I made madders worse!

[joethe]

Me and my ex have been broken up for 9 days, we have a 2 year old son together. She keeps telling me that she misses me but is aviously not doing anything about it. I told her 2 days ago that im moving on and i want her to stop texting me for a few weeks until im over everything. Last night we had to take our son to the hopsital because he was running a high fever, she ended up staying the night and we had sex. I dont know what to do, i dont think she knows what she wants. Should i just remain LC only when it has to do with our son? I want to be a family but want her to make the choice to get back together.. advice please

[SapphireNoir10]

Did she break up with you? If so i'd go with your idea of Low contact. That gives you the chance if she wants it to REALLY work on things.

[joethe]

yes she broke up with me, when i told her i need to weeks with little to no contact so i can heal and get over her, she started crying. she is going in for surgery in a few days (nothing serious) but after i told her i need a few weeks, she texted me an hour later asking if i could come see her after her surgery cause she wants to wake up to my face. She is sending me so many different feelings.. im so damn confused

[SapphireNoir10]

Tell her simply, she cant have both. she cant have you, but not you and her together. You wont have it, which is fair, she cant play with your feelings.

[joethe]

I agree but i think im just going to try to move on and if she wants me bad enough she will make an effort. I have never broken up with her, shes always the one who breaks up with me, and i think that when i told her that i need a few weeks to move on i think it confused her and made her realize that maybe "he wont be here for me forever" but she is a very very stubborn person and will wait until i try to reconcile unless the pain is killing her... which i hope eventually it does..

[joethe]

im am feeling something so weird. I think i might be falling out of love with her.. Im so scared because i want to be with her so bad, but the other side of me doesnt care anymore.. has anyone witnessed this as well?

[drewciouS281]

im am feeling something so weird. I think i might be falling out of love with her.. Im so scared because i want to be with her so bad, but the other side of me doesnt care anymore.. has anyone witnessed this as well?

 

hey man, dont force your feelings for her just because your scared for her or yourself. I forced myself to stay in a relationship for longer than i should have just because i knew if i broke things off it would be the end of the world for my ex. I fell out of love for her aswell and no longer saw a future but prolonging the break up only made things worse. If your feelings this already now, than you need to do whats best for you and moveon. Of course keep little contact for the sons sake but dont force your feelings when thier not thier. It is your life too.

[joethe]

she texts me a little while ago asking if we could have sex again, she told me i owe her one.. then she said she changed her mind within 5 min because it will mess with her head... i told her that i think im falling out of love with her and im scared cause i dont know if i want to.. she never texted me back. Can any girl tell me what she could be thinking? please help

[Pixiedoc]

she texts me a little while ago asking if we could have sex again, she told me i owe her one.. then she said she changed her mind within 5 min because it will mess with her head... i told her that i think im falling out of love with her and im scared cause i dont know if i want to.. she never texted me back. Can any girl tell me what she could be thinking? please help

 

Hey joe, from a female perspective it seems that she NEEDS you rather than loves you. The things she wants from you revolve around what she needs from you rather than giving you anything - the sex, the wanting to see your face after the op etc.

 

She's hanging on to you, and hoping that you want to hang on to her as well, even though she doesn't want you back. It's not good enough to be 'too stubborn' to say she wants you back, and you are beginning to realise that and maybe feeling a bit used?

 

The 'falling out of love' is a healthy way of realising that you just don't have enough to keep you together, and not only that, but she really hasn't treated you very well and you only have residual feelings now. To be honest, I'm not surprised.

 

The way that you say you desparately want to be with her seems like you only 'need' her too.

 

If you can, try and negotiate an LC way forward for the sake of your child. It's not really appropriate for you to be there just so she can 'see your face' when she wake up after surgery - maybe her mum or dad could be there while you look after your first priority - your child. Some of the ties are being/have been cut, you're doing well and need to set some rules and boundaries to stop the breaking of the rest of them being so painful.

