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when/how do you say you're already with someone?


velvette

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I was at a party, and since my bf's in another country I probably looked like I was single. met some cool guys, who expressed interest in a get-together and camping trip sometime. sounds fun! but when/how do I bring up that I'm not looking for anything more than friendship? I mean, if he doesn't ask, I can't just say 'by the way I have a boyfriend', because that'd be insultingly implying that he's hitting on me. so far, it HAS been purely platonic, no touching or whatever. just a lot of fun talking.

 

I have no idea when to interject this conversation. I wear my bf's ring on a necklace all the time, but that probably isn't a clear enough message. ):

 

what do you guys do?

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If I'm worried they might be interested in me as more than a friend, I make sure to casually mention "my boyfriend" in conversation. I find that this can be done with almost any topic. Music? "Oh, my boyfriend told me about this great band!" Camping? "My boyfriend and I found the coolest camping spot one time." You get the picture. That way, it doesn't come off as, "You're hitting on me, but I'm not single." Rather, it sounds like you're simply talking about yourself, but it points out you're taken at the same time.

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Do you think your boyfriend would be OK with you going camping with some guys you met at a party? Would you be OK with him going camping with some girls?

 

But you can always make some casual remark about a boyfriend "Oh, my boyfriend loves camping" or something like that.

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it's two guys, two girls. it feels... friendly more than romantic? I'd hope.

I would tell him beforehand of course, and if he were in the same situation I'd be fine with it.

 

yeah, I'll try to find a casual remark without sounding obnoxious. X(

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Then again, when I'm happy in a relationship she's my favorite topic.

 

Haha, this is true. I say I "find a way" to casually mention my boyfriend in conversation, when really I have to remind myself people don't care to hear me mention him every ten seconds like I actually do. Sigh...

 

velvette, have you actually planned this camping trip or was it just an idea that was thrown out there? I would definitely make sure they know you have a boyfriend before a solid plan is made...especially if you just met them. You'd hate to spring it on them mid-trip and make them mad.

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You'd hate to spring it on them mid-trip and make them mad.

 

ugggg this is what I hate! why can't we go as friends?? ): why can't they assume, even if I AM single, that I'm not looking for a date? and even if I was single I wouldn't go out with them since they smoke/do drugs/don't live in the same country as me lol. sigh.

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It sounds like you are worried that if you say you have a boyfriend that you won't be invited to go camping. On the one hand you shouldn't lead them on to get invited, but on the other hand you are not obligated to say you have a boyfriend ever. If a guy makes a move on you, you can just say you are not interested. You don't have to give the reason.

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If they would not invite you because you have a boyfriend then they are not inviting you just as a friend.

 

And if that's the case, they weren't interested in you for your "friendly, cool-to-hang-out-with" qualities anyway. That would be part of it, but a big part would be resting on the expectation that you were going along with other intentions. So if you tell them you have a bf, and they don't invite you, it's probably for the best anyway.

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If i were you missy, That would of been the 1st thing id say...

Especially if they are talking about camping trips and whatnot..

You got yourself in kind of deep...Have you discussed this with yourboyfriend?

you know, you hanging out with guys?

Some boyfriends don't take to kindly of this...

as for that quetion, Id like this guy or these guys know as soon as possible..Like mention a story or say or that reminds me of my Boyfriend "fill in name"....

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Bring into conversation i'd say, that way they're aware.

 

One time a guy and i were flirting (from a distance) and when he came over to me the first thing i said was "you've picked the wrong girl i already have a bf"

Didnt stop him from hitting on me LOL and he certainly didnt disappear.

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