TIME FOR CHANGE!! THERE'S A NEW GAL IN TOWN!!!!

[dikaia880]

I do know that time heals all wounds...but it doesn't always mean that the love you once had goes away...

Also, in my case, I'm in a holding pattern...I will be moving back to her town in 2 and a half months, it pretty much ended because she couldn't cope with the long distance and missing me...but does that mean that when I move back things will work out? I don't know she doesn't know...but this I do know, until then I am stuck in this position, not being able to move on...once I'm back there and it either works or it doesn't then I can be free to move on if need be...

so at this point the only thing time is doing for me is stretching my patience....it's very hard...

When I was with her I was never wasting time, just living life like I had always wanted to...I felt alive...now I'm am back to wasting time for something better than this...this job I hate and this city I can wait to get out of...

[GeeCee]

I have news!!!

 

So I might have mentioned that tomorrow night I am going out on a date. Hmmmm... this guy has not read any rule-book!!! We have spoken on phone a number of times, and he divulges a LOT OF INFORMATION, and thinks that I MIGHT BE THE ONE, but we have never met. FREAKish or genuinely romantic?!?!?! I shall let you know.

 

And then there is the Australian!!! Now the Australian has been MIA for the last ten days .... apparently something to do with a broken modem cable. Yeah .... right!!! But the Australian is waaaaay tooooo funny and cute to let a broken modem cable get in the way.

 

And so here it is .... dinner tomorrow night with a very very intense man. And meeting the Australian for a wild night of clubbing in a couple of weeks.

 

HOW BIZARRE!!!!

 

G xx

 

P.S. Every now and then I still think o f the ex, but that temporary loss of sanity is becoming more and more frequent!!! YAHAY!

[rich_1517]

ahh geecee my sweet. beware anyone who "knows" anything so early in dating. they are control freaks in hiding. i dated a girl once and by date three she was talking mariare. its about them and not about you. be careful.

 

great you having fun dating. im proud of you. see i told you it feels good.

 

im in the same boat, but in a sad moment. i had to tell her to stop calling unless she knows either friend/more for certain, too difficult for me. so i am hoping C will make it this weekend, becuase wildness is afoot.

[spatzcolumbo]

Well done Geecee you're back dating again.

 

I still don't really feel ready for that - but its ok cos i have SO many other things keeping me busy at the moment...and i'm using all of them to keep me occupied and keep my mind away from things. Basically i decided i don't want to date at the moment. After the last few months, the idea of dating someone new just brings up the word 'hassle'. I can't be bothered with it at the moment. There is only one person i really want to date, and thats not gonna happen, so its time for me to do other things for a while.

 

I still think about her ALL the time, but i'm less and less negative, and i get less upset about it. Which is good.

[twizod]

Congratulations GeeCee! If you are ready for it, dating is the best therapy in the world. Especially if you are talking to two people From my own experience it feels like you are in control again and your emotions aren't as involved so it won't hurt if you get bored and drop them. Funny thing, though, every time I find another girl to start talking to my ex-g/f gives me a ring....female intuition?

[GeeCee]

Twizod

 

I am glad that women are renowned for their intituition much more than men. At the moment, would not want the ex making contact. Really would not. I know Strong1 has talked about the anger stage. Because of this, I would not want to talk to my ex at the moment - have reached the anger stage. Chipper and optimistic have gone out of the window. Am now angry at the waste - but also slowly moving into the pity arena. Which also feels much better. Pity HIM for giving up on something good. Pity HIM for not know what he wants - he himself has said that he is unhappy. Pity HIM for letting me go, when he said that he still desires and wants me. PITY PITY PITY.

 

So dating is sometimes good, sometimes tedious, sometimes frightful. And sometimes exciting. But whatever, there is always a surprise.

 

G xx

 

P.S. And at the risk of sound like SincerelyHurt, Twizod, you are wrong, there are actually FOUR men that I am currently talking to and considering meeting for drinks next week (although not at the same time!). This is fine, because I am looking to date, nothing serious. But has the potential to go alarmingly wrong, as the men involved are: Dave, Dave, Dave and David!! There has already been confusion where I sent off an email in response to one sent by one of the Daves, but sent it to the wrong Dave. So had to say oooops and explain the situation to Dave III, eventually saying, Perhaps I can calll you JAMES! As SincerelyHurt would, no doubt, say the world is sure spinning funny at the moment!

[twizod]

LOL!!!!!!!! Why does your life suddenly remind me of a Seinfeld episode they have yet to make. Oh, the travesty of how the Dave's will do on dates with GeeCee. Cannot wait for this episode to hurry up. Talk about keeping busy

[GeeCee]

Twizod

 

Yes, it is good not to think of ex on waking - very good. But had to go through shite to get to this stage.

