Changed her mind at the last minute

[baker53]

Hi everyone I have a question about my living situation with my gf. For the past few months my gf has said that when our lease is over (beginning of Aug) that she was going to go live at her parents vacation house, which is about 45 min. away. She wanted to move there because she just quit her job and she would not have to pay rent there. From the beginning I told her that I was going to stay in the area I am in now since I go to school and work here, but regardless she was still leaving.

 

So for the over the past couple of months I have been trying to find a roommate and about a month ago one of my friends and I decided that we were going to live together. Everything was pretty much set in stone except that we have not signed a lease yet. Well now that it is getting closer to me signing a lease my gf go upset because she realized that I was really going to do it. So I told her that if she still wanted to get a place together that I still would. She told me no over and over and would get angry at me for trying to get her to stay. so my friend and I were gonna go this Monday to sign the lease. Well yesterday I told my gf what was going on and that we could still get a place together if she wanted. Now when I said this I didn't think she would take me up on it since she has told me no so many other times, but she did. She changed her mind at the last minute and now I am stuck in a dilemma. I don't want to let my gf down since I told her that we could still get a place together, but I'd feel really bad if I back out on my friend at the last minute. How do I handle this? Is it wrong for my gf to change her mind at the last minute like this when she has been telling me for so long that she is leaving?

[murman2]

tell her you re-thought it and concluded that you would not be able to afford a place with her because she doesnt have any income, and you cant afford to pay for the apartment by yourself... If you want just tell her its temporary and when she gets a job and saves enough to pay half first last and security youll get a place with her. This is her own fault and unfair to make you feel guilty because she cant make up her mind, is too lazy to get a job and cant hold a job. She needs to realize she needs to work to be able to have the things she wants, dont reward her immature behavior.

[baker53]

I thought about that but the apartment I would be getting with my friend would be more expensive than getting one with her. According to her, she can now afford to help me with the rent some how. Now if I go live with my friend I will be locked into a lease for at least one year, so it wouldn't matter if she got a job soon. The problem is that if I tell her no now I'm pretty sure that it would end our relationship. Do you'll think it would work if all three of of lived together? If not, how do I choose one of them and still save face?

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated because I have to make a decision today or tomorrow.

 

Thanks

[Ms Darcy]

Honestly, I think you need to clear the air with everyone and tell them you goofed. It was your primary responsibility to AVOID making an offer that you did not expect her to accept. Tell both your friend and your gf about your predicament, apologize profusely, assert that you do not want to ruin either relationship with your mistake, propose that the three of you live together, and ask for additional suggestions. The best people to advise you on this, in this situation, are the ones with whom you will need to negotiate.