 

Take care.

[joethe]

thanks you so much for the advice.. Its so weird one day im want to be done with her and the other day i want her back.. My confusion has left me helpless. She never did text back after i told her that i think i was falling out of love with her and told her i dont think i want to. How can relationships be so hard

[Pixiedoc]

Yeah, sometimes it's difficult to decide whether it's harder being IN a relationship or out of one

 

Hang on in there.

[joethe]

thanks pixie... What do you think she is thinking, she never text me back after i told her that i think im falling out of love with her and i dont know if i want to..

[joethe]

i mean if she really didnt care and wanted it over bad enough she would of sent me a text saying something like;

 

i feel the same way or something of that nature

[CarrieB123]

i told her that i think im falling out of love with her and i dont know if i want to..

 

 

I am sure you two are close, but the above is something you tell a friend, or write in a journal. I don't think its a good idea to just spat out everything that comes to your mind. I've also just suffered a breakup, and at the start of it, it was as if every 5 minute i wanted to call him, to tell him what I was thinking/feeling/ideas that popped into my head. I've not spoke a word to him about any of these things. Day by day its gotten easier. A big part of breakups is the "getting used to not having them" portion of the relationship. Whether it be a joke, a bad day that you need to rant about etc. etc. I dont want him to "drop a line" (even though he has been) or send a joke via email. He brokeup with me, so he no longer gets me, period. I would say thats the best way to handle things. You owe nothing to her, only your son. Give to him only, if that means you have to talk to her about him, or see her because of him, keep it brief and only concerning him.

 

Give your head time to clear, the hindsight 20/20 thing is true, but it will keep coming and coming to you. As soon as you feel that you've "figured it all out" another thought will pop into your head and feel like the "RIGHT" one. Give it time, hard yes, but will help you.

 

I wish you the best.

[joethe]

thanks, the only reason i told her that is because thats how i felt, since the breakup i have not told her what i was feeling whats so ever.. i felt it was time to tell her exactly what was going on in case she wanted to reconcile because its almost too late im losing feelings for her as the days go by..

[CarrieB123]

Do you see your feelings changing from day to day high "highs" and low "lows"?

[joethe]

definitley, to be honest i feel depressed after i wrote her that, she never wrote me back and now i want her more for some reason.. I dont know whats going on but my head is so messed up right now.. im going

[Pixiedoc]

I think she could have been slightly miffed by the text (notice I did not say upset or hurt) because it means you are not now there on call when she wants you to fulfil her needs (on a casual basis).

 

If she wants you back, she would have said, if not she is playing childish games or using you. As before. You're doing well, be strong.

[joethe]

yes i agree, i always take her back and now that i told her im starting to fall out of love with her, i think she is realizing that i wont wait forever for her to come back... i wish i knew how girls thought

[joethe]

so she finally text me back saying:

 

"i dont know why but you saying your falling our of love knocked me down but now im ok. with everything going on and all these emotions im feeling i dont think i would be confortable with seeing you. i need time and so do you"

 

what should i think of this?

[joethe]

anyone?????

[Pixiedoc]

Hi Joe

 

This is an egotistical person talking. That text was all about her. 'I don't know why', 'I won't feel comfortable' - it says a lot about her and that she enjoys being the centre of attention.

 

Don't respond to this. You have been honest with her and she is wanting to have the last word and back off further to hurt you more in the hope you will respond asking 'why?' or saying that you have changed your mind.

 

On the other hand, maybe you are both coming to the realisation that this relationship just wasn't for you. It's been painful but I hope you are healing and getting your head up looking for the future. Take care.

[joethe]

thanks pixie, i am doing ok with all of this but there are times when i feel down and of course there are times when i feel ok. i guess thats what happens. I just have to keep thinking that if she wanting me bad enough she would of actually put forth an effort to tell me that.. if i keep thinking this it will keep me strong and stop me from contacting her and trying to reconcile..