 

Am now off out with neither Dave, Dave, Dave or David. Ooooooh, the plot thickens!!!

[SincerlyHurt]

GeeCee, oh my word!!! Three Daves, HA. The world does indeed fall off its axis on occasion. I am glad for you, back in the saddle riding along side me!!! YES. I don't know how you are going to keep the Daves separated, I have trouble remembering which gal I am going out with what I have told them, and they all have different names. I was with Canadian Chickie last week talking about golfing and I actually said "that was you that wanted to play right?", that comment did not go over too well.

 

Do keep us posted on how your dates go.

 

I had a wonderfully dramatic weekend. Friday night I met "Ring Check" girl out at a concert and then after closing ended up meeting another gal at my house for the night, and darn it if "Ring Check" did not call at 3:30 in the morning just to see if me and my friends were hanging out somewhere. Out of all the gals my gal friends like Ring Check the best, but I am going to have to play aloof to get her, she seems really independent.

 

So Saturday I go out with "Tall Blonde" to a couples wedding shower and then we head to a wild game cookoff and concert where all of my friends are. My ex and her new man were there. I know it tore my ex up seeing me there with Tall Blonde but it did not even phase me seeing her with Kevin. I am better than he is, no doubt. I marched right up to him at the bar and said:

 

"I guess if we are going to be in the same place you might as well know who I am, Im XXXX." He said "Look I dont want any problems with which I responded by saying "I just introduced myself to you does it look like Im trying to start something?" I went on to tell him that I have a problem with his exploitative ways and that I will never accept them into my circle of friends and that I will not let myself hate him either. He went on to blabber about his baggage but I was done, I scooped up all of my friends and Tall Blonde and we left, It was funny, my ex and him were left alone because all my friends went with me. LOL I killed them with kindness.

 

So we stay at the concert and the cookoff for a while then Tall Blonde and I leave to go watch the Roy Jones boxing match at a friends. It only lasted two rounds so afterwards Tall Blonde and I decide to go back out to a club we like. We get there and go to buy drinks and who do I see? "RING CHECK!!!!" Dang it again. That is the second time "Ring Check" has seen me out with Tall Blonde. Oh well, the night was fun anyway.

 

I went to a party with Canadian Chickie yesterday and we basically had a bit of a falling out. We talked about some issues and she said she would sleep on it but as far as I am concerned I think I will truck on.

 

I did talk to "Ring Check" yesterday and I asked why she did not talk to me Saturday night and she said because I looked busy, LOL. I said nah, I would have introduced you. Oh this dating life, it is twistingly fun!!!

 

I hope everyone is doing as well as I.

[Scout]

Wow. You're exactly the kind of guy I would go out of my way to not date.

[SincerlyHurt]

Scout, thats ok. My outlook is that I am figuring things out as I go. My breakup was pretty devastating and what I am doing now is just living for myself, meeting new people and just having a grand time. I am not ready to settle down with anyone and I make that clear, which is part of the problem with Canadian Chickie. I owe no one anything in the way of a relationship, not right now. I lived too long being tied to one person, this is the first time I have ever been single in my adult life and I have much to learn. Everyone I date knows my situation, what i have been through and hopefully that I am not looking to jump back into anything right away. Is this wrong of me?

[Scout]

No, Sincerely, it's not wrong of you at all to be having a happy time exploring your single-hood. And I know you were devastated by that break-up, and I am sorry you had to feel that pain. But, I'm a little concerned that you might be inflicting pain on others, now. Not by being honest that you're not looking for a one-on-one relationship - I think its commendable if you let people know that upfront. But I have to be very frank - if I came to the board and said, wow, I had a date with a guy the other day who said "You're the one that wanted to play golf, right?" I am pretty sure everyone would recoil in horror. And the remarks you made to your ex's new boyfriend? Awful. Plain and simple. It honestly sounded like something a spiteful little seventh-grade girl would do or say: "You don't get to be friends with us!"

 

I have read many of your posts, including some great responses you took the time to write to people on this board who are suffering from a break-up. You obviously have some great qualities that make getting dates easier for you than it might be for a lot of other people. But I am also getting the sense that your break up is not changing you into a better person, my friend. Sure, we've all been bitter about our exes, but becoming spiteful and determined to play the field with numerous women who all seem to hang out at the same place are not very attractive traits. Please don't let your hurt and anger turn into a general distrust of women and relationships.

