Translation of her letter -- what do you all think?

[19ReallyHurting]

Quick Summary:

 

- This girl and I talked for 3 weeks, and she said shes claimed to like me. I think she used me just for sex. And I was a possible rebound. Not by her recent ex but she was thinkn about an ex before the ex she was with. She went back home which is another province, and I was on the phone with her and shes always told me she liked me, and 3 days before telling me she likes me she told me, its over because she doesnt "feel it".

 

I'm finding it difficult and furthermore frustrating to tell you what I've been telling you throughout these past few weeks. I'm sure you're also tired of hearing the same thing over and over again, as I am repeating myself often.

 

Please understand that at this point in my life I am looking for friendship only. Now, I understand that it must be difficult for you to imagine this when on your end, you have recovered fully from your breakup and your heart is free to love. Mine is not. Mine is bound to my past a little here and there, but mostly it is bound in the present. I am loving me, working on me, me me me, and it's definitely selfish in many ways, and in others, it is not because, it's been long overdue and if I cannot love myself entirely then I won't give anyone who is with me a fair chance either.

 

What I beg you to understand is that I do not want a relationship now, or in the near future, or to be with anyone who wishes to wait for me to get out of my "phase". This may or may not be a phase, I may or may not be the same person when this phase "ends". Should it be a phase, it may never end, which then, technically, doesn't make it a phase but rather a transformation.

 

I appreciate the beauty you see within me because I, in turn, see it in you also. What is essential to understand is that I cannot and therefore will not give you the love and respect you deserve now, in the near future, or potentially ever. I highly advise you, if I may, as a friend, as someone who's been speaking to you and knows you and cares about you, to slowly try and let go of this image of you waiting for something...whatever that may be. Live in the now, live for today, and let tomorrow come as a gift and not as a reward for your patience. Not for this.

 

Of course if that is what you choose to do, I will respect and admire you for the strength it takes, however I wish to let you know once again that there are no guarantees or promises made, no physical endpoints or emotional boundaries for which, if I were you, would lean my heart on.

 

You have respect for yourself and for those around you, you are determined and capable and from what you've told me and from what I've seen, you've mature greatly within the past bit of time. You've also been strengthened by heartbreak and loss, and I'm going to tell you it won't be the last time...I personally think everybody we meet gives us something for us to take forever, and no matter the time we share with them, be it years or days, seconds or months, that we cherish it and take it for what it is.

 

I admire that you've been able to be honest with me, and I will not lie and say that I wish things were different because I am happy with where I am taking my life now, but I can say it is a shame that we had to end so abruptly when deeper feelings were involved.

 

Before you feel a negative emotion towards us, like, regret, or sorrow, or foolishness, or whatever it may be that you may feel now or in the near future, or have felt, remember that the connection between two people is always mutual, whether we notice or not, whether obvious or subconscious. Therefore when you feel something deep inside, know that I feel it too, or have felt it, or will feel it, time is not the matter.

 

 

 

I THINK ITS A LOAD OF BS, somewhere I messed up... but im not talking 2 her anymore, like no contact. But I did express how I feel, which i shou

 

ldnt have done but I dunno. Do the girls ever come back? I feel like just walking away...

 

 

I responded:

 

hahhaa wow i guess you really wanted 2 make yourself clear.

you wrote me a 500 word essay lol can we just 4get all this * * * * and get our freak on now lol. jk jk

 

but seriously that was beautiful and i understand that i was being staburn.

look, lets 4get everything that happened and start from 0. i dont want to loose you as a friend. i was just overwhelmed with feelings and could not control it. i am ok with what we had. i should have understod and respected you feelings but like i said mine were so strong that i could not see yours.

 

the cards are in your hand and its ur call. if you dont wish to be my friend, i understand. but i think we had fun and it would be a waste to let it fall apart over my stupid mistake.

 

i will call you soon and we can chill

 

Basically, I'm going to walk away, After she broke it off with me, I didn't get mad at her.. BUT i did express my feelings and this is why she wrote all this. For once, I want a girl to chase me but by the looks of it , doesnt look to promising. It's just that she said she likes me, and now all of a sudden nothing.

[HeartGoesOn]

Sounds like a load of crap. If all she wanted was "friendship" with you, why was she wiling to have sex with you after that short of time, when you barely knew each other?

 

I think you can find better friends than that.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

i think what she is telling you is that.. right now- her heart is not in the right place- and because she likes you- she doesn't want to string you along and she knows she will do that.

 

she is saying that at this point in her life- she doesn't want to have to worry about or be responsible for anyones feelings- she is taking care of herself because she knows she is mending her own heart... and her life focus is about her.

 

she is also letting you know- not to wait around- because she doesn't want you to- she's letting you know there is NO chance for a relationship between either of you and she doesn't know if there ever will be- so do not wait - do not hold onto hope that she will take a month or two and then she'll be ready.

 

she's letting you know that its nothing against you - and she wishes that she wasn't in the place that she is right now- but she can't help what she feels and she knows what she needs and thats to NOT be in a relationship.

 

she is saying she has respect for you and doesn't want to string along -

 

i think its a respectful and well written letter.

