Still Feeling the Hurt

[bear314]

Going to make this as short as I can. The day of this years Super Bowl my ex broke up with me saying it was "mutual" Told me she could not deal with the distance, we had an LDR, and that we would get back together in the summer. We had been talking for months before this as friends with benefits. After I visited her during winter break I asked her to see her officially. So we dated a month.

 

In the two weeks following our break up she went to PA to see family. This so called family was another guy she had met around the same time we did last summer. She had chosen me over him because we connected better and he did her wrong somehow. After I found out we had talked on and off about the who, what, where and whys. Nothing was explained so clearly as she said he made her happy and she loved him. Sometime I told her off and she asked me if I was mad at her. * * * do you think? So I sent her back the unopened ipod nano she got me for Christmas, she kept the Build-A-Bear I gave her.

 

Every now and then she contacted me to check up on me. In the weeks surrounding my sister's graduation where I had to go back to NY she, my ex, wanted to talk to get rid of any tension. I avoided this and told her there was nothing to talk about until I picked up one of the times she called. I got everything out, the pain and anguish she left for me to deal with. Towards the end things were alright though.

 

After the call we texted each other and made jokes like we did. Apparently the reason she left me was because me and my sister were on bad terms because she did not approve of her. They had a bit of a falling out. Still, it does not explain why she had to lie to me. Get with this guy she does not love. Send him bumper stickers over facebook, one with a picture of pink furry handcuffs saying underneath frisk me. She deliberately did everything to hate her and she said it killed her to do all of this. My summer has been ok but recently after seeing pictures of this son of a * * * * * with her in my hometown holding hands and sharing memories that were supposed to be ours and not his. I'm going crazy. God is not fixing this and after what has happened I do not know how to trust her. There are so many things leaning for her but then just as much against. For example: I lied to her about not being a virgin, so I confessed to her cause lord knows I hate a hypocrite. I remember she asked if I was planning on doing anything with the girl I was with. I said no and she said the same.

 

We said we would revisit this in a year or something like that. But why is she wasting her time with a guy who looks like Little Nicky and got hit the face with a shovel. Who did her wrong and couldn't keep a respectful distance from me and her when we were together. We were something special and had plans. She royally * * * * ed it up for my * * * * * of a sister whose idea of an ideal SO is made of muscle and screws you over. Things are worse with my sister and this is * * * * ing killing me. Went to see Bruno yesterday and I couldn't even enjoy it.

 

I can't take this anymore. Instead of being with her for college God placed me at a military college which I don't want anymore but have no choice. This is not what I want anymore. I've been doing everything I can for good karma. Staying in NC and everything. But its killing me cause this year has been the worst for relationships ever since her. What the hell am I supposed to do? Where is the justice? They say everything happens for a reason, so how the * * * * does it apply here? Everything was great until the end. I'm just so down right now. My heart hurts, the tears are none stop. All the emotional and physical pain is coming back. Please can anybody throw me a life line?

[stingray]

Screw her shes not worth it the slightest bit!

 

You sound like a nice guy and even though we might be at a disadvantage we shouldn't settle for people who cannot appreciate us. I say drop her and intiate NC!

 

I am dealing with similar pain to you right now so I can strongly relate...

 

Feel free to PM me anytime you need any help brother...

[genster]

STOP, DROP AND RELAX!

 

Keep staying NC and don't look back! She does not deserve you at all.

Let her stay with the other guy and waste her time and you should move on.

When she'll wake up, she'll realize that she made a big mistake leaving you!

And it'll be too late for her because you would have found someone better and you would have forgotten about her.

Take what you got and work with it.

You can make it through this rain, i am sure of it!

You might get caught under it for a while but good karma doesn't always come right away. It sound depressing but it may take a few more weeks or months.

Who knows what tomorrow, next week, next month will be like.

Don't despair and do things you like to do and keep your mind occupied.

I promise the pain will go away, it does for me anyways...

I know it aches but just keep breathing and look forward to good things.

Things do happen for a reason and you will see good results soon enough!

