The Gracious Dumpee

[dhjjessel]

I think that it is safe to say that if i had wanted to come off with some dignity, and some pride, I should have battled every instinct that I haed during my breakup. I will not get into too much detail about my behaviour because i have repressed most of it, but it is safe to say I lost the respect of my ex, and most of my friends in the process of my first breakup.

True, my mother died about a month before, so I was in emotional turmoil already, but nonetheless, the begging, the constant flip from contact to no contact, from friendly to distant, it was all wrong

Next time, it will be much more straightforward:

 

"I adore you, I would do anything for you, but if you wanna go, then go."

 

I am hoping to gather some other useful tips in how to be the ultimate gracious dumpee

please enlighten me

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am sorry about your mother. If your friends are true they will understand that having just lost your mother you were dealing with grief and loss issues..so losing a gf on top of that will be even more traumatic. We all do silly things in the name of love and keeping someone we care about...so don't be too hard on yourself.

[Pixiedoc]

I agree, heck you had TWO bereavements to go through, of course you are going to be devastated and not thinking rationally at all.

 

I also agree with CAD, maybe it is time to re-evaluated some of these so-called friendships. I know it's difficult for SOME friends sometimes if they want to support both of you and feel caught in the middle, but this can also sort the wheat from the chaff.

 

In order to be a Gracious Dumpee I think you have had to go through at least one completely heart-breaking, painful experience in order to learn from it. Hopefuly it won't happen again, but if it does you will know what to do, or not to do. You've told us already. Best of luck.

[dhjjessel]

i wouldnt say i lost total respect of my friends, but from my perspective, they have grown tired of my discontent. Of course, they understand, but it got to a point where I was having to force myself not to talk about it, because it was getting so old. I am feeling out of it now, only I have lost my favourite person in the whole world

the art of letting go.... not an easy lesson

[ellandroader]

I found this too in 2009, which by all accounts for me has been a terrible year on many fronts, one of which was my relationship ending and petering out by someone who "adored" me, pushing me away until I jumped.

 

Amidst a bunch of other issues, it was tough. Friends dropped like flies. One even told me when I had been diagnosed with mild depression that I basically had to find the answers myself. Thanks.

 

Your true friends will stick by you, invest in them and be strong enough to sort the wheat from the chaff. When you navigate through this storm, be strong enough not to let them back in.

 

I am really sorry to hear about your mother. I know too that letting go of people is tough indeed.