[bear314]

She used you man. Wanted an escape from whatever it was she was running away from and got you to ease the load off of her. Now she has written this elaborate essay to cover up her tracks and get back in your good graces. Women like her will make the bad decision then realize what she has done and apologize with an excuse saying it is some kind of "phase" for her to go through and will feed of of your compassion and understanding.

 

I want you to really think about this, after you responded to her letter she is now in control of the situation. Obviously you want a relationship so how can you be ok with just being friends? I know your not ok with that so do not tell her that. You should tell her that using you for her own gain was wrong and this "phase" she's going through , true or not, should not have included you on a whim for a quickie. That after thinking things through and what you did together friends is not something you can do after the emotional investment and trust you gave to her. Because she mistreated you and is now backing off she wants to explain herself and have you take away her guilt which is not your problem. Give the guilt back and take back your man card that she just stole. Be calm and polite but aloof and neutral because when all else fails common courtesy and good manners will prevail. But let her know you won't be her crutch and what she did is wrong no matter what she is going through.

 

She told you all of that because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. But she wants to give you at least a small amount of hope to grab on to. In turn you will hold on and waste your life. You want a chance with this woman then take what I've said into account and tell her that the best thing you can have between each other is time and space and maybe for a point in the future but nothing certain. The say and do not edit the spelling, goodbye. People can say bye, see you later, whatever but goodbye sounds final. Not exactly what you want but if she comes back then she will if not then good. People like her are usually trouble.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds like a load of crap. If all she wanted was "friendship" with you, why was she wiling to have sex with you after that short of time, when you barely knew each other?

 

I think you can find better friends than that.

 

I agree. I think more than getting over her exs she needs to get over HERSELF! I would really suggest walking away from her period..she sounds too full of herself for even friendship.

[19ReallyHurting]

but by me replying with that message, that give her the upper hand eh? Is there a point in me replying another message to her.. or should I just leave it and walk away?

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

what did she do that was so horrible? she is letting him know in no uncertain terms that she does not want a relationship right now

 

if he wants to torture himself by waiting around- thats not her fault.

 

yeah she liked him and then realized she doesn't want to date anyone right now- and has let him know.

 

she didn't say in that letter- "oh i like you .. wait for me- while i date and screw you over"

 

unless i read wrong- she said she does not want to date him. Period. Move on.

 

it seemed to me that he was coming on pretty strong- expected more- told her how he was feeling- and then was crushed when she didn't respond the way he wanted or expected.

 

personally i thought his response was uncalled for and sounded more like someone who was using another for sex then her response did.

 

she took the time to write him .. she didn't have to do that...

 

bottom line- move on .. she's not going to date you.

[19ReallyHurting]

I'm just asking why she would do that, i'm honestly moving on. I'm not that hurt over it I need to learn so this doesnt happen again. I'm curious as to if she will ever call me

[HeartGoesOn]

Since you're honestly moving on, why would it matter if she ever calls you?

[Sunflour]

After a breakup, it's easy to think you're ready to move on when you really aren't. It's also easy to look for quick comfort in sex and then regret it. So, she made a very human mistake that lots of us make after a breakup. She probably didn't intend any malice or hurt to you, but alas, the hurt happened.

 

But however you look at it, her ridiculously long explanation (wayyyyy over the top, lady!) all boils down to, "I don't want to date you. It's not you, it's me." Which is pretty much the oldest story in the book. All you can do is accept that and move on.

[greywolf]

I'm just asking why she would do that, i'm honestly moving on. I'm not that hurt over it I need to learn so this doesnt happen again. I'm curious as to if she will ever call me

 

She probably just wanted a casual fling, and you ended up wanting more. I don't think she's done anything wrong, and her letter was very well written.

[19ReallyHurting]

It was a really good letter. By the way, everyone. I have continued to maintain NC. Staying strong. But... She was asking about me to my friend... she said "How is he?" and my friend said.. "He's doing great we went for coffee, he seemed fine" and she said "really? ohh" then she asked him day before yesterday "how is he" my friend replied "we went bowling and he seemed his usual self, he didn't say anything" she said "ohh".

 

I don't want to be an ass to her, too be honest, I do like her, but until she comes back to me I don't know whats going to happen, and I realize she doesn't want a relationship.

Shes starting to make small talk with me. She commented on a facebook picture of mine, it was an old one. She came over for dinner and I took a picture of her dinner plate a while ago and she comment last night, she said "i believe thats my rice thaank you"

 

so shes making small talk. Shes trying to talk a little, so what should i say back to that comment..... should be funny or normal? i dont want her to think im affect by this? i just dont know what too doo I dont wanna sound like a jerk or ass. We all know I like her

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

you told her that the ball was in her court as to whether or not she wanted to be friends- you didn't say .. "if i cant' date you .. then i decline on friendship"

 

so she is behaving as a friend would- you are really very unclear as to what you want - you are playing a game.

 

If you want to be her friend then behave as if she is a friend and remove any idea of dating her out of your mind.. .but if you like her too much and can't be "just" friends with her- then tell her that you can't communicate with her right now.

 

Honesty is the best way to go- but you are not going to change this girls mind in regards to dating... thats up to her and based on her letter to you- she isn't going to come around any time soon.