opposites attract? after the date

[i3estherdyson]

i've been a lurker on this site for a very long time and for the first time i decided to post something. u guys always have the best advice and i am so nervous about what you might think. please be nice!

 

i met this guy at campus two weeks ago and he was really sweet. we started chatting on the phone for the last few days b4 we met up last night to go out. we met up at the campus parking lot and couldnt think of anything to do so we stayed in his car listening to music and talking. it was really nice and he was like, "can I kiss you?" and i was like, "yes!" We started making out and we moved to the back seat and it got pretty hot but i was like "i wasn't comfortable going any further," and he was like "oh okay that is really cool, i respect girls who arent like all easy and stuff". we moved back to the front seat when we thought we saw security but it wasnt them. we started talking again and when there was silence i didnt think it was awkward and we just looked at the stars. he kept looking at my lips and i was like, "your a really good kisser you should kiss me again." and he did.

 

but he had roaming hands and kept moving down to my thighs and i kept my hand on his to keep them away but it was sweet cause we were laughing. i ended up on his lap and we made-out for awhile interspersed with talking and stuff until it was almost midnight and we met up at 8. he kept saying i was cute and sexy but he hasnt called me today. is that normal? this was last nite.

 

ive never been with a guy who i liked a lot from the get go who wasnt my friend first. i thought we had a lot of physical chemistry but after talking to him for awhile i thought we connected mentally too. but he hasnt called me today and i sent him a text message saying hi today and he hasnt responded.

 

is he interested? was i too easy? will he call? should i call him? how am i supposed to act? i mean we look a lot different and stuff, he is really cute (jock) while i am not... really that attractive compared to him (pudgy nerd) but i mean he kept saying i was cute...

 

Kelly

[volpe]

Hi Kelly

 

I see a number of concerns here, and I am just going to tell you from my experience, I can tell you don't have a lot yet... this guy is moving real fast, and he is moving faster than you are really comfortable with. And now, the next day you are left with a panicky feeling that he might not really be into you.

 

So just slow it down, o.k.? The chemistry will still be there if you take your time and you will feel safer.... the more physical you are the more attachment, and then the more anxiety you feel that you'll be used.

 

Also, I really don't like his line about how he respects girls that aren't easy... Anotherwards, if you did do stuff, he wouldn't have respected you and would have done whatever... But then he started in on it again, trying to see how far he can get by getting you all excited. He knows you want him, and he knows when you sent that text that you are going to wonder... He's gotta know.

 

So... I think... take a deep breath, don't invest your emotional energy on him, and when he calls you... don't pick up right away or call him back right away. Let him wonder if he is good enough for YOU!!

[volpe]

And another concern I have is about your body image and comparing yourself... if you are good enough for him... that just worries me, but I understand those anxieties... I have them too, but guys can sense it... I think...

[i3estherdyson]

And another concern I have is about your body image and comparing yourself... if you are good enough for him... that just worries me, but I understand those anxieties... I have them too, but guys can sense it... I think...

 

it is more i dont understand why he asked me out. we are so different. i dont like not understanding. i mean i like me. i really am comfortable being the pudgy nerd i just dont understand how someone like him would like me. this is the type of guy that made fun of me in highschool lol.

 

So... I think... take a deep breath, don't invest your emotional energy on him, and when he calls you... don't pick up right away or call him back right away. Let him wonder if he is good enough for YOU!!

 

see ive never done this b4. why cant i call him if i like him? what if he doesnt call?

[Raistlin]

it is more i dont understand why he asked me out. we are so different. i dont like not understanding. i mean i like me. i really am comfortable being the pudgy nerd i just dont understand how someone like him would like me. this is the type of guy that made fun of me in highschool lol.

 

 

 

see ive never done this b4. why cant i call him if i like him? what if he doesnt call?

 

Sometimes, you don't have to understand. It just is. I'm a ridiculously skinny guy with no muscle or tone to speak of and a pessimistic attitude, yet I still find women liking me. I'm like, "um.... Are you sure? You must be mistaken." And yet, I still get the occasional date or number.

 

As for why you shouldn't call back, it's about being missed. It can be seen as a game, so tread lightly.

[i3estherdyson]

Raistlin, why play games? what point does it serve? if i like someone i tell them i want to spend time with them or just be stupid together.

[Raistlin]

Raistlin' date=' why play games? what point does it serve? if i like someone i tell them i want to spend time with them or just be stupid together.[/quote']

 

I don't understand the games myself, but some people see the rapid admission of feelings/wanting to spend time with them as neediness.

 

I'm the type of guy that if I like you, you know it one way or another; either you figured it out and it's mutual, I told you, or I show you through actions. I don't like the whole 'hide your feelings and make them miss you' game.

[erase this face]

Sounds to me like he was after one thing and he didn't get it. Even if he did, he probably would call back either.

[i3estherdyson]

I don't understand the games myself, but some people see the rapid admission of feelings/wanting to spend time with them as neediness.

 

I'm the type of guy that if I like you, you know it one way or another; either you figured it out and it's mutual, I told you, or I show you through actions. I don't like the whole 'hide your feelings and make them miss you' game.

 

yeah that makes sense. i was reading what volpe said and she mentioned that he might think im desperate now because i texted him. i just wanted to say hi and now you also say that can be interpreted as needy?

 

this is so complicated. i should just go back to sleep and forget about him. but i like his sense of humor and i liked him spending hours on the phone with me because we couldnt stop talking. i thought it was nice but now this? it makes me question if he really liked me or he wanted to get in my pants... lol.

[Raistlin]

Unfortunately, dating IS one big game. It's who you play with and how you play that makes the difference.

 

In all honesty, how he received the text is completely based on who he is.

[i3estherdyson]

darn, that sucks. so what is normal after a first date like this? a few days? a week? when do you just give up on someone? i mean after a week or two of chatting and one date(?). do girls call them?

[servedcold]

Welcome to ENA. Sometimes there's just no way to tell what a guy wants, or to what degree he is interested. If you hear from him, great, if not, there's another one right around the corner who will want something lasting with you. Try to focus on the possibilities and not on this one guy, he's just one of many until you really get to know him well.

[i3estherdyson]

Welcome to ENA. Sometimes there's just no way to tell what a guy wants, or to what degree he is interested. If you hear from him, great, if not, there's another one right around the corner who will want something lasting with you. Try to focus on the possibilities and not on this one guy, he's just one of many until you really get to know him well.

 

thanks, i will take your advice. i just thought we clicked.

[i3estherdyson]

if he doesnt call or anything by friday should i call him and ask him out? i mean for a definitive answer? or should i just assume i was a one off.

[addictedblue]

Aww, this sucks for you OP. I'm leaning towards saying that he just wanted to get you to have sex with him. Guys are very, very manipulative and most of them know that what a girl values is long conversation and the "emotional" stuff, so he figured he'd talk to for a while and then you'd give it up. You didn't (good job!) and now he's realized that you won't do that, and since you describe him as someone who is the opposite of a nerd, he's probably just going to back off now and look for a girl who WILL have sex with him.

 

HOWEVER he could really be into you and just be scared to appear overeager and is following some stupid rule such as the 3-day rule or something before contacting you. I'm sure you'll hear from him eventually, just try to dismiss it as an interesting experience and go about your normal day.

[servedcold]

Would wait and see if he contacts you. That is one measure of interest.

[cat_lady]

Whenever I've heard this line from a guy - it did not end well.

 

Either I didn't put out soon enough and he disappeared.

 

Or I put out soon enough, and he disappeared.

 

Be warned.

 

And seeing as how you actually kind of like him - be double warned. I, honestly, would just walk away and forget about him.