do you think will happen? The moment you get a baby you will have another mouth to feed , meaning financially your situation will only deteriorate even more.

 

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHO YOU ARE! Learn to stand on your own legs , Don't blame your parents. Don't pray to god, i even have tried the same but reality is that you won't get a nice life by doing that. If you want to change who you are, do it yourself. Blaming your genes or your invisible friend and continuing to live the lifestyle you hate will get you nowhere. Accept that you dug the hole you are in, now you've gotta pull yourself out of it if that is indeed what you want to do.

 

Every person has a 'market position' , if your position is bad then the only way to get things done is to improve your position in the market by either studying to get a better job, or switching the jobs you already have. At 19 you should be full of energy, but you prefer to put the burden of your life onto your husband, i personally would take an abortion go back to school, and get back to work, improve and secure my future first, and only then if my future is secure i would become pregnant so that i could give my child a decent future. So my advice is to take responsibility for your own future, and start becoming realistic in the understanding that a nice life just doesn't come falling out of the sky no matter how much you pray for it. This because you have to EARN what you RECEIVE in life. Not your husband but YOU!

[now_better]

i'm not sure what you expect to change in life just by wishing for it. first off, i think you guys are way too young to get married and have kids. i've always thought the responsible thing to do in life was to a) get educated and make yourself marketable, b) establish yourself financially before you start to have a family. to do it the other way around is EXTREMELY difficult if you don't have financial support from other people.

 

if you don't like where you are in life, you are ultimately the one responsible for making any change in it. if you guys don't like where you are in life and don't like your jobs, why not get a better job? if you're not qualified to get the better job, why not get the certification and skills to get those jobs (nurse, police officer, firemen are all jobs that take relatively little training and can make very good wages). i think the best thing to do is to form a course of action and not to wallow in self-pity because i've done that and really, it doesn't take you very far.

[Bartok]

Sometimes life throws us a curveball. My family recently got hit with one (parent's divorce, which even at my age, really, really sucks), but you just have to adapt and keep on truckin'. Adapting means changing things as you need to - ultimately, hoping and praying will make you feel better, but won't do you any good. I'm a Christian and I think that while prayer is all fine and good, YOU have to make the change. YOU have to walk through the doors that are opened. I'd say more but everyone else has already talked about this subject

 

I'd suggest going to college if you can. It's an excellent time to be in school, even if all you do is take evening classes at a community college.

 

Oh, by the way, don't have a baby. Not yet. You have plenty of time, and a baby at your age in your financial situation WILL ruin your life.

[EmptySoul]

I am not pregnant now. I do not consider myself lazy, I have worked full time for this long and he has not. I do not think it is that unfair for him to switch to full time and me to part time until our child is at school age, then I could go back to full time. But I guess wanting time with my baby and a break for a while makes me lazy. I just see no point in having a child that is with someone else all day every day. There is no point in having a lot of money if you have no time to spend it with your family..I guess I don't have anything else to say, my feelings get hurt too easily and I dont want to say anything else that could have a negative reply about myself I guess.

e.

[ur02111222]

First off, there is nothing wrong with you wanting a baby and family life. That's normal and natural for a lot of people, but the timing right now is not good. You and your fiance are not financially stable. Please do not bring a baby into the equation just yet.

 

Second, it sounds like some of the responses were a little bit negative. I don't think it was meant to hurt your feelings, but more to say, "Don't have a baby now. Go back to school. Save up money. Then have a baby."

 

Don't have a baby right now. You have plenty of time to have a baby. Right now, you and your fiance could not provide for a baby as well as you could in another 5-10 years. So why not wait a while while you both work full time, save up money, and maybe even continue with school? You will be in a much better place financially in about 10 years, and still at a great age to have children.

 

Please wait for the baby. The baby will come eventually, but I don't think you want it to happen too soon.

[NowandZen]

It will help, in good times and bad, to remember the following:

 

"These things come and go"

 

Whatever the situation you find yourself in, know that it will change, that it MUST change, otherwise we'd all be statues.

 

Sounds to me like you have a lot out of life that you want. Go with that, embrace that and laugh at your current situation, knowing it's temporary.

[BelowZero]

Nel nel nel nel nel, no te claves en hesa idea.

 

Your 19......... I have been to spain before, and let me tell you. I meet this couple who the wife was 26 and the husband was 24. The husband worked at a local McDonald like restaurant, and the wife at an ice cream shop. The made about the same amount. When i asked them if they wanted anything else in life, like to be a doctor or a llegal agent or what comes to mind, Their reply was " No, we live together and were happy"

 

What am trying to say is, you got someone to love and someone loves you back. Keep it simple now and then when things get better...Then gitty up.

 

The Beatles " All we need is love"

[now_better]

we're all looking out for your best interest. we just think you're a little naive and you just have to plan things out more if you want to get to where you want in life. i don't think it's possible to live on one minimum wage income for a family of 3. i think you'd need to at least make like $50k+ to raise a family of 3. with that goal in mind, start thinking about what kind of jobs you guys can take on to make that much.

 

maybe you don't start a family today, maybe 5 yrs from now. but really, i think you'll be happier if you can raise your baby when you can afford to buy diapers, food, medical expenses for the baby, toys, clothes, stroller, baby seat, etc.