[jenny_mcs]

I'm sorry you are in so much pain over this! But I think you have to look at this realistically. You say you were in an "LDR"- but from your older posts, it seems like you two only met once in person, for a couple of hours? You are both very very young, and it's not realistic that a 17/18 year old person is going to be able to have a LDR with someone who lives very far away, and whom they have only met once.

 

Do you have friends? I think it's time to concentrate on what's going on in your real life, and let this relationship go.

[bear314]

I know this might sound stupid but she was my first love and there is something I cannot let go of. Whether she is the girl I fell in love with or someone else. There are a lot of details I could add but I wanted to keep it short. Whenever I read the success stories it fills me with hope. Others such as the infidelity threads just tear me down. She was my first love and there is something that tells me to hang on to the belief for a future place for us. Something in the words and person I knew her to be when we last talked just washes away any doubt. Otherwise I see her with this guy and wonder how to decifer all of this information. In the end I do not know what to believe. There is only so much I can do to describe her so you ENA users can give me the best advice for my situation.

[LBP]

I hear ya, buddy. My first love went with a friend of mine who is a bit of an uggo. It was mysterious, hurtful, confusing. The sad truth is that all you can do is wait it out. You are so young. You're going to meet a million and a half people in the next few years and, being, a military man, the women will flock.

 

There's nothing we can tell you except that NC will help you maintain your dignity. Don't give into hate and darker thoughts; no profit in it. Do you have hobbies? This is an excellent opportunity to indulge them.

[bear314]

I hear ya, buddy. My first love went with a friend of mine who is a bit of an uggo. It was mysterious, hurtful, confusing. The sad truth is that all you can do is wait it out. You are so young. You're going to meet a million and a half people in the next few years and, being, a military man, the women will flock.

 

There's nothing we can tell you except that NC will help you maintain your dignity. Don't give into hate and darker thoughts; no profit in it. Do you have hobbies? This is an excellent opportunity to indulge them.

 

Funny thing you look like the son of a * * * * * that took her away. Although a lot better looking. Sorry, your right no use in profiting from dark thoughts but you know how the mind works. Anything is possible. I am just afraid of living my life thinking we will drift.

[mr.x]

What can I say? Maintain NC and move on. I'm trying so hard to do the same right now. For some reason, I've begun thinking of her more. But she has someone else now. And I feel sorry for her. She's missing out on me. They have to realize, on their own, that they made a horrible mistake. So for now, just forget about her. That's what I'm trying to do.

 

She left you for another, and my ex did the same. We just have to accept and move on; we're at the bottom of the pit, and the only place to move now is up.

 

I wish there was a way to just stop thinking about them altogether. I feel exactly the same way; she was my first love also. That's why its so hard for me to just forget. I thought what we had was special. She told me that first, actually. And stupid me, I believed her.

[tink0688]

hey bear! i don't know if you got a chance to read my last post on the thread we were continuing before, but i hope my situation can sort of give you some insight on how you are feeling. (btw, sorry it took a while for me to get back to you, but i spent a lot of time on that post! lol). i know exactly how you feel and it sucks seeing the one you love with someone else, someone who doesn't understand how lucky they are to be with that one person. They are making memories together that you wish were yours and it sucks. Today my ex flew to Chicago for a week to see his new gf and i hate it. I'm hoping they get sick of being together 24/7 cuz even after 3.5 years me and him haven't even spent that much time together. This summer me and him were supposed to go on vacation together, not them! But thats the reality and we just have to accept that.

 

Bear, I know you love her very much, but would you be able to get back together with her knowing everything she has done? Even if you were able to forgive her, things wouldn't just go back to how they used to be. They would be different. I tend to agree with the other posters. Stay NC because you are a great guy and deserve better! While she is off with some guy she supposedly doesn't care about, you are here helping me and a lot of other people here on ENA, so you have a good heart. You seem pretty intelligent and are very good looking, so i know you will find someone great!

 

p.s. if you wanna PM me it might be easier instead of going back and forth on our threads cuz now that we have 2 going its starting to get confusing! hang in there and i'm here for you!