The hardest decision I've ever had to make.

[blindw]

I encourage you to do this, as im sure even if everyone told you to just leave u would still do everything you could and leave that as last resort.

 

Like i said over time they will accept it. it might just take a few months of talking like u did, or it might take you being on your own, and still seeing your boyfriend for them to realize and accept your not backing down.

 

That is exactly how I feel about this. I would still do everything before leaving. It isn't easy to just walk out and leave my family in minutes so I want to try everything I can. If there's a chance that they can be convinced, I will keep trying until they tell me that it's just impossible. I do think it's going to take longer than a few months (if they can be convinced in the first place) because there are other people who have an influence on my parents' opinion. So even if they want to accept it, they will still be worried about what others are going to think.

[nightw0lf]

they way you post your message....its so enthrawling....stay with him....he makes you happy and you seem so happy with him. you 2 seem so happy...

[wgq]

You are welcome, blindw. Keep strong. It seems to take more time and more effort. Be strong and hopeful.

[blindw]

they way you post your message....its so enthrawling....stay with him....he makes you happy and you seem so happy with him. you 2 seem so happy...

 

Hi! Sorry this is a really late reply.. I was just trying to handle my life but thankyou for your advice. He does make me happy and I have decided to stay with him. Family problems are getting worse but I'm trying to stay strong.

[L0t 0uL]

I was compelled to join this forum after reading your thread blindw. I too am a Sikh girl, dating an English boy. I'm fortunate that my mother is very liberal and accepts the relationship, she likes my partner and just wants to see me happy. My father who I don't really have a relationship with is can't really say anything. Although he may have preferred a Sikh or Gujurati boy for me, he too can only wish for my happiness.

 

I understand your situation completely. I have a friend in a similiar situation to you. She's been dating a boy for 2 years who is half Muslim and she still hasn't told her parents yet, out of fear.

 

All I can say to you is this. People DO come round but not always. Think about the following things. If you run away and the relationship with your boyfriend doesn't work out, then what? You may have jeopardised all ties with your family at that point.

 

However blood IS thicker than water and with time they may talk to you again.

 

On the flip side, it sounds like your family will arrange a marriage for you if you did stay, and you strike me as the type of person that will resent this whole heartedly. You will always resent them for splitting your relationship up. We all know marrying someone through convenience or because it's the wish of our parents is a disaster.

 

I think if I were in your position I would try everything to make my parents come around. If they didn't I would leave. This is YOUR life now and it's too much of a big deal to throw away what you want for the sake of your parents and what 'the community would say'.

[VerdeShimmer]

Gosh I am so very sorry for you and your boyfriend. It is a hard to break away from your parents. But this is your life. Think about that.

 

Your parents wanting to kill you, yeah they don't care about you. That is not normal and it is very evil and wicked of them.

[blindw]

Thanks for your advice lost soul. It's nice to hear from someone who understands what it's like. I have actually decided to do exactly what you said. I'm going to try my best to convince them and you are right, if they don't agree... then I will have to leave. If they force me into an arranged marriage, I will never forgive myself for letting it happen in the first place.

 

I'm very open minded and I look at life from a completely different perspective. I don't think I can ever live happily if I let others' opinions affect my decisions. I strongly believe that we only get one life to live and if we worry about what the community or others will say, then we are just ruining our own life. I know it will make my parents happy but I won't be happy.. and my parents won't be living with me.

 

I'm glad you have a very open minded mom and I am happy that things worked out for you. I hope things work out for your friend too! She should stay strong and I suggest that she should tell her parents asap because this will give her more time to convince them if they don't agree.. or decide what she's going to do next. If she doesn't tell them and they find out, it will be worse.

I wish her luck and thanks once again for your advice!

[blindw]

Gosh I am so very sorry for you and your boyfriend. It is a hard to break away from your parents. But this is your life. Think about that.

 

Your parents wanting to kill you, yeah they don't care about you. That is not normal and it is very evil and wicked of them.

 

Thanks!

 

Yes, it is extremely hard but like you said, it's my life. In this culture, a father's name and reputation is seen as the most important thing in life. But then again, there are some very open minded Sikh parents so I guess it is different for everyone.