MissKnowitall Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Cheating is a choice. There's no such thing as "it just happened", "but we love each other" or "we didn't intend for it to happen" Cheating is weak and the choice to cheat is wrong. There is never an excuse or valid reason to cheat. No person is so weak that they are incapable of resisting the temptation to cheat. No person is immune to the temptation to cheat. Some simply choose to cheat while others do not. It is said that people cheat "because they can" and true enough I've known a tremendous amount of cheaters that were in otherwise satisfying relationships. Cheating is a convenience, a risk, a thrill, a drug. The person that pursues an affair willingly and knowingly with a married individual should expect nothing but more empty promises or lies. Are you sleeping with a married man? Newsflash: He's also sleeping with his wife and you're a fool for believing otherwise. Cheaters risk more than financial ruin. They risk the sexual health of their spouse and the mental/emotional health of the children. Cheating is selfish, self-indulgent, inexcusable, and malignant behavior. Spending unnecessary time with an attractive individual that is not your partner with no specific purpose is a form of infidelity. Discussing the intimate details of your feelings with the opposite sex outside of your relationship is a form of betrayal. There is no need to acquire "new" friends of the opposite sex while in a committed relationship. There are plenty of same-sex individuals out there you can find something in common with. A cheater must pay restitution for their actions and accept responsibility in order to fully recover. Cheating destroys the moral fabric of society and participating in infidelity is one of the single worst decisions a person can make in life. The consequences of cheating will follow you to your death. A cheater makes the decision to accept this reality upon deciding to cheat and deserves to expect no less. To choose to cheat creates a fantasy that will never come true. No relationship is perfect and cheating is often the result of unrealistic expectations on the part of the cheater. These people often cite "their happiness" as being the reason for their infidelity. Link to comment
thistime Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 and as a reformed cheater, I absolutely agree with these points, except for one: Cheating is NOT convenient. It takes alot of "work" to lie and sneak around and cover your tracks...and make up stories, and act as if you are doing nothing wrong. do miss knowitall...are you a theapist, or have you been to therapy, or known someone who has? These are alll pretty textbook comments/questions from my "why the hell do I cheat and how do I stop" sessions... Link to comment
MissKnowitall Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 LOL! I'd say a therapist to my friends and strangers that ask me for blunt advice LOL! I'd like to actually start my own advice site but not too sure how to go about it. By convenient I mean that "its available to them". I don't know why people go to such trouble for sex but people do strange things. Link to comment
thistime Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 it was not about the sex for me...Honestly, sex with the guy I cheated on was amazing...sex with the guy I cheated with, ehhh, not so much. It was the way he made me feel about myself...I was "addicted" to the feeling, and couldnt stay away. funny thing is...if I were to stand the two guys together, everyone would ask "What the HELL was I thinking??!!" Link to comment
MissKnowitall Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 Oh...so you are a female. Totally different motivations when females cheat! LOL! Some women will cheat for the same reasons men do but females are far more complex in their social/emotional hard wiring than men. So you fell into the addiction that sucks! I've heard that one from women. Often women cheat for emotional reasons but its not uncommon for the thrill and excitement to captivate them. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 To the OP, thanks for the bluntness and truthfulness of your thread. I just broke up with a man less than a month ago who says and "shows" that he loves me, but in fact I discovered that his "friendship" with his ex-gf was in fact an ongoing sexual one. I agree with every single point you've made. Especially that they don't deserve a second chance. Period. I'm not looking back on the decision I've made because my life has been so much better knowing I'm not spending another minute of my precious time with such an immoral fool. Link to comment
MissKnowitall Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 Wow! I'm proud of you Arcadefire. That's a tough thing to go through and I know its hard for people to walk away from. Thank you for your feedback. Its people like you that have inspired me to start this thread. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I hope that my painful story can show to all the people out there who believe that they cannot walk away from a cheater... you really could. And should. It's for your own emotional (and physical!) health and benefit. I immediately got STD tested after I found out. It's not worth the grief of wondering if he's lying to you again. I thought I loved this man. But after what he did to me, the most disrespectful thing you can do to a SO, I had to throw in the towel, cry a few tears, and try my hardest to surround myself with better people who have values. It just wasn't worth the fight, and it just wasn't worth rebuilding that broken trust. One thing different than one point you've made in the OP (the part about a more attractive other), she is actually uglier than me. To add more insult to injury, she graduated from a worse school and is making a lower paycheck than me. I just don't get his sick mind. He had it all with me, and that's his loss. Au revoir, sucker. Even his begging me back, saying he won't ever do it again, the I'm sorrys, I'll make it up to you... it's too late to apologize because he's been doing it again and again behind my back. And I'll just let that be a lesson to him that hopefully he can learn from, but I sure as heck won't want to be there to see if he has. Link to comment
thistime Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 here is one thing I have learned...you cannot feel that you were cheated on b/c of anything you did or didnt do...it's not about you..it's about and b/c of the cheater. Even Jennifer Aniston got cheated on...it is the sole decision of the cheater to hurt and betray. Nothing you are or could be prby would have changed the situation. Now...heal, go forth, and find a loyal man worthy of you. They do exist... Link to comment
MissKnowitall Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 You both are so right! Guys often do cheat down or cheat with less attractive women. Link to comment
thistime Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 another thread in where a poster was cheated on had a response saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" i have to say that, although it is rare, some of us DO CHANGE! it is like being an alcoholic and choosing to NOT drink, or a drug addict and choosing to not get high. It is a choice...and some of us have made that choice... Link to comment
MissKnowitall Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 another thread in where a poster was cheated on had a response saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" i have to say that, although it is rare, some of us DO CHANGE! it is like being an alcoholic and choosing to NOT drink, or a drug addict and choosing to not get high. It is a choice...and some of us have made that choice... Huh? Are you accusing this thread of making that assumption? Or referring to another thread you were looking at? If you are referring to this one then I may point out that I've stated several times that cheating is a "choice" and that it can affect people like a "drug" it can be an "addiction". So if it is this thread you are referring to I do not understand your statement. Link to comment
thistime Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Huh? Are you accusing this thread of making that assumption? Or referring to another thread you were looking at? If you are referring to this one then I may point out that I've stated several times that cheating is a "choice" and that it can affect people like a "drug" it can be an "addiction". So if it is this thread you are referring to I do not understand your statement. NO, i was referring to another thread...well, several really...related to infidelity...that used the phrase. No i completely think you are on point...which is refreshingly accurate...thanks! Link to comment
MissKnowitall Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 LOL! I've noticed the same thing. Link to comment
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