[SincerlyHurt]

Let me address the conversation with the new beau. My ex and I were together for 9 years and so she got to know all of my friends fairly well, as did I with her friends (we are from different towns). Well since we have broken up I have talked to her friends and she has not even so much as contacted them to meet her new guy or to go out. But everytime he is in town she contacts my friends to see where we all are and if I am not with them she wants to bring him around. I am not talking about friends here that we made together, these are my childhood friends that have been here for me my whole life. No one can understand her motives for sticking around, it just makes it harder on the both of us when we run into each other. And then it really must be hard for her and him when I do show up and my friends go off with me, what is she supposed to do, Tag along? It just seems to me that she is being very selfish to continue coming around me and my friends when she has her own in her town, granted I am sure they are not as fun as my friends but she walked out on my life and my friends are part of it. So, no I will never readily accept them into my circle of friends.

 

Scout, what are you telling me, I should be friends with the guy that took my fiance from me?

[Scout]

Well, your ex probably hopes she can be friends with these people. Even if they weren't her childhood friends, she knew them for nine years, which is a long time, and I'm sure she misses some of them a great deal. She has a right to go out to public places in your town, and you and your friends don't hold ownership on specific places. Listen, it sucks that she left you for another guy - if that's what happened, I haven't read your original post yet - and I don't blame you for being upset about that, I personally would be just as devasted - but you said yourself you have moved on. And boy, have you moved on! You've been showing up at several places yourself with different women, and it's just unreasonable at this point, no matter what happened, to get upset if she and her guy show up too. Just ignore them and if your friends feel the same way about it, they'll do the same, and eventually your ex will give up her efforts to try and keep their friendships.

 

I still think your anger towards your ex is effecting how you're relating to your current dating partners. If you don't want to settle with any one particular person right now, I understand, but don't run through a bevy of women just for the sheer quantity factor. Try and remember these girls are not incarnations of your ex, they are individuals who likewise have probably experienced bad relationships, and a little sensitivity on your part wouldn't hurt.

[Scout]

Additional thoughts here after thinking about this situation a bit more...I do agree with you that after a nine year relationship with you, your ex should realize that's it a little too much to ask that your friends immediately welcome her company with her new boyfriend along. It's bizarre that hasn't occurred to her, and it certainly makes for a frustrating situation for you. And frankly, I would be outraged too, and might have actually created a real scene by now if it was me. I guess it's always easier to be the voice of reason regarding other people's situations. I still think I'm right about how you're treating some of these other girls you're seeing, though. I know you feel like a kid in a candy store at the moment, and this is a whole new world for you. You just want to make sure you don't burn any bridges in case one of these women should actually be someone you'd eventually care to pursue something a little more meaningful with down the road.

[SincerlyHurt]

Scout, thank you for your understanding and opinions. As for the women I am dating, well I am not flying through a bevy of them. I am casually dating and to be honest there is only one that I have called it quits with and we still talk every once in a while, no hard feelings whatsoever because she knew my situation and that I was not looking for anything serious. There are two at most that I could see myself settling down with at this point, but that is probably only because I know them the least. I am having a very good time going out with these women, they join up with my friends and I and vice versa, everyone mixes really well and that is part of the appeal, just to have a good time together.

 

As for the ex and her coming around my friends, yes it is frustrating because I cannot understand why she is doing it. My gym is accross the street from her best friends house and after the break up her friend came over to talk to me and see how I was doing and my ex actually got mad because I talked to her. But yet it is ok for her to bring her new guy around all of my closest friends. Here is an example from last weekend:

 

As Tall Blonde and myself were on our way to the concert we stopped by my best friends (was to be my best man) house to see him and his wife. He invited me over to his house that night to watch the boxing match, I accepted and promptly left for the concert with Tall Blonde. I was not gone from his house 5 minutes when his wife called my cell phone to tell me my ex had called to see what they were doing that night and had said she and Kevin may come by. Remember, this is my best friend since birth (our parents were best friends). It is ridiculous to me that my ex walks out of my life and now my friends are in a position that makes them feel like they have to give me a heads up if I come around. Before we broke up my ex and this couple never talked unless we were all out somewhere but now she makes concerted efforts to join up with them.

 

It is not that I am selfish and am jealous that she is around my closest friends, it is just that I think she needs to move on with that part of her life too. It is just like her wanting to come over the house as recently as last Thursday to get the dog, he is not her freaking dog anymore, she is rebuilding her life so she may as well start that off with a new pet of her own. She is holding on to more than she is entitled to.

 

The conversation I had with her new guy was good, I was polite, told him exactly what I thought and insisted that he just take really good care of her. My gal-friends said I took the high road. One of my gal-friends talked to him immediately after I did and said he was amazed at my level-headedness and that he can tell I am a good guy in addition to the fact that that is all he has been hearing from everyone down here. I am happy the way things went when I first saw them together.

