Taking the bad of the old out onto the new good guy

[tattoobunnie]

I've been with my new guy for over a 5 months. Things are good. He's great, he's awesome.We're open and honest with eachother. Problem is me. With my previous relationship that ended about 8 months ago, I find myself cold, paranoid, and hesitant to progress with my new guy.

 

To sum it up, while I have tons of posts on here, my ex was a huge selfish lying cheater who was good for nothing (it's actually wayyy worse than this sum up, but I'll spare on details). And yes, I wasn't planning on starting on a new relationship, just date, but we work, our relationship works.

 

My question is, besides ditching a good guy to go get normal again in the head, cuz who knows how long that can take, how do I stop taking out my nonsense on him, who doesn't deserve it? He's a good man. I feel like because they are night and day, they may turn out the same.

 

It's been a small battle, but now it seems to be growing the closer I get to him. I am also comparing them both from time to time, terrified that it might turn into another mistake. And at the same time, there were qualities of my ex that I really appreciated...the affection...

 

It also doesn't help that while I've told my ex to stop contacting me, he does...email, text, call...while still referring to me by my pet name. I have yet to return any of his contact attempts for six months. I've done yoga, attempted to seek therapy from 7 shrinks who couldn't take me in (so I gave up looking), wrote my heart out on this forum...what else. Suggestions welcomed...thank you.

[Ms Darcy]

HOW are you taking your 'nonsense out on him'? Are you voicing your comparisons to your current bf?

[tattoobunnie]

Hells no! Like with my ex, I cooked, cleaned, take care of all household duties, did everything short of wipe his butt. Said, "I loved you", planned for a future, made future plans...with current beau, I'm afraid of leaving things at his house even though he gave me a key. I have the money for a vacation, but make up some lame excuse to not commit to something. I feel like if I cook other than once in a while, he'll take it for granted, so get moody and all weird afterwards. It's like I'm perpetually preparing myself for an easy break-up, since my last one was a huge disaster.