Broke up, got back together, now broke up again!

[kleptoz28]

This is kind of long, so please bear with...

 

Hi again, all. I posted here about a month ago when my girlfriend broke up with me proclaiming that she needed space to work on herself. I didn't contact her at all, and 5 days later she called me crying about how much she missed me. She came over, talked for a long time, and told me she loved me. The next day, she came over again and said she wanted to get back together and thought she could completely devote herself to the relationship.

 

Things went great for a few weeks, but then the same nervousness she had before started to show up. She told me that she had been in one relationship after another for a few years and although she thought she didn't need the break, she really does and so she broke up with me again. She told me I treated her better than anyone she's ever been with and she loves me, but that she doesn't think she's good for anyone right now. I know she does have some things about herself she needs to work on, even though I don't exactly understand why she has to be alone to do so.

 

She asked if we could "still be friends", but everytime I've tried to be "just friends" with this girl, it lasts about a day before it turns into something more. So I did the same thing I did last time she broke up with me and told her it was best that I not see her if being alone was what she wanted. And I told her that I was going to leave her alone if that was what she wants, but that she was free to call me whenever she needs to.

 

This happened once before and she came back in a few days. I'm hoping she'll take a week or a month to actually get her problems sorted out and then call again, cause I don't want to go through this ever again.

 

My question here is, does it sound like I'm doing this right so far? Or is this girl never going to talk to me again? And what should I do if she calls wanting me as a friend? (my inclination would be to talk to her on the phone, but not actually see her unless she wants something more)

[ilios69]

i think you should let her sort things out,your question was if she calls you as a friend what you should do?well if you care for her then absolutely be a friend.dont pressure her into getting back together when she calls,this will only push her further away just be a friend and listen to her.dont even bring up the relationship problems.

[ziggystar]

i think you doing perfectly fine and have it right. all you have to do now is get yourself happy and strong being by yourself and let things take it's course. think of it as tempering steel. slowly is best or else it'll be brittle.

[ziggystar]

i just thought of something. it seems as though your both reacting the same way producing the same result. so maybe you can change something to elicit a different result, if she isn't. that's if you care to do so.

[kleptoz28]

Ok , so tonight I hit a major problem. I had some work to do but realized I had left my toolbox at the ex's appartment. Ok, well that might violate the no-contact thing, but I needed it for certain and the site I was working on was just a few minutes away.

 

So I figured I could get it from her before she went into work tonight without much hassel, but I arrived to her appartment just as she was getting into her car... and SOMEONE ELSE WAS DRIVING HER.

 

I didn't get a good look at who it was... maybe her gay friend, but I doubt it. This was like 5 minutes before she had to be to work, so I think whoever it was would have to be someone from work. AND she saw me, but they pulled off and left without saying anything to me.

 

Now I'm in a really shitty spot, because I have now inadvertantly initiated contact in a negative way. I still need to get my tools back, which means I'll have to call her, and now there's the issue of who was driving her and why they didn't stop.

 

I'm starting to get the feeling that maybe she's seeing someone she works with? This freakin' sucks. I'm either gonna have to call there or she might give me some kinda angry call tomorrow wanting to know why I was even there. Any ideas on the least damaging way to get my stuff back?

[Exocet]

You know I think you shouldnt be too overly concerned with who drove her or who that guy is. Barely a week after I broke up, I saw my ex drive off with some guy I've never seen before in her car. Her car just passed by right in front of me when I was on the way home. Needless to say I was devastated, but dont read so much into it. You're just giving yourself another cause for worry.

 

The situation I guess is only as good or as bad as you make it out to be.

Give yourself a break.

 

Just my two cents.

[kleptoz28]

Sorry, I mentioned this in the previous thread I had on here, but I forgot to in this one. She works as a stripper, so seeing a guy driving her to work is something I'd read a lot into UNLESS either:

1. It was her gay friend

or

2. Maybe I didn't get a good look and it was one of the other girls driving