MissI Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. We are both from different countries and met whilst working abroad. When we got back to our own countries, after taveling and working abroad, we had a long distance relationship for 8 months then he moved to my country to be with me. We lived together for over a year and then he decided he didn't like his job and missed his family and friends so much, that he moved back home. He's been back home for 2 years now and we've maintained a LDR, by speaking every night and by seeing each other every few weeks. The next step that we'd planned was that i'd try living in his country, so we could be together again, although there were always complications with this, the main ones being the language barrier, jobs etc. I'd planned to move over to his country and when I tried to bring this up with my BF towards the end of last year, he always seems to avoid talking about it (at first he was keen), then when I pushed a bit more he broke up with me, saying the excitement had gone out of our relationship. To cut a long story short, we got back together again after a week. When we got back together he said he know exactly what he wanted and that he'd just needed time to realise it. For months after we got back together and up until recently, he was constantly asking me when are you going to move to my country. I was always caution after what happened last time. Away, over the last few months I'd started to look into moving to his country and at first he was right behind me saying this was definitely what he wanted etc. Then suddenly last week he told me, he wasn't sure this was what he wanted, I said I can't be with someone who doesn't know what they want and we broke up. I've not heard anything from him since; but i've also not contacted him. I can't believe he's hurt me like this again, especially as it was him that was pushing for me to move and last time we saw each other we were getting on well. I just really don't understand his behaviour? Surely, if he did want to be with me he would have contacted me now? I know logically I should not wait around for him and that I need to move on with my life and stop being treated like this, but it's so hard, as I love him so much and was willing to give up everything for him, as he did for me once. Also we've been together for quite a while under the challenging circumstances. I'm so confused by his latest actions, I would welcome anyone's opinion on the situation. Does anyone think we'll get back together again? Link to comment
ay0_x Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 To answer your last question.. I think yes, you might get back together again. Do I think you should? No. I don't feel as though he loves you, and you're much more serious about this relationship than he is. I'm also suspicious as to whether or not there might be a little of infidelity going on, that maybe he had someone on the side, then didn't, and now has someone on the side again... You seem like a really nice girl, and you're willing to do a lot for him. I just don't think, if the situation was reversed, he'd do the same for you. Good luck, though. Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 He strikes me as having a commitment problem...he's stayed with you that long, yet when it's time for you to come be with him, he freaks out. He obviously cares about you or he wouldn't have been with you, talking to you everyday, etc. I do think he lost some feelings for you though--the infatuation, noteably. I think, when it really comes down to it, he likes your relationship because you live far away and don't have to live in each other's day-to-day lives at this point. When he thinks about the responsibility of seeing you everyday, he wants out. So I wouldn't doubt he's a commitment-phobe, or like the other poster said---maybe there is someone on the side. I would go into NC. Good luck! Link to comment
offplanet Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Don't let him stuff you around any more. It would always be like this. It's his pattern. Don't contact him or try to get back. Give yourself a chance to find someone else. All the best. offplanet Link to comment
MissI Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 Hi, thank you very much for all of your messages, it's really helpful to get different people's perspectives on the situation and it's good to get advice from people who do not know either of us. I definitely don't think he's cheated on me, I believe I would have sensed something like that, and he's always maintained if he wanted someone else why would he go to the trouble of keeping the LDR going (as it takes a lot of energy and can be very frustrating at times.) I know in my head that's he's treated me badly and that I should block him out of my mind and try to move on, but it's just so hard as I really love him, and love's not rational and is blind! Also what I find so hard to take in, is that it just seemed to come out of the blue. I like to think i'm quite good at picking up signs that something isn't right, but there were no obvious ones, plus a few days before the break up he was telling me this was what he wanted i.e for me to move. I also find it hard as it was him that was pushing for me to move, not me, in a way I was quite happy as I was. Plus if he was so affraid of commitment then why did he move to live with me in the first instance? I do however believe that if I did move to be with him then it would have been really hard on both of us and I would have been very 'needy' of him until i'd found my feet etc. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 To answer your last question.. I think yes, you might get back together again. Do I think you should? No. I don't feel as though he loves you, and you're much more serious about this relationship than he is. I'm also suspicious as to whether or not there might be a little of infidelity going on, that maybe he had someone on the side, then didn't, and now has someone on the side again... You seem like a really nice girl, and you're willing to do a lot for him. I just don't think, if the situation was reversed, he'd do the same for you. Good luck, though. Here's the salient point. Now you know the pattern and it's up to you to make sure this relationship stays ended. Link to comment
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