I am so scared = (

[monika]

It started in year 11 last year, I was so sad and scared, and I did not know how to cope. I hated so many things about myself that I couldn't change and I was so mad. It made me start to cut my wrists. They were only little but they grew with my anger. Shortly after my friends found out and they told my parents, it was very hard because things changed at home so much and I did not know what to do. I don't ever speak to my friends or family about personal things, and by doing this it took my fear and anger away for a while. This year I am starting to feel the same, scared and angry I am worried that I will start cutting again. I don't know what to do I feel so alone.

[cookies]

monika,...first i would like to know,...what is it, that you scared of and angry about? What is it that you hate about urself. Everything can be improved. Exercise provides soo many benefits to our bodies and overall spiritual being, its incredible. If theres somthing about ur personality that you dont like, that can be worked on too. You just have to open up to ppl that not only care, but can guide you, and walk u thru these times of self doubt. Just remember that if u invite God into ur life, you will have power and authority over the devil and the negative seeds of doubt and self hatred he tries to plant in our minds.

 

Its taken me many years to learn that fear and anger, both are NOT of God...You as well as myself both have a specific purpose in life, and the enemy will do whatever he can within his power to deter us from accomplishing our mission in life...ONce you recognize this, and take appropriate action, will u be able to stand up, brush it off and continue on. You are going to be ok, because you are crying out and have recognized that something is wrong...we always have to take baby steps in order to achieve our goals. Nothing happens overnight...

 

If its ok,...i still would like for u to share an answer to the questions i asked in the beginning of my post...then i may be able to help u further..

 

 

 

 

cookies

[monika]

I am angry that I never, had the courage to talk to the guy I liked who has left. I am angry at who I have become, I am angry that I am too shy. I am scared of failing the exams, I am scared of letting my family down, I am scared that I will not stop at cutting. I am scard to stay alive, and scared to end it.

[sisterlynch]

You know that there are people who care for you. The very people who came to help you the first time will always be there for you.

 

Aren't there counciling services available to you? Live for every moment. Don't worry about the past or the present. Let your life go on auto pilot for a while and try to discover what you really want to live for, make a list. Look at it from other people's perspectives, friends, family etc. You can do it. I know that you can, reach out again to those around you. They want to help you. Volunteer at an old folk's home, have one of them tell you their life story.

[Jonathan_in_fl1607306450]

If you dont mind me asking how old you are? I am gathering you are young or a teenager. Look I am 26 and right now I am in complete misery over losing my true love. But I can still sit here and tell you that you have sooo much to look frward to in life. High school, college is the best 4 years of your life. It sounds like you are taking the weight of the world on your shoulders. It is OK to break down in front of your parents and tell them what you are going through. I know you dont think it but they will understand and be supportive. It will help to ease some presure off of you. Remember I just lost my one true love, but suicide is never an option even though life dosent seem worth living right now. If someone else is the cause of you greif than it needs to be dealt with immediately, either by family or police. You have the right to be happy and do not let anyone put you down. One thing I wish I would have learned when I was much younger was to stick up for myself, it would have changed alot about who I am now. Take my advice and go with it, it is your only choice really.

[jujigatame]

Monika, you're clearly suffering from depression. If your life is so out of control that you feel compelled to cut yourself, you need to seek professional help. ASAP. Depression is misunderstood - people think that it's a "wussy" disorder that's the fault of the person who has it. But it's not. It's a mental illness just as serious as something bodily, like cancer or diabetes. Depression kills.

 

You HAVE to think of it this way: You are so sad because of the illness, not because of how things really are. Your illness is an enemy trying to hurt you. When you're depressed, sometimes it seems like you're seeing some kind of revelation as to the true nature of life, and that before it occurred you were just deluded into thinking that life was somehow good or that you had hope. This is not the case.

 

Anyway, get some help. Tell someone you trust that you feel lost, and then you'll get the aid you need.

[TearsofaDragon20]

Monika, there is always people there to help you with times like this. you're not alone and your not the only one. everyone goes through those emotions. cutting your wrists doenst make it better it makes things worse and it keeps you from being able to move on and get yourself out of that hole. i have been there before. i had almost been successful of ending my life when i was in 8th grade. with a shotgun. but someone saved me from doing that and helped me move on. im sure that your friends will do anything to help you get though these hard times. thats waht friends are for. thats why there is people out there like us that help so that life for you and many others can have happiness. But please dont cut your wrists you dont need to bare those scars. were here to help monika you know that.

[jujigatame]

I just wanted to reiterate the importance of seeking PROFESSIONAL HELP in this situation. I feel the need to make that extremely clear. As much as we here at this forum would love to help you, there's only so much we can do without professional training. Talk to your school social worker or a guidance counselor ASAP. We can support you, but as much as we all fervently wish otherwise, we're only a small part of the solution.

 

An end to these feelings starts with you taking the initiative to seek help from a professional.