[Sli]

Sincerely

 

Been following your posts for a while now and just want to say you are an inspiration my friend! …After having almost a decade of your life with your ex smashed to pieces, you have fought back from the depths of despair and rejection to become the positive and self confident guy you now seem to be. =D>

 

I agree your ex should have enough respect for your feelings not to push her new guy in your face. She knocked you down pretty hard and I'm not so sure she likes the fact that you have bounced right back up again!

 

Most people drop off the board when they find themselves, you have stayed around to show everyone else they can get through this crap and be happy again, I thank you. If people take the time to read your post, I think they will understand just where you are coming from and maybe give you a little credit… After being 'Sincerely hurt' yourself I'm sure you're not out to hurt anyone else, these girls know the score, so party on dude!…respect to ya and please keep the updates coming!

 

Same goes for you GeeCee, you go girl, must be quite confusing juggling a handful of Dave's! ....life is not a rehearsal people, we got ta live it now! \

 

Sli

[SincerlyHurt]

Thank You Sli, I know I am coming off as a player or a rake or whatever but truth be told I am just getting back on my feet. I will not settle for less than I really desire, and I know there is someone out there with the majority of the qualities I seek. I will continue dating until I find someone I can settle with and I truly believe that I have learned enough, or am close to learning enough that when I do find that someone I will know right off.

 

As for my ex not liking the fact that I bounced right back up, you are right. She said so herself: "I cannot believe you are dating people again", she was actually mad at me which basically conveyed to me that she did want me to pine for her and chase and fight. Essentially she wanted to have her cake and eat it too. The nerve of her, she was in a new relationship a week and a half after our split and then gets mad at me for dating again. And I really do not see those two working out long term, I bet in another 6 months she will be crawling back, or at least wanting to, she is pretty hard-headed. When we talk now the conversation always gets turned to whether or not we could rekindle anything and if so whether or not we could look past all that has happened (she, by hanging around my friends tends to get dirty little details about my new life).

 

GeeCee, I dont mean to be stealing your thunder here babe, can we get an update or is life so grand with the Dave's that you are fading from us? Hope all is well.

[twizod]

GeeCee, where for art thou sweet humming bird? Is this your forum or what? How is dave, dave, and um dave and, yes, David or whatever their names are?

[GeeCee]

Twizod

 

GeeCee, where for art thou sweet humming bird? Is this your forum or what? How is dave, dave, and um dave and, yes, David or whatever their names are?

 

Hmmmm ... sweet humming bird!! I am preening my feathers here Twizod! Have no news to report as yet - am truly a cool customer these days.

 

Life is ok - extreme highs and lows seem to have dissipitated. Nothing fabulous or horrendous to report guys, however you shall be first to know!!!

 

Hope that you are all well.

 

G xx

[Spartan1]

Hope things are going well for you GeeCee. Stay the course lass.

 

 

Spartan (stopping by)

[GeeCee]

So ... um ..... have been away for some time. Needed to take a break and get life back on track. This site was fabulous in some respects, but also gives ridiculous hope in others.

 

So here is my story .... decided that I had had enough of wondering about the ex. Enough .... enough .... enough. I am generally a proactive person, and decided to go out and do something about it.

 

And so here it is ... am off to Nairobi next week with a MAN!!! Oh, his eyes are NOT GREEN!!!

 

Yes, oh yes, oh yes .... there is life after the ex. There most definitely is. And love is a wonderful thing.

 

I hope that you are all doing well.

 

Good luck to you all in your quest.

 

G xx

[Mix Maxster]

Yes, there's always love after the ex. A huge thing people fail to believe. If your reason for wanting you ex back has something to do with the fear you could love no other, then there is your problem. I must add something, I understand everyone's concern and I also know that you have to look out for yourself, but I don't think it's foolish to want to actively get your ex back if you are not afraid of losing them in the process. I'm sorry to be presumptious, but I get the feeling far too many people beat themselves up when they make the attempt and it doesn't work jumping to the conclusion their ex won't budge and it's only making it harder for them. Another thing is knowing that far too many people are scared that if they push the ex away too far, they'll never come back.

[Scout]

Congratulations, Gee Cee! I was just wondering about you today. Well, I'm over the ex, too, but now I'm addicted to eNotalone! I do think we should clarify that many posters are more optimistic than others...I tend to be one of the more pragmatic posters, but not nearly as much as when I first came on. eNotalone sort of introduced me to the idea of fighting for your ex, - which I like, if the ex is a basically decent person and there is some hope of reconciliation. But not to the point where it drags out with endless angst, especially when it is clear the ex's feelings are not likely to change much or they are so clearly dysfunctional that it makes little sense to try and hold on to them.

 

And yes, it's a wonderful feeling to meet that first person you're actually attracted to after the ex. Like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

 

Now how in the world did you manage to get yourself booked on a trip to Nairobi with a mysterious new man??? The least you could do is share the juicy details with us!