"too distracted."? what the hell?

[loveyousomuch]

In my previous post, I had said I found porn on my fiancees phone (about a week ago now), which made me feel unattractive as I am nine months pregnant and I was worried that I wasn't satisfying him/wasn't as attractive to him anymore, that he wanted me to be thinner/prettier. (Our sex life has dramatically declined, along with the compliments I used to get, we're not as passionate anymore, etc.)

 

Anyways, after listening to everyone's input I realized a lot of my the issues with the porn vids, were due to my own insecurities about my body right now. Only thing is, I now have another issue:

 

I had taken the advice of some people on here and actually made an effort to look nice (did my hair and make-up, put nice clothes on, etc.), and he hasn't made any type of comment about me looking nice or anything.. I also made an effort to reassure him I want him by being more flirty, trying to kiss him more, casually touch his arms more often, compliment him on how he looks and smells - I even gave him a very lengthy back rub even though I can't move around very well right now.

 

Anyways, last night, I started kissing his neck, hinting around that I wanted to have sex, eventually he got the point and we started making out for a bit - then when we started having sex, with minimal foreplay before hand (slight touching, no oral at all). We were doing it for about 5 mins when he stopped and said "I can't".. I asked him if he thought it was too weird because I was nine months pregnant and he said "No." so I asked him what the problem was and he said "There's too many distractions."...

 

Well, what the hell am I supposed to do now?

 

After trying to get over the issue that I had with the porn, and putting myself out there (which I haven't done in a while), he doesn't even want to have sex with me!? ... What a huge confidence booster that is.. I seriously feel like why even bother trying if he doesn't even notice or care? BTW, he was still hard when he said there was too many distractions so I don't think it was an issue of him going soft or something.. I guess I really need some more advice so.. please help?

[Speranza]

Well, try asking him what he meant... ?

[loveyousomuch]

I did ask him, and he said " I don't know.. I'm just distracted." and I pretty much left it at that because I didn't have the balls to push the questioning any further.. =/

[Vince99]

I asked him if he thought it was too weird because I was nine months pregnant and he said "No."

 

The truthful answer was "yes".

[ramonymone]

Is this your first child? If it is I remember when my ex was pregnant with our daughter and I was very weirded out when it came to having sex. The overall situation is that some men look at pregnant women as not as a sexual being because of their current state. There were times when I was having sex with my and ex, and I would have to stop for a second because I felt as though I was engaging in a threesome. I place men not having sex with their pregnant significant others, in the same category of women not wanting to have sex because the kids might hear. Nothing personal.

[ramonymone]

The very imaginative image of me "sticking it in" and simultaneously the top of my baby's head coming down the birth canal, would randomly pop in my mind while we were having sex--more times than I care to recall.

[loveyousomuch]

This is our first child so it could have been that I'm nine months pregnant but he doesn't have any problem doing it when he wants to.. (which mind you isn't too often, but even still). Maybe he was too shy to tell me it was the fact that I'm pregnant..?

[SapphireNoir10]

Ask him to be honest with you. That you'd like to work out what the problem is so that you can fix it.

[loveyousomuch]

Yeah, that probably is the best idea. I'm just not sure how to go about bringing it up.. any ideas?

[SapphireNoir10]

Put is as nice as possible like

 

'I really miss sex with you, its so great, be honest, is it cos im pregnant? I'd rather know if its that and if it isnt I want to try and fix it'

 

Doesnt have to be in those words but in a non accusatory way just ask him whats up, to be honest so you can fix it.

[loveyousomuch]

I think I will try saying something along those lines (not word for word of course). But I'll try to be honest and open, not accusing him of anything, and maybe then he will open up too!

Thanks!

[SapphireNoir10]

Wish you the best, let us know how it goes!! Just remember be as supportive as you can, this might be as hard for him as it is you. Im SURE with a good talk you'll be able to start work on getting it back on track.

[retired1]

The lad most likely has a lot on his mind, which is going to affect his libido. Kids kinda do that to a guy, especially the first one.

 

First, you're almost due. That's GOT to be terrifying him just a bit. The changes in your body, along with everything else can all come into play.

 

This didn't really affect me too much with my first kid, but I know other guys who just wigged out whenever it was suggested they have sex with their spouse while she was pregnant. Fears of hurting the baby or causing their spouse to go into labor (yes, orgasms can kick start labor) were just a couple of fears they had.

 

He may also be thinking that things are going to be a LOT different once you have the child. And this, too, is true.

 

Your best bet is to sit down and have a heart to heart chat about all this. It can be a frightening time for the first time parent, especially when there really isn't anything you can do to prepare yourself for this. It would be great if there was some kind of class you could take that prepares you for what's ahead, but there isn't. And that could be one of the biggest things that's on his mind right now.

 

Go easy on the lad. He's most likely thinking like a first time father, and thinking back, I know it scared the crap out of me a few times when I sat down and thought about it before my first daughter was born!