She never has any time for me

[Ruiner]

Hi,

 

I've been with my girlfriend, Louise, for 10 weeks now. We met on my 18th birthday, and we seemed to be getting on really well together. We saw each other 3 or 4 nights a week, and we'd txt each other during the day.

 

Everything was going great until about 3 weeks ago. She told me that she had a lot of work to do in the following week, and that she'd have little or no time to see me. I was fine with it, and we did meet up one night that week in a bar for a couple of hours.

 

And then the week after she was still too busy to see me. She didnt txt me as much and when she did it was just to tell me that she was busy doing this and that. So I went out with my friends on the friday, and went to a club. She said that she might be in there, and she was. The thing is, she didnt really pay much attention to me. She was sat in a big group with all her friends, and she didnt even get up or anything when I arrived. I couldnt get anywhere near her because she was sat right at the back of her friends. After about 10 minutes of just standing around I went to put my coat in the cloakroom, and she came running over because she thought I was leaving because she didnt come over to me. But that was pretty much all the attention she gave me all night.

 

I was starting to get the impression that she was maybe getting tired of me or something, so I stopped txting her. After 4 days of no contact she sent me a txt asking if I was ok, and how she'd been so busy. We were txtin each other for the rest of the day, and she told me how she couldnt see me that week (last week) because she was busy doing all sorts of things, like driving lessons, seeing her dad, etc. She said that she was going to her friends house on Wednesday though, and it had me thinking that if she can make plans to see her friends, then why not me? She plans to go to clubs and bars with her friends, and she'll just tell me that she might be in there if I want to meet her in there. I just felt that she's putting her friends before me, so I started to feel pretty down.

 

Anyway, on thursday she said she'd be out in a bar with a couple of friends, so I went down to meet her and she hardly really said much to me. She was just chatting to her friends. After about 15 minutes she said she was going to her friends house for a while, and that she might meet me in this club later on that night. She left me in the bar without really even saying bye, and I just got instant depression. I hit the drink and drunk more than I ever had done in my life. I dont remember the rest of that night, but yesterday I learned that I'd been quite abusive to a lot of people and acted totally out of character. I went back to the club last night to see if I could meet up with any of the people I offended and apologise but none of them were there. I did meet a friend of mine who was with me on thursday night though and he said that his girlfriend had spoken to Louise. He said that Louise had told her that she really has had very little time to see me, that she had to go round to see her friend on wednesday because it was her birthday, and that she still likes me.

 

And now I dont know what to do. I txted her yesterday morning asking if she was ok and if we could do anything any time soon and she hasnt replied. People say I should talk to her, but I really dont know what to say to her!? I just want to know if she still wants us to carry on or not, because I'm getting so confused and I cant take my mind off it, but i dont want to say something that might pressurise her into seeing me if she really has very little time to see me because I'll feel so awkward.

 

What should I do?

[kurakage]

I've felt the same way as you before. It is a really bad feeling I know. Jealousy can cause alot of bad things.

You say that she has time to plan things with her friends and not with you, then just forget about it. It's her time and she can do whatever she wants with it. Go do your own things, plan your own events with your friends. Go out and have fun without her. You don't have to be dependent on her like that. Eventually, she'll come back to you and ask you to do things with her instead of just telling you that she might be at this bar and to show up if you want to see her.

Things have to balance out somehow. It shouldn't always be you feeling this way and shouldn't be you always sacrificing things to get time to spend with her. She should too. 10 weeks isn't a really long time, but it isn't short either. You shouldn't develop such dependency on her. Do not trap yourself by depending on her emotionally. You can find other things to do to make you happy, your happiness doesn't always have to come from her. No contact works sometimes too if you want to try that.

Like I said, don't always be the dependent one, try to be independent and go have fun with your own friends or go meet new people at bars.

Hope this helps

[pra_fool]

Ruiner, I feel that she is giving ample signs to you, that she needs time and space from you. So give her that....and yes you are doing it right by not pressurising or pushing her. Just let things drift for some time...and you will know better; If you haven't got it by now.

 

So you just carry on with yourself.....and be cool..and if she needs you, she will automatically come to you. Else move on....

[Mar]

I have to say that I don't think this girl is worth your time, if she can blow you off so early on in the relationship. NOT to say that it's okay at ANY time, but especially not so early on.

 

If it's only been 2 and a half months and she's still that obsessed with her friends as opposed to you and building up a rapport with you DIFFERENT FROM her friends, I'd say she's not quite mature enough to handle a real relationship.

 

There is NO reason someone can't make time for someone they're supposedly that interested in that early on in a relationship, and friends are NOT a good excuse. Your friends will be around for a long, long time, and if they're GOOD friends, they'll understand that you've finally met someone who's compatible with you and who you love, and who you want to spend time with. If this woman is still putting her friends before you, she doesn't have her priorities straight and needs to figure out whether it's commitment and love she wants, or "pals." There can't be an in-between, where she's treating you as a "friend with benefits."

 

Let her know that you're unhappy with where things stand, and ask her what she's honestly looking for, NOW, before things go any further. If she can be mature and tell you she just needs companionship, you'll know where you stand. If she tells you she wants a man to love her, you need to point out that in order to garner that love, she needs to show that she actually WANTS it and needs it, not treat it as something casual that comes and goes.

 

If she can't grasp this, she's not the woman for you. simple as that.

 

 

Mar