Dreams! Who needs em.

[JohnnyBlog]

Just woke up, pulled myself out of bed feeling numb only to find myself crying about half an hour later. I then get these images in my mind of a dream I had last night of me and my ex acting as a couple again! It has made me realize that perhaps, even when I can't remember my dreams, I am dreaming of her and this is causing me continued pain.

 

Does anyone else have this problem? My subconscious is obviously not letting go and causing me to cling on to what was and not allowing me to move on. Its so annoying.

[onewithbooks]

Sometimes it just takes time for our inner selves to get caught up to the logic of our mind. Unfortunately, the walls that your heart put up is no match for your unconscious mind.

 

I am sorry to hear that this dream upset you so badly. Maybe you should journal the dreams once you get out of bed, that way you get it out of your system and then you can move on fresh for the rest of the day?

[JohnnyBlog]

I guess that is true, its like i'm healing quite well after 5 1/2 months but sometimes I have these little outbreaks of emotion. I can tell I am healing because these are few and far between and my recovery of these are becoming so much quicker. about 3 months ago the emotions would lead to hours of depression! So at least that is a positive.

 

Sometimes its good to feel these little bursts of emotion because I know I will get over it quickly and it doesn't effect my day. (sometimes even feel refreshed after) Plus it only serves as a reminder of why I can not contact her, who wants an emotionally inconsistent dumpee on the end of the phone?

 

I have tried to keep Journals or logging my thoughts and Dreams, I found that this only set me back.

[onewithbooks]

do you almost feel cleansed after? I know I used to.

 

I am glad to hear you are healing. Its not an easy process and I wish you all the best in it.

[JohnnyBlog]

I do, its almost like something builds up, like blowing bubbles in a really thick milkshake, until it reaches the surface and then their is a kind of relief and I feel more balanced again.

 

Thank you onewithbooks for your kind responses.

[onewithbooks]

I always liked that feeling. I used it as a time to remind myself I was an awesome person before I met the ex, I was an awesome person with the ex, and now that the ex is gone, I not only am I still awesome, but also stronger.

 

Its amazing how resilient he heart can be isnt it? Look at all you have been through and how far you made it. Knowing that you can only move forward feels so good.

[JohnnyBlog]

It does feel good, getting past the stage of desperately seeking ways of getting her back to trying to heal for myself is a big, big stage for me and made me realize that i'm now doing this for myself. I have come to accept that I still love her but am starting also to realize the reasons why we broke up are probably the right ones. My ways of thinking have become like that of my ex when we broke up!

 

How long has it been for you since the break-up if you don;t mind me asking?

[karvala]

Just woke up, pulled myself out of bed feeling numb only to find myself crying about half an hour later. I then get these images in my mind of a dream I had last night of me and my ex acting as a couple again! It has made me realize that perhaps, even when I can't remember my dreams, I am dreaming of her and this is causing me continued pain.

 

Does anyone else have this problem? My subconscious is obviously not letting go and causing me to cling on to what was and not allowing me to move on. Its so annoying.

 

You are absolutely right. People don't remember most of their dreams, but these dreams still do have an emotional impact, and it is certainly true that the amygdala, the part of your brain most responsible for emotional arousal, is most active during REM sleep (when you also have most of your dreams).

 

One current hypothesis about anti-depressants is that at least part of their effectiveness could be due to the fact that they suppress REM sleep and thereby reduce the incidence of negative dreaming.

 

On the other hand, there is also evidence that REM sleep is critically involved in removing the emotional association from episodic memories, so it might be argued that everytime you dream of you and your ex as a couple, even if it's not an actual scene from the past (which it most likely won't be), it is downscaling the emotional response that such memories will provoke in future. So perhaps the dreaming is a necessary part of the healing (and hence onewithbooks had the feeling of being almost cleansed after ).

[onewithbooks]

Four years this year. It was the best thing to ever happen to me.

 

Now I have time and money to do what I want to do, and go the places I want to go. Before there was never enough money for us to go to the symphony. (Always seemed like there was money for the ex's sports equipment though, hmm, lol) Since the break up I have been a season ticket holder to the symphony.

 

Life is just good!

[JohnnyBlog]

I completely agree with that. It has been suggested that dreaming has evolved to act as a coping mechanism. It allows our brain to process emotions and fears to allow us to become better prepared for the outcome or actualization of those events in reality. Our brains try to learn in our sleep to benefit us when we are awake.

 

Having said that, I think my brain is preparing me for us being together again. When in actual fact, that is probably never going to happen!

[JohnnyBlog]

onewithbooks, That is great that you can now do what you want. Being able to start to think about what 'I' want to do and knowing that I can just do it is one of the most important and greatest thing when you are single.

 

Also when you are doing all the things 'you' want to do, is when you find the next special person in your life. Funny how that works out.

[onewithbooks]

I know, when you least expect it, wham, you turn around and there it is.