Today I'm sad....I miss him

[lisaria]

It's been nearly two months since I saw him last and nearly a month since I received his last short, impersonal email. I miss him so much today. As far as I know he's still in FL with his new g/f and I'm sitting here crying. I thought I was getting stronger, but today seems to be a weak day. I read the posts from all these people who are still in contact of some kind with their exes and it makes me so sad. Why doesn't he contact me? Why has he simply forgotten about me and why can't I forget about him? I had good news from my doc yesterday and felt so great when I left his office that I went out and joined the gym. The same gym where he goes. But yesterday I didn't care if I saw him or not I felt so good and he would have seen me as the confident girl he met. Not today. I know that he always works out on Tuesday nights and sometimes Thursday so I've decided that I will NOT go there on those nights. Not until I feel strong enough that I don't care if he sees me or not and at this rate it may be never. I want him to call me so I can be calm and cool towards him, but I can't do that if he doesn't call. Not even an email from him. Why does he not care? It's like he's erased me out of his life completely and I'm not even alive to him. I wish I could do that with him. But it hurts too much to know that someone you loved and trusted and spent so much time with has completely forgotten and could care less about you. It just confirms that what he said and did was all a lie so he could use me and not be alone until he found someone better in his eyes. Looks like it's happened. I guess the hard part is knowing he just doesn't care about me. I guess I need to accept that I will never hear from him again and good riddance to him. How long will it take before you stop expecting him or her to be the one calling when the phone rings? Or expect an email everytime you check it? I think I just need some sort of closure maybe. It's only been a month since his last crappy little email. How long will this go on? How long will I want him back? I think it's really great that so many are still talking to their exes and I guess that means that they actually loved them and it makes me hurt to know that mine didn't. I've gotten to where I can't read those posts because I miss him more then. I'm sorry, I wish I were a better person and could accept things like this and feel happy for all of those getting back together but it just makes me realize what I don't have and probably never did. I AM happy for you guys and wish you all the best. I just wish I could write a msg. saying I was getting back with my ex and things were better, but not today. Today I'm just sad.

Lisa

[sueblue]

Dear Lisaria,

 

Don't feel sad. I have'nt spoken to my ex in over 5 months. He has not tried to contact me nor have I tried to talk to him. I have'nt even seen him and he lives just 8 blocks away from my house. I am writing this to you because I understand the waiting and wondering. Who knows what he is thinking and you really can't think for him. I was like you for awhile and I got through it by putting all my energy into myself (remember the time when you did that?)You really need to think of yourself instead of him. It's the hardest thing to do I know but I think men go through a break-up differently than we do. I think he cares about you he probably does'nt know how to handle it. It's easy to think that our ex's don't care but think about it for a minute. If you are going through this stuff you better bet he is also just maybe not the same as you.I believe that the more passionate the relationship the harder it is to get over. Closure sometimes does'nt come from the ones we love so we have to do it ourselves.Forgive yourself give yourself a hug tell yourself it's ok.We all make bad investments of our time and the more time we spend thinking about it the worst we feel about it. I don't know you but I am willing to bet you have alot of inner strenght, use all of it to help you through this time of confusion. Treat yourself to things you have'nt had think of the freedom you have to do what you want. Take care.

[MayMay]

I have the same problem; my boyfriend left me for another girl about 5 months ago. At first, I put l LOT of energy into "keeping in touch" with him, even though he never called me first. Now, when I think back on this, I wish I hadn't done it. I think it postponed my grieving process, and only served to hurt me for a longer time. If you keep in contact with your ex, and he says nice things to you, then it sends out double messages. If he says mean things, or even just "regular" things, you may be more disappointed and hurt. I believe that I will be able to be friends with my ex again someday; just not until I am totally healed. Right now there is just too much one-sided emotion on my part to allow myself that. I am a big believer in the NO CONTACT rule.

 

It sounds like you are right on the verge of being really "whole" again. You have more better days than bad now, right??? Just remember, no one can "erase" a relationship from thier heads; people just have different ways of dealing; and you are SOOOO healthy, looking for support! Try to support yourself, (I know it's hard) and try to love yourself, and just take a break from him for a while. You deserve to be happy!

 

-may

[lindy55]

Lisaria, you have some excellent advice here. I just wanted to chime in and say that I, too, understand how you feel. I have no idea why some people behave in that way. It has happened to me, when my de facto boyfriend and I broke up. He said he would call me at the end of that week, but that was back in 1996 and I never heard from him! You are doing the right thing in getting on with your life. I know it's really hard. Sometimes you just have to make your own closure. Right now I've just broken up with someone and I am going through the whole thing of expecting to have email from him and so on. I don't know how long it will take for it to stop, but I'm just going to ride it out. You can do it too.

[lisaria]

Thank you ladies. I guess I just need to get over the SOB. It means alot to me that I can always count on this forum to help me get past the rough hours. Reading your posts, knowing that ya'll have gone through this helps me put it into a better perspective. You guys are great! I came so close to emailing him again, but I got up here and read your replies and I'm glad to say that I will not being doing that tonite. Big sigh of relief.

[lindy55]

Hang in there

 

I also recommend "Don't Call That Man" by Rhonda Findling, she has a website as well which has a lot of info. I think it's link removed.

 

Onwards and upwards, my dear!