I'm in love with a married man...advice PLEASE

[Michelle2234]

Hey all...

 

First of all, thank you for reading my post, as scandalous as it may seem...I am in love with a married man. Don't worry, we haven't even kissed yet, but just lots and lots and lots of other flirting and "accidental" touching that definitely does not go unlooked by others and wouldn't by his wife if she were there.

 

I've never met his wife, but he is young. Early twenties, and I can't believe he's married, nor can anyone else. (I'm a little bit younger than him, but yes I'm over eighteen) He got married because he got her pregnant. From what I hear, she was engaged to someone else when she got pregnant.

 

I like him SO much, and I KNOW he likes me back. We just won't act on it which is a good thing...I suppose...but frustrating nonetheless. Everyone around us thinks something already is going on...but it isn't. One of his very best friends told me that he thinks about me constantly, likes me very much and is always talking about me. He once told me that even though he got a girl pregnant and now has a young child, he wouldn't have gotten married if he knew he was going to meet me. (He got married just a couple months before we met, and there wasn't a spark, but a huge electric volt b/w us as soon as we met)

 

I don't know what to do...it's been like this for a little over 7 months. Please..any advice.

[ldwickw]

Ok well it seems that if he likes you so much he would be wanting to go further in a relationship to find out but being married blocks him from doing so. He either loves his wife and don't want to leave her or he loves you so that is a decision he has to decide on his own.

The world now excepts divorce as an everyday thing and as long as he takes care of his duties to his child he don't have to stay married. He he really loves you and you really care about him then you would both talk about the options that are there so either talk to him or he isn'[t worth the time because all your going to do is cause his wife anger and hurt when she finds out and it really isn't fair to her so think about it and do what you feel is best.

[conner2200]

This is a married man we are talking about. There is only one correct thing to do and that is to keep your distance. Marriage is an exception to the axiom of "all is fair in love and war". If he chooses to divorce his wife and pursue a relationship with you afterwards then maybe you two can talk. Until then it is best to leave things alone. Think about it - if you do not respect someone else's marriage how you can expect someone else to believe you will respect your own.

[tiger_lilies]

I have to agree with Conner. This guy is MARRIED! The right thing to do is to distance yourself from him. He is already commiting emotional infidelity with you.

 

In my opinion, you should tell him that you can't go any further until he determines what he's gonna do about his marriage. Then stay far away from him. He should separate from her first and start making arrangments for a divorce. At least this way, you'll know he's serious about not being in love with his wife.

 

This way, he'll take you more seriously if he plans of leaving his wife for you. If he doesn't do anything, then he's being really selfish because he's thinking of himself only and not what he's putting his wife/family through. Think about it, would you want your husband to cheat on you?

 

Cheating is all about selfishness. He's not thinking about his wife when he flirts with you, he's thinking about himself.

[roark1216]

The man is married. Case closed. You do not want to be party to the commission of adultery nor to the breakup of a family. If this man has problems in his marriage - he needs to figure those out on his own between his wife and himself, WITHOUT your undue influence in the middle.

 

You should *not* be persuing this man any further, regardless his protestations to the contrary if he is indeed interested in you. If his marriage is falling apart, he needs to handle that on his own and not because you have entered the picture.

 

If my words seem a bit harsh and strong - it is because, simply put, the right thing to do is to WALK AWAY from this situation. At the risk of over-moralizing, do everyone involved a favor and turn away.

[Doctor Menard]

Michelle, I'd love to be in this guys shoes. First of all, he's got his wife to go home to and sleep with and then when he tires of her, he can always persuade you into the sack. Wow, what a studmuffin.

 

Now, think about this. IF he were to actually leave her for you, he is going to be stuck with alimony/child support, and this will affect your ability to successfully start a life with him. You will have loverboy ALL to yourself sexually, and his ex will have him all to herself FINANCIALLY! My advice is to start having unprotected sex with him as soon as possible, as you are starting to ovulate especially, choose those positions best for getting pregnant, then when the EPT is positive, hire a good attorney, and settle for no less than 600 a month.

[Kittengirl]

Hi Michelle,

You should read my posts, all I can say is from my own experience and everyone is different but... You are going to get hurt, his wife is going to get hurt and damn right any kids will get hurt. The only person who will have a good time is the married guy. I have been dumped by my ex who left his wife for me after a 3month affair and 6 month friendship, we had a turbulent 5 years together where I was constantly doubting his commitment and fidelity. If they do it to a wife with a child what makes you think they won't do it to you? He has done it to me now and I know how it feels. You probably feel good now, he's making you feel special, I felt like that. My ex told me he only married the wife coz she was pregnant...it's probably not true. He said I understood him and she didn't, he didn't find her attractive but strangely he could go and have sex with her whilst keeping me on the sidelines...until she found out and he turned up on my doorstep.Big mistake. Getting saddled with a guy with so much baggage is no good start to a happy future and I am living proof of what can and most probably will happen. Not all stories end like mine but most do! Be warned and don't get swept away by the thrill of the forbidden fruit. Also the guilt after you realise what you have done to all those involved is very hard to live with. Think carefully.