I am lost on what to do?!

[zippitt]

I went through a breakup about 3 months ago. occasionally I have bad dreams about my ex, it puts me in a state of relapse and depression. At the point we broke up I was angry and said nasty things about my ex to a mutual friend of ours named Kelly. I sort of new this info would get back to my ex. At the time I said it, I was sooo hurt I didn't care. Well about 2 months after the break we started to become friends again. She obviously didn't hear anything about the crap I said right after our breakup. After two weeks of talking to her again she suddenly stops emailing and calling. At the same point my brother who is also friends with Kelly, tells me some crap that Kelly was supposed to keep to herself. Basically it sounds like Kelly spilled the beans. I believe, but I cannot be sure my ex knows about everything I said. I deeply regret it and can't really forgive myself. I want to tell her sorry for all the crap I started, but at the same time I don't want her to hate me more if she doesn't know about it. I need to know how to get over the guilt, these dreams are torturing me. I still want to be friends with her, but I seriously doubt she will ever trust me again. I can't blame her though. I need some advice, thanks.

[simulacra]

The only way to get over the guilt is to know that she has forgiven (regardless of if she knows what you've done or not). So you have to talk to her. You have to be the one to come clean to her and ask for her forgiveness. If you leave things as they are now (without putting everything out in the open) you'll only end up feeling worse. You'll probably even start feeling guilty for the fact that she doesn't know how you've done her wrong.

 

Just my opinion.