I'm 32 - she's 18 yikes!

[pixel1971]

Hello to anyone willing to help here. I am getting really spun about this whole thing. About 5 months ago I met this girl who has just recently turned 18. I am 32. I have been single for 2 years. We became good friends. A few days ago we found out we have a "thing" for each other. She may be leaving for college in a couple months. Am I absolutely out of my mind to even consider this whole thing? Should we stop it in it's tracks? Should I run? Should she? Am I a perv?

[ImpossibleDream]

If you are truly in love with this girl, and she feels similarly about you, then age really shouldn't be an issue. If, however, it's more of a sexual thing, and what you're really attracted to is her body, then that might count as "Pervy" and should probably be stopped in its tracks. If you share how you feel about this girl in a little more detail, it might be easier for people to give some advice. Hope I've been of some help!

Yours, I.D.

[pixel1971]

Thanks I.D.

 

I really enjoy her company very much. We do have a lot of fun and have some really important things in common. There are age gap issues as far as life experience but she is very mature for her age and... well to tell you the truth I am a bit immature. We surely need to talk more about what we both do and do not expect from each other. I know she has a lot of life still to experience. I don't think either of us is just after sex, I know I'm not although I am attracted to her and it could eventually lead to that at some point down the road. Sex is not at the top of my list. At this point we have kissed a couple times. But I am still a bit freaked out as I have never dated a girl so much younger than me.

[Hopingpraying]

Pixel,

 

 

From my experience the problems that arise from an age gap like you describe is that eventually you will be ready to settle down and she won't. Wish should be a concern if you don't want your heart broken later on down the line.

I guess the way I see it is this:

 

If she has not been in many serious relationships you are going to run into the, " I need to see what else is out there" problem. Unless she has been in several serious relationships already, and being that she is only 18 I don't know how many that could be.

 

I just think your intentions in a long term relationship are different than hers. Granted I cannot gather all of that from the little bit that you posted, however, I am just speaking from my past experience.

 

I wish you luck. Everyone deserves love!!

[mahlina]

That's a tough one...I was in the same boat before. My ex was I forget, 8-9 years older than me, I think it was 8, but we ended up "hitting it off," and took a chance on it. I was barely 20 at that time, not even old enough to drink.

 

I guess it was an embarrassment for him, since all of his friends were older, and already finished med school, so they'd call him 'cradle robberer.' I guess he was a little emberassed, since he did have a reputation to hold. I kinda bonded with his friends, but some of them were just too mature for me to talk to. Plus, their arena of 'profession' was somewhat different, so it was hard for me to 'click' with them at times.

 

On the other hand, my ex and I bonded fine. The biggest hurdle was me 'finishing' college. I met his mom, family, and relatives and everything. The relationship was 'serious.' But I guess, in his eyes, I wasn't ready. I don't think that I was either....He'd mention feeling guilty about 'not letting me grow up' and 'experiencing' college. So, yes, 'school' is majorly important. Since she is 18, she still needs to find exactly what she wants in life.

 

She needs to find her own nitch. She needs to set that goal, and actually make it to the finish line before she can truly consider anything 'serious.' Ultimately, she needs to be on her own, and independent so that she has enough 'life experiences' before she can truly date someone who's 'already been there.'

 

So, there's a lot to consider. My recommendation is to give her 'space' to grow up. I'm sorry your age gap is pretty broad, but surely hope that things will work out for the two of you!

[pixel1971]

Well I thought this might happen. Her Dad found out and said "oh no, no, no! So we are no longer talking. Sad.

[MissYeah24]

You're not a perv, alot of 18 year old girls are very sexy. But how long will it be until the novelty wears off? How long until your laying in bed after explosive sex feeling totally unsatisfied because the most rigorous bit of conversation you can get from her is the chances of Justin Timberlake returning to 'N Sync?

 

If it's physicality your after- go for it, providing she understands your intentions. If intellectual pursuits aren't your cup of tea, go for it- you'll never miss intelligent conversation anyway. But if you need some kind of mental stimulation eventually from the person you're with, set your sights a tad older.

[RandyB]

It's not the age difference, but as Mahlina already suggested, it's where you are in your life. College could be an issue. I'm not saying there is a reason to worry, but this girl WILL be surrounded by guys her own age, and your feelings may change, too. Absense does not always make the heart grow fonder. How far away will she be living? If her family and friends are cool with your relationship and yours are too, that will make things a lot easier. It would be easier still if you lived close by. I've not had great luck with long distance relationships, so that may be my own disappointment talking. (Props to her though for being with an older guy!)

 

RandyB

[sexy_lady]

hya,

I'm talking from the perspective of your 'G'friend',

I've just turned 17 and my b'friends 31!! don't sack it off you aren't a perv atall!! loads of my mates have been with older guys.... properly cause they treat u better!! Just stick to it and if it doesnt work then least you tried!!! Its better to ave loved then lost, than never loved atall!!! ...

 

xxxxx

[Hey_Beautiful]

I totally understand your frustration; my boyfriend was 39 when I was 21...something to think about:

 

I don't know how an age gap relationship would be looked at in your area, but are you ready to face people and constantly defend your feelings for one another? You might be, but also think about her--she is young, and still has a way to go in the world...do you want to subject her to that?

 

If you love her, and want to protect her against society, which can be extra stupid at times, I say go for it. As someone who was interested in an older man in my late teens and early twenties, I advise you to always be cognizant of your age difference in terms of experience and what she is comfortable with..give her a chance to grow as well.

 

Good luck--I hope it works out!

[Val]

Oh don't worry about it. If she really liked you she'll contact you again.